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I must be insane...
By g1rlie
9/16/2012 3:30:43 PM
We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
--Step 2 from Sexaholics Anonymous White Book

So, I've formally completed Step 1. Now, I'm on to Step 2. When I asked my sponsor what I need to do for Step 2, he told me I have to really think about how I am insane. He told me sexaholics have departed from sanity and are therefore insane. He explained to me that a sexaholic may have sex with someone because they are looking for love or they are trying to feel whole by being with this other person. Sometimes people misuse sex in attempt to cure their loneliness. But these are all misconnections.

So how do I know I am insane?

If I'm looking for love, why am I looking for it with this guy? All I am getting is sex with lust, and that creates more lust. Then I just feel hungrier for even more sex. If I masturbate for whatever reason(embarrassing to admit, but it's true), that just makes me want to have more sex and it doesn't solve anything.

And as a result, I put my health and my life in jeopardy. I put my husband's health and life in jeopardy. I put myself at risk of becoming pregnant with Greg's child which would be a very awkward and difficult situation. I put my job at risk because Greg is in management where I work and I am just a bargaining unit employee. Plus, I hurt my husband, I hurt my children, and I hurt myself.

Therefore, I am insane because I am looking for love and happiness with some creepy scary man that is a he-whore. And I feel like I am now a whore, also, because I've had sex with this man. It's a bad feeling. Also, I am insane because I've done these things with Greg to find a little comfort, love, and happiness in life, but the reality is, I have a great amount of discomfort, pain, and I've lost a whole lot of love and happiness. And I have caused a lot of other people pain and unhappiness.

I so don't want to ride on this crazy train anymore. It is no fun.

Comments:

crazy as it sounds... have you told your company about relationship with greg?    
"Usually companies have polocies around sexual behavior. Usually they aren't allowed in direct line of management and need to be documented outside of direct line of management. This protects the company from sexual harassment suits.

He kinda has you over a barrel. If you don't perform he can say something to his buddies and affect your performance.

Most states have a whistle blowing policy. If you say something you are protected."
posted at 08:33:43 on September 17, 2012 by Anonymous
Yeah, I told them.    
"I informed the Union and management about the relationship. He is no longer in charge of me, though he once was in charge of me. I'm kinda worried because he is friends with my current manager. Oh, well. :/ I basically asked that Greg not be allowed in the building when I am working. Greg does not work in the same building as me. He works 1200 miles away."
posted at 13:06:16 on September 17, 2012 by g1rlie
Crazy thoughts - or thoughts on insanity    
"I have been listening to a couple of crusty old alcoholics lately named Joe and Charlie; really good stuff! Their thoughts on insanity have had me thinking about this a lot. They feel that the insanity referred to isn’t actually the whacked out things that we do when we are under the influence. It is that we return to our addictions when we are sober and know everything we have to lose and all the suffering that our addiction causes. With sexual addiction I find it hard to tell when I am sober to the point that I am past the physical withdrawals. Since the chemicals are all within our bodies it is also difficult to know exactly when I fall under the influence again.

I do know though that since I got into recovery I have had some really good periods of sobriety/recovery and that the drugs are no longer in my system per se. Yet I have still gone back to my addiction knowing the sweetness of recovery and the pain of addiction. THAT IS REAL INSANITY! The Big Book makes this more obvious with the example of jay-walking. It starts on the bottom of page 37 in Chapter 3 “More About Alcoholism” You can read it online at http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm it is interesting how obvious the insanity is when it is someone who jay-walks rather than an addict or an alcoholic. Why do we crave what will kill us?!! The other thing that drives me crazy is what lengths I will go to to act out and how lazy I can be regarding the things I need to do to stay clean!"
posted at 16:27:27 on September 18, 2012 by justjohn
@JustJohn    
"Funny you should mention Joe and Charlie. I've been listening to their stuff lately, and it is some Amazing information. Yes, it is real insanity, going back to the addiction after recovery. I've done this before--started recovery (not completion) and then went back to my addiction. I enjoyed reading your viewpoint. Yes, it is very odd that we crave that which will kill us. :)"
posted at 09:29:38 on September 19, 2012 by g1rlie


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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
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    General Conference, October 1988