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I don't know what to do with myself...
By EhVAhN
12/16/2012 11:37:13 PM
Hi, i've been suffering from p/m since the age of 11. Recently i tried getting help with controlling this addiction by seeking out the council of a therapist. It was great for me, I was clean for 2 months or so and was lucky enough to have very little temptation during those two months. But, life happened and I had to move to a different state away from that therapist, and sure enough i not only relapsed, but lost my virginity to someone whom i didn't even know the name of. Since then i have been back and forth with my slip ups none of which the sobriety period lasted any longer than a few days. I am preparing to leave for a mission here in June, and i'm still having lots of troubles with this addiction. I have talked to bishop, but he doesn't seem to be too supportive or understanding of my problem. I NEED TO BE WORTHY TO LEAVE FOR THIS MISSION. I honestly believe my brains are currently being broiled with guilt and anxiety on not knowing how to fix it and the closer i get to when i'm supposed to leave, the hotter my brain will get till, finally it just gives.

(just in case it helps any1 that knows what these are)
I have 18 of the 45 cognitive distortions/thinking errors including:
lying- (this tends to be a daily act all the way from either a white lie to a *no i did not view* lie to my mom)
withdrawl
loner
Personalization
procrastination

Currently the problem i am having is that even some of these blogs turn me on and i have to stop reading or else i will just lapse. It would not be a first time i lapsed after reading porn addict recovery blogs. I need more resources to help me through this addiction. SA meetings have caught my interest where can i get more info location and times etc etc. I have found that being around people helps me supremely, to the point that i don't even have dirty thoughts (depending on whom i am with). the only other coping method that i have is just willpower and that is obviously not going to suffice. I have all the methods that the therapist taught me, but none are things I CAN DO willfully do to stop myself.

Sorry for the scatter-brained post, i'm here so i can be with you and not with my addiction. I need help finding good resources so that i can start this process and stick with it. I plan on visting this blog at a minimum of once weekly to post thoughts/feelings/slipups/etc etc. Hopefully doing so will help guide my life towards the straight and narrow.

Comments:

Last night    
"....at our 12 step meeting we read through step one. One of the quotes from step one really stood out to me. Boyd K. Packer said
“The study of the doctrines of the gospel will
improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior
will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy
behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why
we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of
the gospel”

I for one think I am reading to much amature material. There are a lot folks out there struggling with this, but we need to very cautious on where we spend our time. There is so much power in the scriputes and talks, that we can really fill up our time with these good things and not have anytime for the things that will pull us down.

Good luck and stay strong."
posted at 08:43:26 on December 17, 2012 by workingonit
Group Meetings    
"Hi - sorry to hear about your recent struggles. Good that you've recognized them and confessed them. Make sure there's nothing else that you're hiding or minimalizing as you begin to move forward.

Since you seem to draw strength from others, I would suggest finding a support group in your area if possible.

I attend LDS 12 step because it's available in my area. It has really helped me to talk about things openly among people who understand. When I got started, I was so out of control that I attended 2 meetings a week, I've heard of others doing even more depending on their need.

At these meetings I would also suggest finding a support person with whom you can do daily follow ups (like a sponsor). This will help you base your recovery on Christ (and not yourself) and help you recognize the path to relapse earlier and earlier, as well as help you find ways to cut it off earlier.

Also, I'm not sure who you've reached out to that you know besides a bishop, but opening up to a friend or family member can be helpful as well. Someone you trust.

Good luck!"
posted at 08:27:22 on December 19, 2012 by recovery.gdo
Meeting Websites    
"SA meeting locations are here: www.sa.org/meetings.php

LDS 12 step meetings are here: http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/"
posted at 08:27:51 on December 19, 2012 by recovery.gdo
God bless and good luck    
"Thanks for being on here. I have struggled with this thing since I can remember. I have been in your shoes and fallen just as I was reaching out for help. I suppose the important part is the reaching. But there are deep wells inside of us that sometimes we have to drain and it takes a lot of digging before we can even find the source.

I found that going on a mission did not solve my problem. I was able to stay sober for almost the entire two years but I relapsed just at the end. Yet, my mission taught me valuable things that I couldn't have learned anywhere else.

Good luck. Make sure you are as honest as you know how to be, especially with your Bishop. Listen to his counsel and don't justify any bit of your sins or addiction. Do not be overbearing on yourself or too hurtful. Be kind and loving to yourself and demand only what you can give at this point--be honest, be honest, be honest. The most important thing is sobriety for life. I believe it's even way more important than a mission.

Good luck. I'll check on you from time to time. Stay strong, God bless and good luck to you and to me and to all of us!"
posted at 14:52:32 on December 19, 2012 by SimonLeper
Just do it!!!!    
"Gee, I discovered my body at age 11 when those first wisps of hair started to appear. I rubbed them and it felt good. Later I started exploring more "down there.' Soon, I would come home from school and well......I will leave that to your imagination...and it felt good. It was not until I was 13 I was told how "Vile" and "disgusting" my actions were because someone else told me it was wrong for a young lady to "Touch herself.' Geesh. Just go for it. I would rather see some nice young man getting his 'jollies' in the bedroom than acting out on some unsuspecting girl. I forget the name of the movie but it was about an angel that decided to fall. The soon to fall angel was told, by another angel that fell, "God gave these bozos wonderful bodies that can do something as simple as taste a peach or fall in love." Just go for it!!!!!!! Have fun and enjoy yourself. In about 30 or so years, when you can't get it up anymore and you ooze out a drop or two (hardly worth cleaning up), you will regret not enjoying yourself while you could."
posted at 22:58:49 on January 3, 2013 by Anonymous
Isolating    
"Yes, getting outside of ourselves helps a lot...being around other people. Some find attending a meeting every day helps. Just bring your body and your heart and mind will follow."
posted at 01:58:51 on January 4, 2013 by Anonymous
Zzz    
"Hey, troll. If you come on tomorrow to make it 3 nights in a row you better bring your A game. 3 strikes and you're out. Seriously. Wise up and really start upsetting people. You can do it."
posted at 02:27:55 on January 4, 2013 by they_speak
You can be helped    
"You need to have the unclean spirit of lust cast out of you by a worthy priesthood holder. If you are truly ready to change your life and sincerely want to go on a mission you need to be completely honest about everything you have ever done or said that was innappropriate and confess this to your bishop. You also have to humble yourself.

When the unclean spirit is cast out this can get rid of the compulsions leaving you with only the bad habbits. After this unclean spirit has been cast out, you have to make a commitement to Heavenly Father that you will strive to overcome the bad habbits that you have developed and do all the things that our church leaders encourage us to do, scriptures, prayers, service.

You will also have to follow the example below:

HONESTY
CONFESSION
HUMILITY
UNCLEAN SPIRIT CAST OUT
RE-COMMITMENT TO GOD OR MORE UNCLEAN SPIRITS WILL COME BACK
BREAK BAD HABBITS
SERVE OTHERS

Good Luck and God Bless!"
posted at 23:44:04 on January 4, 2013 by Aussie


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