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Really need advice, I have screwed up badly.
By Sergio
2/13/2013 1:16:59 PM
I lived a horrible lifestyle about two years ago, where I was drinking, smoking, sleeping around, and everything in between. I went to my bishop to get help and went through a bishops court. I was fellowship, and went through about 5 months of sheer hell trying to fix myself. Afterwords, I was advised to pursue a mission, which was my goal earlier in life.

I wanted to serve a mission, mostly as a way of saying thank you to the man upstairs for all he has done for me, especially through deployment. I should not have walked out alive, and I wanted give him two years of my life for preserving mine.

After leaving the military a few years later, I began my pursuit of the mission. I took out my endowments, and went through the mission prep course several times, and literally took my case to the first presidencies desk for exemption to policy. I had just crossed the threshold for two years clean by that point. The first presidency granted me permission to serve. My mission call has been issued, and I am to expect it in the mail any day now.

Here is the kicker:

This week, I screwed up, an had sex again. I have heard it said that you dont just dive back into it full force, and I strongly disagree now. My girlfriend with a recovering past like mine just happened to be tired with our guards down, and now we are back on the bandwagon. I want to say I can stop this on my own, break up with her, and fix this, but I know that I am no longer worthy to serve a mission. I want to go, not because I feel I am worthy to go, but because I still feel a strong desire to pay Him back. I do not fear the possible excommunication that may come from violating my temple covenants. I do not fear the shame of going to my bishop. I fear not getting the opportunity to pay God back.

Though I am sure the answer seems black and white to others, I cannot determine whether it is more right to go unworthy and try and fix this on my own, and affect as many lives as I can, and then repent when I get back, or do I go to the bishop now, and put a death sentence on what I have worked so hard to do for God for the past 3 years?

Comments:

Sometimes questions are easier looking from the outside    
"You've done so much and worked so hard, but to be dishonest and not go to your bishop would be worse than to go on your mission unworthy.

Having faith, letting go of yourself and just turning yourself over to God is the best thing. I say that, but I know by personal experience that its easier said than done. However, right is right. Surrendering yourself to God is the best and really only thing that we can do. Getting down on your knees and telling him that you'll do whatever he would have you to do and then submit to His will. Its the safest road, because he knows what's best for us.

I use to think that I had screwed up my life, ruined my potential and I will never be on path that God had planned for me when I came to this life. I'm sure that he did have a "plan A", but I think he also has a plan B, plan C, plan D, etc, etc... infinite plans just for us in whatever circumstance we are in. He knows what's best for us and he has a plan for us. If that means putting off the mission for a time, or if that means getting married to this girl, I don't know. That's between you and the Lord, but this I know, he does.

Trust Him, go to your bishop and surrender yourself to God's will."
posted at 13:59:56 on February 13, 2013 by Anonymous
Honesty    
"Sometimes the consequences of our behavior is to forfeit the opportunity to help others. It can be hard medicine but going on the mission is out right now. Perhaps you have a mission at home. Please don't fall into that trap of convincing yourself that being dishonest would be for the greater good. That is a trick of the deceiver. This is something you learn later in life but if you experience something that was not Heavenly Father's will to begin with, (like something born out of dishonesty) it is always a very difficult experience. It can become pure hell.
As hard as it seems, isn't being honest about the mistake the easier softer way to go?

Heavenly Father's will is easy. Our will is extremely difficult."
posted at 14:16:10 on February 13, 2013 by Anonymous
The sentence is already out of your hands.    
"That's what sucks about sin. We can choose to sin but we can't choose the consequences."
posted at 14:18:58 on February 13, 2013 by Anonymous
Why settle for only 2 years of paying Him back?    
"Pick up the pieces and spend the rest of your life paying Him back. Trust the process. It is always best to do the right thing. I have tried the other way many, many times. Never works. We are sometimes blind to it, I guess thats why we have faith. Good Luck"
posted at 14:34:13 on February 13, 2013 by Anonymous
Nothing is set in stone    
"I've heard wilder tales than a dude in your shoes still being able to serve a mission. Just be honest and let the chips fall where they may. If I was your Bishop (ha! that'd be the day) I would think that a far greater show of faith in God than the alternative. Do you trust God?

Besides, if your only concern is paying God back "I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another — I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants." (Mosiah 2:20, 21). There's more to life than a mission."
posted at 17:21:07 on February 13, 2013 by they_speak
Head to the Bishop    
"My thoughts were similar to those already shared.

#1 Honesty is the clear path for you and the most direct path to repentance and freedom.

#2 The question isn't whether we will make mistakes and fall. It's how quickly will we get back up. Repentance is not for the wicked; it's for the righteous.

#3 Excommunication, if it happens, is a formal step to help you return to God through baptism. YOU have already cut yourself off from God by your actions.

#4 You do not owe God two years, so don't think that way.

You owe him your life.

And then some."
posted at 21:04:37 on February 13, 2013 by beclean
Right on Beclean right on!    
"Sergio,

Think carefully about what Belcean is saying, you owe your life. The mission years are essential and a great experience to serve and grow. You can still serve and grow without it in different ways.

Come what may and process it one day at a time.

I feel for you right this second but I do think you have to reach out to the Bishop and trust him as the Lord's mouthpiece in this situation.

Hang in there brother and be honest with yourself even if it hurts real badly."
posted at 21:57:27 on February 13, 2013 by ruggaexpat
Mission    
"If you feel unworthy to serve a mission, then you should not go as it will not "fix you.""
posted at 16:14:17 on March 6, 2013 by Anonymous
Mission is out    
"Your mission now is to CHANGE. (thats MY mission too, by the way). Your mission now is to repent and get a new heart. And as far as "paying Him back".... you can never do it... we all will always be in His debt. Sorry for your heart ache... it hurts, I know..... HE is the answer... He always has been and always will be."
posted at 22:47:40 on March 6, 2013 by itstime
The long term forecast is still sunny.. Have compassion on yourself    
"I suspect if this girl is still in the area, it will be really hard for you. I'm so sorry this happened to you in a moment of weakness. My heart broke when I read your story knowing how much you had your eyes set on going on a mission and serving the Lord. You must be all tied up in side, and feeling like you let so many people down including yourself. Ouch!

This is a big rain storm in your life and there will be some consequences. We don't know what the Bishop or stake president will do. We don't know if a mission is out for you. You can go on a mission till age 25 I think? I imagine they want to understand if this was a one time thing or if you are going to struggle with your girlfriend over and over.. They know that once that bridge has been crossed with a girlfriend, it's nearly impossible to go back. They will look at your remorsefulness and ability to keep your covenants.

Actually, My bishop told me that the new guidance is to make excommunication more rare and to let bishops handle less complex issues like this. I know several married people that have slipped with adultery and were not excommunicated. Ideally, they will figure out your level of remorsefulness and what is best for YOU to feel repentant (changed).

Many have stated it above.. You can have a fulfilling life serving the Lord in many ways. There are full time stake missionaries. You have a lifetime to serve others. You will live through this. The Lord still loves you. Best of luck"
posted at 08:30:28 on March 7, 2013 by Anonymous
Called of God    
"It will be right for you to go on a mission if you are called of God. You will be called of God by a prophet when you are worthy. I love the statement to trust the process! I would also say embrace the consequences sooner rather than later. You will also only be able to truly understand and TEACH the atonement to people when you are truly feeling the ENABLING POWER of the atonement in your life when you serve your mission every day."
posted at 01:08:25 on March 12, 2013 by Anonymous


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"Brothers and sisters, let's sell that summer cottage in Babylon. Let us be not "almost" but "altogether" Latter-day Saints. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006