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Want to talk ...
By Another_Dad
12/26/2012 2:56:40 AM
I need to write in here it’s the only place I know I can express myself and have no judgment. I am doing this in Word and going to cut and paste it into a post on this site later. I can’t remember the last time I wrote in here and never expected to again but here I am…

I have come to learn that I make up stories or scenarios in my mind that aren’t true, yet to me at the time it seems so real. Instead of dealing with the issue at the time I don’t and I turn to no self control & … I have just been binging and binging for the past week even today and I just don’t want to do it any more.

My wife may know although I have not spoken to her. I don’t want to go see the Bishop because I seem to see him every other week and I always say “it’s never going to happen again and bam.” I feel like if I got to him now there will be disciplinary action taken.

I am writing in here so I am not hiding any more.

Comments:

Just signing in again.    
"I am looking for some comments so I don't feel alone."
posted at 06:26:04 on December 26, 2012 by Another_Dad
Thanks..    
"...for your post. I can't tell you how many times I've felt the same feelings you just expressed. I promised others it wouldn't happen again, but more importantly I promised myself. So when I fell, I wasn't only an addict but a liar.

This time around I am approaching it slightly differently. I am not promising anyone I will not slip/relapse. I am promising though, that if I do, I will be honest about it. When the temptation comes and I fall, that maybe something I have a heard time controlling, but after the dust settles and I can feel normal feelings again (and have normal thoughts) I can then, have much better control over my actions. I then will have the ability to chose to be honest.

I do think its possible for some people to use this type if system as a way to get away with indulging. But that isn't what I am doing. I truely want to change and there are plenty of times I am still having to white knuck it. I just keep praying, studying and deeply examining my feelings in hopes it will continue to get easier and easier.

Thanks again for your honesty here. There is so much strength to be found in honest and open sharing. Good luck to you in your endeavors."
posted at 09:01:02 on December 26, 2012 by Workingonit
Been there    
"It kind of sucks going to the bishop and telling him you're not going to do it again. But then you do it again. And again. And again. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt. To me, it seems worth it to keep on trying. Remember progress, not perfection.

Plus, disciplinary action isn't so bad. Been there, too. It seems worth it to me to go through that so I can become clean someday.

Hang in there. Prayers sent up for you."
posted at 09:04:10 on December 26, 2012 by Anonymous
Keep on no matter what    
"I feel your pain. I've been there too many times. But I know that it is possible to get the help you need. I think you nailed it by looking deeper than the activity of relapse. Underneath our addictive behavior are roads that have been paved and it is when we uncover these roads that we can see where our real problems lie.
I am currently going through the process of looking at those roads and I don't always like what I see but at least I see.

The policy that has never failed me is to openly and freely confess. I have been through the disciplinary counsel twice and I am still on the road to recovery. But I no longer promise anyone that I won't relapse. These promises only set up a ceiling of perfection that you can never reach. You don't owe anyone a promise to be perfect, only to try your damnedest and be open and honest with your wife. Always travel this road!

Good luck and God bless you and me!"
posted at 13:53:04 on December 26, 2012 by SimonLeper
Do what you CAN, not what you CAN'T    
"That is NOT fun. I wish things were different for you, Dad.

Question: If you have even read step 1, how can you promise anyone, "it’s never going to happen again"?

Step 1: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

I recommend that instead of promising people it will never happen again, you promise people that from this day forward, you will
* Read your scriptures EVERY DAY
* Pray sincerely EVERY DAY (if you aren't sincere, pray until you are)
* Read and pray with your wife
* Read and pray with your kids
* Attend your church meetings
* Hold Family Home Evening

Don't promise anyone you won't sin, promise them you will do these things EVERY DAY. Don't report to them, "I screwed up again." Report to them, "I've been reading my scriptures every day."

Surrender to God. You are powerless. Just start studying his life and learning of him, and ask him to guide you, but don't worry about fighting the sin. Give that battle to him. Worry about drawing nearer to God.

It takes YEARS to build a boat that can carry you across the stormy waves to the promised land. Don't worry about the wind and the waves, you can't control them, only he can. You WILL be buried under the water from time to time. So what? You will come out of it, as long as you have built the boat the way he told you to build it.

It takes years to build the boat one day at a time. Get building, and don't worry about anything else.

That's what has worked for me, anyway."
posted at 15:13:29 on December 26, 2012 by beclean
Appreciation    
"Thank you all; each on you have given me insight from your own perspective. I have the Miracle of Forgiveness beside me and I pray for the courage to speak up and stop doing it alone. I tend to be a perfectionist and these guideline you’ve offered help greatly. I have committed to reread the 12 Steps manual. I am not ready to speak to Bishop yet but I am ready to read scripture and pray more intently."
posted at 15:34:11 on December 26, 2012 by Another_Dad
Next step    
"I went for a walk for an hour and a half clearing my thoughts. I read the first page of MoF and starting to feel a little more normal."
posted at 03:05:18 on December 27, 2012 by Another_Dad
Great!    
"This is all good news. I couldn't have said it better than BECLEAN. Keep on doing what you're doing!"
posted at 06:48:07 on December 29, 2012 by SimonLeper


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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006