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Made it to church
By Malibu
10/29/2012 3:26:47 AM
First time in long while. I went alone though which may be the way it is for quite awhile. Not easy to do. But trie to be humble and smile and thank people who said they miss us. Not gonna lie felt awkward and unworthy. But a step none the less. Wife thinks this too will pass and that she's seen it before and I'll soon be inactive etc. she says it with such matter of fact it scares me. But she has every reason to think that. Marriage holding on by a thread . Hard part is it may already be over in her mind. But as long as I still have breath ill fight......yes she's heard that too. But as most addicts know we believe ourselves when we say it. At least for awhile. Though I won't convince my wife with words, action may someday work. But the action is for me this time . I can't help her if I'm damaged.

Comments:

Sounds familiar    
"For me, every time has been the last time, and I've always meant it when I said I was now ready to change. But it's just REALLY difficult. Trying now to change from the inside out instead of from the outside in. Hang in there, Malibu. <3"
posted at 13:47:40 on October 29, 2012 by Anonymous
Awesome stuff....    
"Just keep in mind, you are in recovery for YOU. Ignore the well-wishers at church. Focus on what matters. All the guys have been where you are right this minute. Many of us have great success stories that are still being written every day. I got to the point where I convinced myself she was going to leave, but I still need to do this. You cannot control her emotions or the words that come from her mouth. I'm sure your wife is a wonderful woman who has endured years of neglect, just like mine. You can get there. You can do this!"
posted at 14:18:33 on October 29, 2012 by chefdalet
Hey. We're all in the same boat    
"Well done, Malibu. I envy you. I haven't been to Chuch since June. But, I'm going back next Sunday. Today is my Day 4. It's hard as heck. I will have to go alone. My wife of 27 years left me June 26th and now lives 2000 miles away. But I've decided to get back up on the horse. The Rowboat and Marbles book has been helpful. I will go to SA for the first time tonight. I am scared *******. It'ssometimes easy to feel sorry for ourselves but we all know that is a worthless endeavour. But as long as we're breathing there is a chance of success. I am so glad to have found this site. Let's hang in there just for today. We can do it."
posted at 15:36:29 on October 31, 2012 by kleatov
yes i agree good comments    
"first thing u do is go to church...dont stop...make a committment to attend every sunday thru the last of the year...thats like less then 8 times...and dude...if this is all u can do then u cud still be saved...

take a shower, brush your teeth....shave!!!!...clean clothes...good church ones, not street ones. sit by ur girl, and sing. or at least follow along...

focus on one thing...then add to it. develop the TALENT of attending church...you CAN do that...one talent will become one, then 2 then 3, and so on....to infinity and beyond...dude u so can do this...this step is easy(er) then others...think ur at skill level one...working to skill level 2...

also tell your wife u love her...you do. touch her hand. tell her u appreciate her work + effort in ur life. ask her to be patient. most likely porn was around before she came along...its not her fault, and this isnt about her...

some where in your old, crusty, shriveled-up heart there is hope + love...it is there other wise u wouldnt care...I AM the same way dude...was the same way...it was there...connect to it + own it. do something nice for your girl...do the dishes, clean something, help her. rub her feet...one thing everyday...at least

you're not damaged....your human...and youre a child of god. we forget that...say I AM A CHILD OF GOD...say it over and over.

hang in there dude....all of you...if u can only can one thing right in life...u still can be saved...do u understand that? once youre on the path youre ok...life may suck every other way, but as soon as ur working with Jesus youre going to be ok...one step at a time"
posted at 07:39:13 on November 5, 2012 by skyteamst90
Hold on now...    
"All great advice except, please find out what your wife needs. Is it space? Does she even want you to touch her hand? Will saying I love you hurt for her right now? All I can say is dint try and control her emotions by touching her if she doesn't want it. Give her time to heal. Don't manage how much time that is. Only she knows. Work on yourself and most importantly stay honest, every time. If you mess up, own it! Don't hide from it no matter what. Have a 24 hour rule in place.

You can get through this! It will get better. You need to know that you cannot do it alone though. Find a support group if you haven't yet. Love ya bro. Now give her time to heal."
posted at 22:54:48 on November 9, 2012 by Anonymous
You can do it    
"Go to church as if life as you know it depends on it. My advice get involved with ward choir ask the bishop for a calling that you can help you commit to something. Make yourself an integral part of the ward.
Do not give up you can do this. Get in an interview with your bishop. Tell him you want to work towards a temple recommend. If he is a good bishop he will work with you it may take time. I would also find a picture of your local temple in your wallet and most importantly have your wedding picture in your wallet by that look at that picture every day. Remind yourself who are you fighting for.

Last of all always be honest with your wife she must be your accountability partner. Make yourself accountable to her."
posted at 19:00:50 on November 20, 2012 by minininja


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"I need not define your specific problem to help you overcome it. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it violates the commandments of the Lord, it comes from Satan, and the Lord can overcome all of Satan’s influence through your application of righteous principles. Please understand that the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now. Satan wants you to think that it is impossible. That is not true. The Savior gave His life so that you can completely overcome the challenges you face. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990