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False Evidence Appearing Real
By g1rlie
7/30/2012 7:33:56 PM
F.E.A.R.

Feeling so afraid....He is coming.....And he's made it very difficult on me to cancel. He's made himself "unavailable" for me to contact. Yeah, he went to visit his parents for the week. Or so he says. I guess he knows how I operate by now. *sigh*

Yeah, I know I could choose not to show up at that hotel. I could just choose to be with my husband instead on that day. Maybe if only I did this he would be out of a lot of money and he'd be sick and tired of me putting him through this stuff. Ah, but I must beware of the "If only" trap...

I don't know if I can handle this situation. Maybe I'll just pray to God that He will grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change and to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Maybe I'll just pray that He will help me to mold my will to His will. I so need divine intervention here. :/

Right now, I'm not making a decision on what I'm going to do when that day comes. Trying to make that decision Now, I figure, will just make me anxious and fearful. So I'm just going to enjoy this day of sobriety and I'll take another 24.

This is so hard...Remember progress, not perfection....I've so gotta watch out for my addict....

Fear does not come from God and it is the opposite of faith...

Comments:

Art    
"I really like that acronymn. A thought occurred to me that you might consider. Draw, paint, whatever two things that symbolize your situation. Do some time of art to express your feelings.
Here, you don't have any visuals, it's just words.

Not sure if this made sense. I can explain further if needed"
posted at 09:16:28 on July 31, 2012 by anon16
this guy is preying on you..    
"He knows you are weak in this area. He is like Satan himself. Setting a trap for your soul. It's so obviousl. He is putting the bait out there in the middle of his web. Not answering his phone is part of the lure..

Seriously -- He is going after a married woman with kids. He knows he's destroying your family and he relishes in it. He loves the taboo-ness of having you and cuckolding your husband. It's a competition with your unknowing husband and It makes him feel powerful that you prefer him to your husband. He is laughing inside..

This is a game for him to see if he can get you. That's his addiction. I would bet he is playing the same game with many other woman at the same time. That's why he doesn't care when you turn him down over and over.. He's playing a odds and knowing that sooner or later you will go to him which will make the win even sweeter.

Remember- this is all your choice.. You can white knuckle it yet again which is OK but you will suffer all weekend.. A better approach that works for me is to do something else so you thinking about something else instead.. Go plan a fun day with your husband and/or kids then you cant make it and you will be focused on other things. go explore another part of the state. Just get away.

You know what the right thing to do is.. Examine your feelings -- what possible justification would there be to spend the time with him other that pure selfish, physical reasons.

If you have someone to call -- a sponsor. bishop. someone from this site. Do it! Talking in person is way better than just posting.

But you can only fight 1 day at a time. We love you. We have compassion that you are stuck with these feelings. We know you are strong enough. Even if you fall and go with his, we will still love you and have compassion for you."
posted at 10:31:11 on July 31, 2012 by Anonymous
Replies    
"@Anon16--That's a great idea. :) Thanks.

@Anonymous--I don't know what he (Lover) is thinking. He is probably a crazy person, though. Probably, I am, also, since I am in this situation. Yeah, it is my choice. Hopefully, I can make it through okay. Wow. Exploring another part of the state is probably a perfect idea. Don't know if I will do this, though. But it would be Perfect :).

Yeah, I'm gonna have to call this guy Lover because using his initials is too dangerous in case my hubs looks up this site. :/"
posted at 13:04:54 on July 31, 2012 by g1rlie
Do not bargain with the Devil!    
"He is to cunning, alluring, smart.......and has a millennia of practice. Do as the scriptures tell us to do. RUN! The devil is not in your heart he is in your head. Your brain, is addicted not your heart, not your soul. Christ can cure your brain. Do not get on the phone get on your knees.

You mentioned in an earlier post that your husband had an addiction. Did you ever go through a healing process of your own. Did you both seek counseling and go to recovery meetings together or separately? If not both of you may be struggling with the weaknesses of character that are exposed and magnified through the process of addiction in a marriage.

I know if I did not seek for recovery for myself after the discovery of my husbands emotional infidelity, that I would have been very vulnerable to advances of sexual predators. They know how to spot us. Women who are vulnerable, going through trauma or emotional neglect. I do not know if this is what has happened in your situation but, I know this temporary fix is not worth the long term devastation to you and your family. Put your sexual tension into your marriage. Fake it until you make it! Make your own movie with your husband as the main character of your affection. I bet you can get the Oscar if you work hard.

Find a good Sexual Addiction therapist. They are hard to find, but I would recommend, Dr. Doug Weiss in Colorado. He has helped many I am aware of. Including myself and my husband. You can have the marriage you deserve and the emotional and physical and spiritual fireworks in your marriage that your Father in Heaven planned for you to have. Mind Blowing, after all God knew what he was doing. He created us and he has a body just like us. Not the counterfeit you are settling for.

Pray, Pray, Pray!!!!!"
posted at 00:43:58 on August 1, 2012 by Hero
@Hero--    
"Hmmm....Sexual addiction therapist...I didn't know about this sort of thing. Perhaps I will look into it. :)"
posted at 11:47:55 on August 1, 2012 by g1rlie


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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988