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Will she ever be made whole?
By change4good
8/9/2012 1:29:05 PM
I have decided that I am going to confess to the bishop and my wife. I have not set a specific date and I am sure that setting a goal for myself is a good step. We are actually in the middle of buying a house and I didn't want to do it until we are moved in so that there is no added stress.

Will my wife ever get over the fact that I have addicted myself to porn and mb? Will she ever be made whole again? Will our relationship ever feel the way it did in the past? Are there things that I can make sure that I do on a regular basis that will make all the difference in the world to her? Will she ever understand the addiction and associate my behavior with a chemical bondage that I put myself in? Will showing her these blogs that I have written help her to know how much I truly love her and help her to ease the pain?

Based on my blogs, you can most likely tell that confession to the bishop is the least of my worries. My pinnacle concern is the well being of my wonderful wife. I am suffering every day when I act normally around her when I had been crying my eyes out alone hours earlier. I have begged God to remove the pain from her and give it to me but I know that that is not possible and that, according to what most have said, it is necessary for her to feel the pain in order to heal. Every time I think about telling her it just rips up my insides. I wish so badly that I had known how to combat this addiction before we ever met and that I informed her that I was recovering from the start. Her world will have turned upside down at hearing what I have to confess.

Will the 12 steps work for me? I want assurances that I can change for good. I do not want to ever relapse but it may happen. I never want this sin that I hate to enter my life again. Are there statistics on the effectiveness of the 12 steps with regards to sexual addiction? Is the church's program for sexual addiction just as good as or better than regular sa meetings? I cannot imagine anything more difficult than what I need to do now. I fear that I will lose focus on work, my responsibilities, my friends and family, because I will be concentrating all of my efforts and all of my strength on helping my wife recover from this awful truth!

Comments:

Believe it or not...    
"your relationship can be even better than it is now. Recovering from something like this-as a couple- brings a whole new level of intimacy."
posted at 13:55:50 on August 9, 2012 by Anonymous
Could you go into detail, Anon?    
"I want to know if you have a personal example. Would you please share the reason that you stated that my relationship could be even better than it is now? I am very interested to know as much as I can so that it will give me confidence when I go to talk to her. I appreciate your comment, it just made me very curious about how you know. Thank you!"
posted at 14:20:17 on August 9, 2012 by change4good
I hear that things can be better...    
"Ihave never seen it.. Looking for anecdotal evidence on this too"
posted at 15:30:26 on August 9, 2012 by Anonymous
Breathe:-) There is hope!    
"All the tools are available for all of the questions you asked to end favorable. But again, it's all based on whether or not your wife chooses to rely on the Atonement.

For me - with my husbands last slip - I struggled the first few days but then my wonderful sponsor said to me "look at this as an opportunity to practice forgiveness" and that very point was my turning point. I looked at it as an opportunity to practice a virtue. I actually blogged about this very concept on my recovery blog...

http://bythelightofgrace.blogspot.com/2012/07/practicing-virtues.html />
Hope this helps!

Also. I'm proud of you:-)

Sidreis"
Relinked    
posted at 21:15:15 on August 9, 2012 by siouxsie
Better    
"It is true that the relationship can be better. My relationship with my husband is so, so, so much better now than it ever was before. He still slips but we have a completely different and beautiful relationship now.

On another note....if you really want to get there though then the one piece of adivce I would give is to make the "pinnacle of your concern" the pain you have caused your Savior and not what you have done to your wife. As you do that then the pain you have cause your wife will come into clear focus but it will be in the correct perspective. If you focus on your wife as the primary concern, then everything will fall apart. Until my husband detached from my pain and my recovery we were stunted in our healing process in a codependent tangled knot. As you move forward in recovery the phrase "let go" or even "let her go" will make more and more sense.

Good luck. You are doing the right thing."
posted at 11:06:05 on August 10, 2012 by maddy
it is really hard    
"Everyone is so positive, but it was hell. And still is even
After working, fasting,etc for more than a year. It seems to be easier for those who have always known and those who have been in contact with addiction. For the other poor wives, it canbe the shock of her life. It caused me to go trough post traumatic shock. I wanted to die and it is taking time to heal. Just so you. It takes a lot to heal for either of you. There are no guaranties in life. U can not control her choices. and one other thing, you do not have a choice if you continue you are going to die spiritually and lose her anyways, Recovery is your only sane choice. Good luck"
posted at 19:40:35 on August 11, 2012 by Anonymous


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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990