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What is Happening to me...?
By jja1234
7/23/2012 12:30:11 AM
Hello again. I'm on what would be day 42 of sobriety.... Had I not slipped up for 42 days straight..... I don't understand it. I feel so happy when I'm doing right, and so miserable when I'm doing wrong. But something inside me still says "this will relieve your stress... your bishop won't have to know" and the ten million other excuses that I use daily.

I'm sorry this will become a venting session to relieve stress so that this can become day 1 of eternity. I think the reason I am acting out so much lately is stress. Stress because I turn 19 this week and am "preparing" for a mission. (I've made the decision and told everyone i'm going to serve. Only lately have I had doubts) Stress because the girl that I've been in love with for 4 years but never told still has me in the friend zone (long story short she was dating my best friend the whole time). Stress because I have this huge weight of addiction sitting on my shoulders and I cant seem to shake it off. Add on to all of this the fact that I'm working insane hours (sometimes more than 80 hours a WEEK) and I feel like I cant go on any farther.

I dont know why I'm making this so difficult. Many Many people have tried and are still trying to help me through this but I'm pushing them away.

Ugh. Long story short again I'm in a depression right now. Things just don't seem to be working out for me anymore and my faith is shaking. I dont mean to depress anybody with this. Just letting everyone know where I'm at with things. I think I'm starting to finally wake up though.

Comments:

Gee thanks    
"Gees. Thanks for all the support guys."
posted at 23:40:50 on July 25, 2012 by jja1234
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"I think you are pushing yourself too hard. Cut your work hours down to 45 or less. Take time to feast on the words of the LORD. Get proper sleep. Pray to be delivered from temptation."
posted at 23:55:40 on July 25, 2012 by Anonymous
Mission does alot of good    
"I remember being aware of my addiction before my mission and working on not acting out during that period. It really was a good thing to have the mission to focus on something else besides myself. Of course this was difficult but with the program the Chruch offers to prepare us, all the tools for forgetting myself in the Service of the Lord were avaible all around. Once on the mission, service and scripture study really laid good strong foundation for sobriety. The other missionaries will also help as they are striving to stand strong against their temptations also. I wish you the best! You know there are alot of people out their struggling with this that could use your help; you'll know of the struggle they're going through. You'll be able to help alot of people turn to the Lord."
posted at 00:34:14 on July 26, 2012 by myid
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"I think you are pushing yourself too hard. Cut your work hours down to 45 or less. Take time to feast on the words of the LORD. Get proper sleep. Pray to be delivered from temptation."
posted at 05:53:05 on July 26, 2012 by Anonymous
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"Sorry for the double post. I do not know how that happened."
posted at 23:20:27 on July 26, 2012 by Anonymous
Hang in there    
"Hello friend. It is normal to feel up and down, especially as your body and your mind goes through chemical withdrawals from not having the stimuli to release them. Being cranky, mood swings. Lack of confidence, depression, stress, these are all normal...
You are not using pornography anymore to drown out your stresses, so you actually have to face them, that can be hard.
You are also habitually used to beating yourself up from countless failed attempts to break free.
At least that is how I have felt. I am now entering my 8th month of complete sobriety. It is slowly getting better. Do you have a good counselor??"
posted at 00:46:27 on August 1, 2012 by WHATTODO2


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"Now, my brothers and sisters, let not Jesus’ redemption for us stop at the immortalizing dimension of the Atonement, “the loosing of the bands of death”. Let us grasp the proffered gift of eternal life! We will end up either choosing Christ’s manner of living or His manner of suffering! It is either “suffer even as I”, or overcome “even as [He] … overcame”. His beckoning command is to become “even as I am”. The spiritually settled accept that invitation, and “through the atonement of Christ,” they become and overcome! "

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987