Life goes on
By ruggaexpat
7/25/2012 10:46:47 PM
I may be a recovering addict for life but life goes on and it can be provide cool experiences.

Since my recovery started my life has really had some seriously cool blessings added. I finally made it into the position I studied so freaking hard for. Then got a better job and relocated to another City and working in now dream job.

The family is better but the wife still is resentful. She has changed a lot, and she allows me to get closer to her but I know it is all about her timing and the Lords and I am at peace with that.

I see a lot of old buddies here are still tugging along like myself. I miss you guys who gave me so much support in the early days of doom. God bless you all for those times. I was on track at one point to break the record for most posts in a year. Those were the days life really sucked bad and I needed this community.

Anyway now working on my intimacy obesity. If anyone can tell me where I can now buy material on intimacy obesity I would really appreciate it. Truthfully I am still an intimacy retard aspiring to rid myself of IA.

Anyway hang in there all, it does get better, the consequences of addiction cannot be erased but they sure provide for decent learning experiences.

God Bless


"Ok - I'm sorry for my naivity - but I've never heard of intimacy obesity... what's that?

Also - I think it's great that you are doing so well! Just posting that offers hope to others. That's great:-)

posted at 02:00:06 on July 26, 2012 by siouxsie
I was just talking nonsense    
"Intimacy anorexia is what I stuggle with, not easy for me to connect emotionally with my loved ones. I withold love as a way of dealing with my pain.

I was just using obesity for fun, opposite of anorexia, I need as much healthy intimacy as I can create."
posted at 22:21:26 on July 29, 2012 by ruggaexpat
Aww ok    
"Gotcha! Never heard it called that but makes sense. Thanks for the clarification!"
posted at 00:31:06 on July 30, 2012 by siouxsie
Hi Rugga!    
"So nice to hear of your recovery and success. I check in not so often to see how many of my friends on this site are doing. It is nice to get a positive update. I believe this gives hope to all.

You commented on the IA? As you know that was my hubby's biggest problem. I can tell you it is very painful for the spouse of and IA. I am glad you are still striving to fight that addiction. I can tell you that the couples that are in my group who's husbands do not choose to address IA and do the work, the addiction cycle soon takes it's tole on the recovery process. Not addressing the IA seems to always lead to relapses. Having said that, I know the couples who do go the extra mile and address the IA head on, including the SA recovery process, show far more successful recovery for the couple.

I do know that in all the books I have read on SA and recovery books for spouses that all of the authors refer to DW, he is the expert on this subject. He (DW) now has call in support groups for IA, those were not available when my husband and I attended. One of the couples who attended as a last ditch effort, took the leap to attend his intensive therapy, they are continuing with his call in accountability groups. They also attend the PASG meetings and for the first time in more than a decades are having a hopeful recovery.

As for myself.... my IA is no longer with me. He passed several months ago. It has been so difficult to adjust to my new reality. I am thankful for the short time we had together in a celestial marriage on this earth. To know what it is like to be able to relate to your spouse spiritually and physically and emotionally in the most intimate union is truly what our Father in Heaven wanted for us to experience. I know the tools I acquired in our recovery process has helped me deal with my new situation, my grief, anger fear, feelings of abandonment........ I am thankful for the opportunity to understand patience, with others and with myself and with the Lord. I know we take our relationships, characteristics, personality, testimony and knowledge with us, I am thankful the Lord allowed us to work through so many thorns in our life garden and do some heavy weeding before our separation.

It is still extremely hard for me as I continue to work on my recovery. It takes years for spouses. I understand sometimes longer than the addicts. As I have learned to take it all to my Father and His Son in the same intimacy that I have learned in recovery I am more astounded at the magnitude of the infinite atonement. I give it all to them in intimate detail, thoughts, hurts, anger, fear, grief, and i am never, never disappointed.

Life is truly a test. But I love that I always have the spirit whispering in my ear the answers.

Love to you and your family.
posted at 23:22:52 on July 31, 2012 by Hero

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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004