the problem
By john5
9/24/2012 3:23:21 AM
My life is completely insane right now. I'm caught between two worlds right now. In one, I'm the luckiest guy on earth with a perfect homecoming date, good grades and who has a ton of fun in sports. in the other I'm an addict who acts out only at night and feels completely inadequate for either worlds. Then theres stupid things like sickness and parents threatening each-other with divorce that affects both worlds quite a bit. I really shouldn't rant like this. I have so much to be grateful just all seems completely pointless since I haven't been able to break this cycle. Its just ridiculous how simple a complex problem can be. It always happens the same way....I mess up, resolve to do better, then either stress or stupidity will bring me to the doorstep of acting out. Sometimes I walk away, and sometimes I enter, but most of the time I run then maybe an hour or so later do it anyways. Sometimes the cycle takes a week and a half and sometimes it takes a day. I don't know which problem I should attack...there will always be stress and stupidity (though I can limit the latter with practice) so I keep wanting to just leave the problem alone when I know those things are in check, and hope it takes care of itself. It may be fine for a little while until any given night when I can't sleep and there seems to be no reason to fight it. I have no clue what to do next. years ago I thought I would have been clean by now, but I'm in basically the same cycle, but with different circumstances. I don't know what else to do. Dad's hands are obviously tied and meeting with the bishop doesn't help at all anymore. For now I'll pray and find some way to tune out the incredible guilt. if you've gotten this far than thank you for listening to this ridiculously long rant-session.


Be patient with yourself    
""Be patient with yourself. Perfection comes not in this life but in the next life. Don’t demand things that are unreasonable, but demand of yourself improvement. As you let the Lord help you through that, he will make the difference."

---Russell M. Nelson

Hang in there, John5. Overcoming addiction is difficult, but possible."
posted at 12:15:47 on September 24, 2012 by Anonymous

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"Strength comes from uplifting music, good books, and feasting from the scriptures. Since the Book of Mormon was to come forth “when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31), study of that book in particular will fortify us."

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988