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My addict is trying to kill me
By g1rlie
10/9/2012 2:11:45 PM
He still wants to act out with me. Greg. Yeah,I hit the bottom. But apparently, there was a pickaxe down there for my addict to dig an even deeper bottom. I just want to die. Keep taking too many sleeping pills. But that wouldn't solve anything. I'd still be stuck with myself.

Listened to a documentary last night on distressing Near Death Experiences. I may have had one of those once. Wound up under a dump truck on my way to work one night years sgo. Don't know how. Maybe I blacked out. I thought I died. I saw only blackness. But I had consciousness. I thought, "Am I dead?" Then I saw two people. Although I wasn't married yet, nor did I have children, I knew these to be my children. Someone told me I wasn't dead, but I'd better clean up my act for my children. At the time, I was acting out with my now husband. I never did stop acting out with him until we were married. Then I saw blackness. Then, I finally woke up in my body. I heard people all around me. I couldn't quit back then for my children. Since then, I've learned that the person I need to quit for is me. Because at the end of the day, I am the only person stuck with myself.

In the mean time, my addict is trying to kill me......

Comments:

you have my smile + encouragement    
"K.I.T.....= keep it together
at day 0...oops. i try again"
posted at 21:57:03 on October 10, 2012 by skyteamst90


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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988