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Humility
By yosemitesam
1/3/2013 5:59:14 PM
I really, really want to start on my way back. I want to believe that God will help me overcome this. I want to believe that saying my personal and couple prayers will help. I want to believe that reading my scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon, will actually give my spiritual strength. I want to believe that initiating my role as husband and father in the home, with scripture study and FHE, will bring me peace and happiness.

My pride is so strong. I'm holding on to resentment. I'm not doing things specifically to spite God. I'm still harboring grudges. I'm worrying what people think. I'm still angry. I'm still trying to compare my sins/consequences with the sins/consequences of others. I continue to look at the things the church doesn't necessarily explain up front, instead of focusing on all the good.

I know I'll find happiness if I do what's in the first paragraph. I know I won't be happy if I continue down the path of resentment, anger and hate. So why don't I just embrace the righteous path and move on? Why do I continue to stand firm in my pride when I know it's not right? Why won't I look up at the serpent on the staff?

Comments:

It's a start    
"Wanting to believe is definitely a good start. Don't worry, your desires will grow. Be patient with yourself. Recovery can take time and there are lessons to be learned during this time."
posted at 02:21:28 on January 4, 2013 by Anonymous
Yep    
"I've also had some resentment issues, but not toward God. I keep asking Why instead of focusing on my own weaknesses. This has been a major roadblock to recovery for me. Then I remember something I heard Karla Faye Tucker say. She was a convicted murderer who became converted to Christ while on Death Row. Some people called for her to not be sentenced to death because she was converted and she had also had a rough upbringing. But Ms. Tucker made a really good point. She pointed out that her sister had experienced the same upbringing. But she never chose to kill anyone. So Ms. Tucker was willing to go through her punishment because she realized her sentence was a consequence of her own choices. Thinking about this really humbles me."
posted at 06:17:23 on January 5, 2013 by G1rlie


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004