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Sober one day
By wheelrider
11/6/2012 1:04:22 AM
I was married to the most wonderful girl I could ever find. During our marriage, I cheated on her by watching porn. I knew that I needed to tell her about my addiction. So I mustered all the courage I had, and told her that I needed help.
She said, she would help me, but she left me and filed for a divorce the month after that incident. My heart was shattered and I was the only one to blame.

Just one month after the divorce, she got engaged and remarried.
I felt so sad that my addiction had destroyed my family. But I felt devastated because somehow I thought I didn't get the support I was looking for.

After that day, I stopped watching porn for 6 months in a row. I thought I was recovered. I thought, I was cured. I thought, I was healed and could find happiness again.

Time went by and I succumbed to porn again. I hate to admit it, but I'm an addict and I feel ashamed of even praying. I don't like to talk to my bishop about it, or anybody, because I feel that nobody can help me but God.

I feel that the decision has to come from me. But I don't want to change. I used to be sweet and sometimes I feel I have become a monster.

I know I need help, but I don't have friends that I can trust or family that can help.

Comments:

You're not a monster,    
"You're an addict. There is a wonderful relief in finally knowing and admitting that. You are correct. Only God can help us. But I have noticed that He does this through other people. Find a 12 Step support group, my friend. You are not alone. You can recover and find another wife."
posted at 08:35:58 on November 6, 2012 by Anonymous
Be proud of your decision to be honest...    
"You did the right thing by telling her. You made your choices...then gave her the opportunity to make her own choice. Keeping her in the dark would have been controlling her. I'm sorry you feel like you didn't get the support you were looking for...you can not control someone else's decisions, just your own. You can be happy again. Be that sweet person you once were, it's in there. Be honest with a future mate...give her the choice as well. Many women will stand by you if you are honest from the beginning."
posted at 10:18:49 on November 6, 2012 by Anonymous
Wow. I have felt the same way...    
"I, too, have felt that I have become a monster.

But, I am not a monster. I am a child of God. Who wants you to feel discouraged and hopeless? Who wants you to feel unworthy to pray? The adversary. The adversary hates you and wants you to be miserable.

But there is hope...

The road to recovery is difficult. But it is possible."
posted at 18:22:58 on November 6, 2012 by G1rlie
Thank you    
"Thank you for your support. I appreciate it. Still clean"
posted at 21:38:51 on November 6, 2012 by wheelrider
Never a monster    
"I have been addicted to pornography since I was 9 or 10. I left the Church at 14 and came back at 22. I have struggled to remain clean for 14 years. The longest I've gone without it is for 2 years. I have struggled ever since because I have tried to do it on my own. I thought if I was just good enough, if I prayed hard enough, if my thoughts were clean enough, if I was honest about every slip up, if I told my girlfriend who became my wife I could then just....

But it's a lie. No matter how hard I try, no matter how good I am, no matter what approach I take I will forever be clean for days and even months at a time before I will always and eventually relapse. Please reach out to other people. You are not a monster. Satan would have you hide in shame until the Lord comes home to His footstool. Find an addiction group, get involved in a community of addicts who want to break free (such as this!) and tell your next serious girlfriend as soon as you really like her enough to start dating.

We are only as sick as our secrets ... and have you noticed that when it comes to monsters, they never get sick. Seriously, Godzilla never gets the flu, Dracula never gets HIV, Frankenstein's immune system is either not there or a moot point and the Loch Ness Monster never even gets swimmer's itch. Therefore, you can not be a monster :)"
posted at 07:04:01 on December 1, 2012 by SimonLeper


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"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay