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90 Days
By rachp
11/2/2012 8:17:59 PM
I had my first appt with a CSAT this week and am anxious to get working. She asked if I was ready to sign a 90 day sobriety contract since I am already at 28 days, I agreed. I often do better if I have committed to someone besides myself that I am going to stay sober. I am working on cleaning my brain out of all the damage I have done to it the past 20 years.

She asked me so many questions and at this point in my life, I am ready to answer anything I am asked. I will not hide anything, for hiding gets me know where. We are going to look closely at my past trauma and the relationship to the addiction. As we were talking and I was sharing all my past, including all about my family, I don't think I shocked her, but she got the look of are you really telling me all this has happened, and you are still a functioning, productive member of society.

I realize that I easily could have just been another statistic, but I chose to rise above and make better than I had. NO this does not mean I don't have issues, I chose p*orn over drugs to deal with the trauma in my life. I don't know which is worse.......I am grateful I did not chose drugs, but not grateful I have a p*orn issue.

I am grateful to be here today and for all who inspire me to keep going!

Comments:

stay the course    
"way too go! keep at it. you have my support"
posted at 10:51:29 on November 3, 2012 by skyteamst90
The perfect drug    
"Yeah, sexual "drugs" are so addicting. It's such a hard habit to break. It sounds like you're doing the things necessary to turn around. Kick butt, and don't bother taking names. :)"
posted at 11:58:02 on November 5, 2012 by g1rlie


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"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006