Pride can die in a fire!
By siouxsie
8/2/2012 9:47:51 PM
Man - I am struggling lately with pride; specifcally feelings of being right and feelings of entitlement. I hate it when it gets so bad that I'm consumed by it. Recently something happened in which being right became more important than the greater Over a period of about a week I was torn apart emotionally and spiritually as I struggled for control and validation instead of focusing on my Savior.

For the first time in a while I even got suicidal again. I often think about death, but it's more of "man, today would be a good day to go home" rather than taking my own life. But last week I was surrounded by such darkness and such specific thoughts about taking my life in a manner that I've never really thought about before made it apparent that those thoughts were the result of whisperings from followers of the adversary.

It surprised me a bit that I didn't trigger with my addiction. I think I decended below that though; below the point that even that could bring me joy. I touched thoughts that normally would help me numb pain, but even those didn't bring the usual solace.

I met with my bishop on Tuesday and it was the first time I'd felt peace in quite a long time. I truly believe the adversary was left at the door of the church building. My bishop pulled out JSH and read where Joseph was choked by the advesary and related that to my experience with my suicidal thoughts. That really rang true for me. I know i have a lot to offer to others in regards to recovery; specifically other sisters who struggle with sexual addiction. I have been given so many opportunities lately to share my story and spread hope. I just had a conversation yesterday out in my front yard with my neighbor who finally mustered up the courage to ask me what my addiction is. It seems she struggled at one time too. I guess the consolation is that I am a distruber in Satan's kingdom. Dang right I am. I'm a freakin warrior. He won't win.

Today the Ensign came and I quickly grabbed it to read it... I so loved the first article titled "Answering the Call of Duty." which profiles President Monsons service to his fellow man in the church. I sobbed through this entire talk. I love him so much and his example is so imporant to me. In reading this talk I realized I'd lost sight of my purpose on this earth. This article helped me refocus on my mission on this earth; to serve the people. To bring other sisters who struggle unto Christ. I am to focus on my Savior and simply love and bear testimony of Him.

Thanks for listening...



Thank you for sharing!    
posted at 02:46:17 on August 3, 2012 by Anonymous

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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988