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What I wish I would have known
By Leo
8/21/2012 1:49:57 PM
Ten things I wish I would have known:

1. Talking about it changes everything.

2. It hurts more than just me.

3. Headaches and sleepless nights are part of overcoming an addiction.

4. I am not the only one.

5. It does get better.

6. The Savior is the only way, but there are necessary steps along the way.

7. Serving your spouse is much better than expecting to be served.

8. Pornography leads to misery. NO middle ground or healthy ways to indulge.

9. An eternal perspective is much better than dreading each minute of hoping not to give in.

10. It is about bettering my whole life, not just overcoming a weakness.


Ten things I wish all wives knew:

1. The husband knowing that you hurt is better than you trying to hide the pain.

2. Your confidence in knowing who you are, will help him better remember who he is.

3. Understanding overcoming an addiction is a process, not a moment.

4. Him relapsing does not mean back to square one. Reevaluate and move forward.

5. Being completely firm in boundaries and expectations is best.

6. Don't ever think your husband would never..., be open and ask!

7. The Savior's Atonement is real for you and him.

8. No matter his progress, you are entitled to eternal happiness.

9. Have him make a plan and you follow up...for years if necessary.

10. What once was sacred, is always sacred, no matter how he sees it.


I sat here going through this with my wife. Five years ago I could not even look at her face and say pornography. The Gospel has carried us through. Miracles are possible. One day at a time. Optimism is so important. I am constantly learning and constantly trying to improve who I am. Ever since I was a missionary I look in the mirror in the morning and tell myself "never give up, no matter what." Some days I wanted to. But I didn't. The Savior has carried me often. But I will take it anywhere and anytime.

Comments:

Leo,    
"That was amazing! Thank you for sharing!!"
posted at 20:06:58 on August 21, 2012 by Anonymous
leo i appreciate the words    
"good stuff man. but i dont think i wil get remarried. alot of the kids on here have spouses o that a two edged deal. But for me I lost mine. Because of my choices...so some nice girl isn't goingto want me...sew. but I move forward and do the best ican"
posted at 23:49:18 on August 24, 2012 by Anonymous
leo i appreciate the words    
"good stuff man. but i dont think i wil get remarried. alot of the kids on here have spouses o that a two edged deal. But for me I lost mine. Because of my choices...so some nice girl isn't goingto want me...sew. but I move forward and do the best ican"
posted at 23:49:21 on August 24, 2012 by skyteamst90
Sky    
"Thanks for the comments. All I can say is the Atonement is real and is for all of us. If it weren't so I don't think anyone would be enjoying an eternal marraige. Take care."
posted at 08:28:16 on August 25, 2012 by Leo


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"The Savior teaches that we will have tribulation in the world, but we should "be of good cheer" because He has "overcome the world". His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction… He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He binds up our wounds and cares for us. Brothers and sisters, the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference October 2006