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29 Days Sober: Gateways and Decision Points
By stayingclean
3/15/2013 1:03:34 PM
Every person who copes with their addiction must contend with gateways and decisions points. Gateways are innocuous situations that lead to full blown binges of addiction. Gateways are forks in the road where we make a conscious decision whether we we take the path to indulgence or not. It is at this point of our addiction cycle that we must make that clear cut decision to which we are fully responsible. In the last month, I have learned to recognize these gateways and make a conscious decisions to get the hell away.

It starts with a thought. An urge to "google" something harmless. Then we click on Google images, then we are at a site, next we are watching something we shouldn't watch, then it leads to acting out. The decision point for me was not when I was watching the video or looking at a picture, it was between the thought and the urge to act on that thought. When that happens, I think of something else, pray, think of my family, or concentrate on some banal detail in the furnishings. Anything to distract me until the moment passes. Then I offer up a silent prayer of gratitude. Another day free of p&m passes and I thank the Lord that I am not wallowing again in this filth.

I wish everyone everything but success in their own personal battle on what is often a rocky road of recovery.

Comments:

GOOD JOB!    
"i also have the same amount of sobriety. 30 days. yae. It feels so good to live clean....like truly clean. Hope it last."
posted at 19:10:41 on March 15, 2013 by marie sober
This happens to me all the time    
"You know, I have different levels of fall. Sometimes, I am so spiritually happy that I have no idea how I could ever do porn again. Fast forward a few days later,I probably didnt have a good day, I go home, go to bed and surf my problems. Curiosity pollutes my mind it the process goes just like you described. "It starts with a thought. An urge to "google" something harmless. Then we.."

But sometimes, I know that my harmless google will eventually lead to porn. And I do it anyway. I haven't taken this serious enough."
posted at 21:44:36 on March 17, 2013 by mint
Being serious, not just serious enough.    
"MINT, I think the important thing is recognize those moments that will lead to the place where we never intended. It is about being honest with ourselves. It is also about recognizing where we are mentally...are we more apt to indulge when we are tired? depressed? overwhelmed? or even on an empty stomach and need a snack? When I feel vulnerable, I am even more strict on myself. No googling or Youtubing at all today. I say a little prayer and implore the Lord for his added strength. I think when we are proactive in "managing" our addictions the Lord will help us. Best of luck on your journey."
posted at 22:09:13 on March 17, 2013 by stayingclean
I agree.    
"I love this type of conversation. It gets people places. So many times on here all people say is "surrender" and I know that is something that when we reach it, it will help. But we can't just surrender, we have to be broken. And I'm not in any place to give that type of spiritual advice so I dont. Honestly I dont think that kind helps, even if its technically true.

Anyway, my biggest is late at night when I'm bored. I'm alone, I'm tired, i think back at all the other times I did at night and it seems so easy. And I do it.

I think the best thing I could do, is get rid of my bad habits. Staying up late (my biggest), wasting time on the internet, wasting time on tv. If I could replace those with good habits like working out, reading the scriptures, studying the gospel, I have absolutely no doubt that I could bypass my addiction. My addiction doesn't control me, I allow it to control me by my actions. So if I change my behavior, through the help of the lord of course, I can be done with this.

Hmmm. I've already known this, but it helped to think it through and write it down. Thanks:)"
posted at 20:11:29 on March 18, 2013 by mint


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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball