Print
Question:
By Newt
2/28/2013 11:52:05 AM
My wife got into it the other day with some breast feeding nazi types about women who breast feed their kids in public with no cover. Feminist types who think the people around them should change, and the bfn's (breast feeding nazis) should be able to expose their breasts anywhere they want because it is natural and beautiful and all that. She sent one of the bfn's to read about addiction here, but I thought I would jump ahead and ask the question:

How does it affect you when you see a woman expose her breast in public? What if she is exposing herself so she can feed her baby?

(I have several friends who struggle with porn addiction, and for them, any breast will do. My wife was sticking up for them and wants the bfn's to understand how much they can hurt someone who is barely hanging onto their sobriety)

Comments:

I agree with your wife    
"Yes..... seeing that is a "trigger". At least for me it is...maybe for some other addicts, no... but for me, most definitely."
posted at 15:21:17 on February 28, 2013 by itstime
It definitely would be    
"For me, since I am rather young at my recovery, it would put many inappropriate thoughts in my head. I'd rather avoid that situation if I could."
posted at 19:06:39 on February 28, 2013 by asdfjkl1234
Defining the problem    
"So...can I ask a question back? What is the intent of your question?

This post seems to be about being triggered by breastfeeding. I suggest that this is a dangerous line to walk. It isn't going to help you to travel down that line of thinking because being triggered by seeing someone breastfeed is no more truthful than saying porn is about sex. It isn't. It is about pride. And stopping someone from breastfeeding around you wont fix your pride. It just distracts from the real problem. If you need to walk away, walk away. But understand the real source of pain.

Triggers are everywhere. I am not saying you shouldn't avoid triggers where possible, but so many addicts have triggers that are both necessary and entirely innocent. Like the food addict: seeing food is a trigger. Food is not bad. Or the codependent who is triggered by the mere presence of a certain person. Is that person bad? No. The addiction is in the mind and not in the trigger. It is a common addictive behavior to demonize the person or place that triggers them, which interestingly is a form of staying in the addiction cycle. Placing blame on others is the prime example of this. It is one of the ways that Satan keeps us in the never ending loop.

In my personal opinion, there is nothing immoral or wrong about a woman publicly breastfeeding, but that is beside the point. Does it trigger certain addicts? I am certain. But that has nothing to do with breastfeeding. It has nothing to do with the mother or the baby or the place or if it is public or private or even that there is a breast, or the price of tea in China, for that matter. It has to do with the addict. It is not women or babies that need to change. It is addicts.

I am not trying to be cruel or to say, "Too bad and just deal with it!". Not at all. I am trying to say you aren't headed towards healing and neither is your wife in this line of thinking. You've just bumped into one of the problems with addiction. Addicts can be triggered by things that aren't wrong. Instead of trying to control the 'thing' we all need to lay this all at the foot of the Savior with the 12 steps. The atonement can heal this. Trust that. Just please don't lay blame or anger or judgement at the doorsteps of others.

Going after the breastfeeding moms was a well intended road to misery. It is codependent. It is wrong. It is misplaced and unintentionally self deceitful. It wont work because it isn't the problem...and it wastes your energy in an area that wont help you get closer to your Heavenly Father. I know this is hard to hear and I'll set some people on edge. My intent is not to offend. I hope at the very least it can provoke some thoughts that may help in the future.

Maddy"
posted at 12:25:32 on March 1, 2013 by Anonymous
Agree    
"I agree with Maddy. The addict has the problem. There are different levels of public breastfeeding, with cover and without, just use common sense on this issue. I understand an emergency but for most of the time, be reasonable and don't force exposure on everyone."
posted at 17:15:23 on March 1, 2013 by Anonymous
Agreed 1,000,000% (yup, 1 million percent) with Maddy    
"One of the most frustrating things I see in the church is the need to control over the need to surrender...lol, if I was surrendering that it wouldn't be frustrating :) Anyway, good hell if I'm not surrendering my triggers that's not anyone's problem but mine. Although mandating that all beautiful women be put in burqa's sounds like easy street to me it's not my right to try and control them (if what they are doing is innocent especially) nor the woman's obligation to adjust to fit my perfect world. That's a failure on my part to meet life on life's terms. A huge part of recovery. There's no serenity in it.

But in answer to your question: ha!, no. Not a trigger with this addict. But, triggers are a funny thing. I may go my whole life witnessing something that doesn't phase me at all and then one day BAM! It's sends me to crazy land. Again, I think this is why trying to control our triggers (besides the obvious ones like unfiltered Web browsers etc.) and the world around us is so futile. It changes. Now is all we have. And surrender and acceptance seems the best bet. Or so I've heard :)"
posted at 18:29:04 on March 2, 2013 by they_speak
my 2 cents    
"This is a huge trigger for me but its also not. I big part of my fantasy was connecting with a woman in that way. I thought it would be such an intimate moment to suckle a loving caring woman. That being said, when I see a mother breastfeeding her child, it doesn't take me to a place of totally perversion. I find it to very beautiful and natural.

I dont think its right for us as addicts to demand anything of the outside world. We are so weak and out of control, that we think fixing other peoples "problems" will fix ours. This just isn't the case."
posted at 01:37:31 on March 6, 2013 by Anonymous
Birth Videos    
"A teacher at BYU told me about a student who complained when he found out they would be watching a video of a birth in a biological science-type class.

"That's pornographic," the student argued.

"If you're sexually aroused by this, I'd be more than happy to walk you to the counseling center because you have problems."

The student didn't pursue his complaint any more.

It's easy to blame other people for our triggers, but the fact is breast feeding isn't sexual. If you think it is, that's completely your fault, not the "BFNs" (a term which completely insults the people who actually had to live under Nazi rule rather than those who merely have to put up with those who may be a little irritating in promoting their worldview). If you're on this board, it's because you know you need help with an addiction. Have some courage and own it.

--johnroberts"
posted at 17:16:25 on March 6, 2013 by johnroberts
Sacred..?    
"I think that if a woman whips out her breasts in public to breastfeed without a second thought and doesn't try to cover up or seek a back room or something, that's wrong. Not because I think it's nasty, on the contrary, I think that kind of bond between a mother and her child is something SACRED and should be protected from those who would think of it in a lustful way (no offense meant for you recovering addicts). I'm actually bothered when I hear people trying to make this a matter of natural right, especially from LDS members who have been taught that it's sacred. Did anyone even consider that bit of it?

~Lari~"
posted at 08:41:20 on March 17, 2013 by Anonymous
Sacred.    
"Nurturing and nourishing a child is very sacred indeed. It has nothing to do with back rooms or cover ups though.

Nurturing and nourishing a child, (aka breastfeeding, in the context of this conversation) is not diminished whether it is public or private. Those factors do not make it any less of a sacred bond between mother and child.

If public breastfeeding was an issue of morality the Church would give us direction on it. I believe that."
posted at 21:39:55 on March 18, 2013 by maddy
what Maddy said    
"Like Maddy said, if this were something that was a moral issue, we'd have direction. Lari, you may personally feel breastfeeding is sacred and meant to be kept private, but not everyone feels that way. Since God has stayed silent on this issue, it's a matter of personal preference and not our place to impose moral judgment on others."
posted at 00:36:21 on March 19, 2013 by johnroberts


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006