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Sometimes...
By SmileInTears
9/27/2012 8:45:19 PM
I don't remember a time where I haven't wanted to be "clean" where I haven't wanted to be free of this. I'm sure I have felt that way before...Satan would want me to feel like that. I'm also sure that out of shame it has most likely been blocked out. I'm only 18, having dealt with this my masturbating addiction for the past.....4 years, a porn addiction for 14 (I was exposed at a young age by a family member) on and off, and now I've seen myself evolve into erotic literature as well. I feel ashamed for having let myself get this far. In the situation I currently live in (at home with my parents) I put my mental and emotional health up for sabotage. I'm in college now (community though - just trying to save money so living at home is a plus in temporal ways) but my parents generally will find more negative things about my behavior than any positive. I have "mommy and daddy issues" as my fiance puts it and he's right. I do have issues with my parents, everything in my life right now I just feel ashamed about. I learned in therapy about the shame "grimlins" and how they hinder my ability to process and take care of myself in a healthy way but right now I feel over come by them. I don't want to be free of this addiction right now. I want to just give up. I'm getting overwhelmed with everything and it seems as though my health is what is getting pushed aside (I also have a mild eating disorder as well). I don't feel like I can talk to people. I feel like there is no more point. It's taking over me, the easier thing to do is to just submit to it.

There are no LDS recovery groups in my area for women, how do ya'll feel about the SA/SAA groups? They have some of those within a half an hours drive... I think going will help me more than anything else. Face to face connection and accountability...there's just something about it that can't be replaced.

Comments:

keep it together    
"k.i.t....

well you can read the zillion posts on here and read lots of books...talk to lots of people...attend meetings...

i just offer my 2 cents....
1) you have to first stop hating yourself...start there i think. how do you do that? reprogramming.....and using words like "I am..." those are the most powerful words in english....define youself with good stuff. love yourself. forgive yourself.

story. do you not have an animal? dog or cat maybe...what do these animals have instictivly? they kill and crave blood. sometimes they give in to the instinct and eat somethin.........do you love your animal anyless because of there carnal state? do you still love them because they have that bad side to them?

well those darn animals love us in their little way...can we not use that same kind of love? think about it.

2) this problem isnt going to be changed until your nature gets changed....your battling your built in megonizium for sex or desire...our bodies are set up with this and only til our nature changes will we have victory....so a) deny yourslef all ungodlyness...and put of the natural man....so do your part + dont....dont go lookking for trouble either...b) the story about jesus being tempted is totally important...the first temptation was about hunger...after 40 days without food..he was pretty hungry. his flesh was hungry. now sex can be right along this one too...but what did he do? didnt give in and he responded to the temptation with truth...so...the truth will set you free.......hint hint....wink wink...right? patterns...sew...work on #1 learning how not to hate urself, because that will stopp you dead in your tracks faster then 65mph...

and try when ur tempted to respond with truth...prayer is good to...like...dear lord im feeling it right now....whew...
skills. we need skills. support is good but we need skills for when were alone that when we need it

and 3rd...laugh....dont forget about that."
posted at 00:17:46 on September 28, 2012 by skyteamst90
A new site    
"I found a new site up and coming...

www.thelighthousecoalition.blogspot.com

Looks like they are going to be opening up a message board for support for women soon."
posted at 01:08:03 on October 1, 2012 by Anonymous


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"Now, my brothers and sisters, let not Jesus’ redemption for us stop at the immortalizing dimension of the Atonement, “the loosing of the bands of death”. Let us grasp the proffered gift of eternal life! We will end up either choosing Christ’s manner of living or His manner of suffering! It is either “suffer even as I”, or overcome “even as [He] … overcame”. His beckoning command is to become “even as I am”. The spiritually settled accept that invitation, and “through the atonement of Christ,” they become and overcome! "

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987