By Girlie
7/16/2012 5:39:38 AM
Slipped. Bought another secret phone. Called him. As usual, he wants to see me. Drowning in quicksand. Why do I keep making choices that make me very unhappy? If only I would have left that door closed. :(

Knowing no failure ever needs to be final, maybe I can just choose to not talk to him when he calls me tomorrow night. It would be a small victory. Then he won't be back at work for another week, so I can have at least another week of sobriety.

Buying time...

Hypnotherapy--wonder if that works. Tried it once. Found out after the fact and 175 dollars later that the dude wasn't actually a licensed hypnotherapist. I'd make sure the person was licensed next time if I do that. Hmmmm....I know hypnotherapy is used for smoking cessation. Maybe it would work for affair cessation. I so need to get my head right. This could get expensive.

Unfortunately, it made perfect sense why he said he threw that stuff away. He said he knows he is single and free to see other people, but he isn't doing this. I don't believe him. But it is all irrelevant because I have more important stuff to worry about than him. He is free, and so am I. I am free to get out of this situation. It just doesn't feel that way.

Feeling so desperate.

Maybe I should tell my husband that I almost "acted out" with GM. :(

Went to a meeting today. It was good. Also read from the white book. I know I'm not where I need to be. But I'm feeling hopeful that one day I will be.


get a sponsor. asap    
"Ask the facilitators for a female to call. Maybe the bishop. Maybe tell your husband. You need accountability from a real person."
posted at 14:17:43 on July 16, 2012 by Anonymous
"Yeah, I heard in one meeting that I can find one by calling a phone meeting number and asking for a female sponsor."
posted at 15:01:53 on July 16, 2012 by Girlie
If there are other women out there who need sponsorship...    
"I found this link online. These people can help you get a sponsor:"
posted at 15:23:49 on July 16, 2012 by Girlie
heres my 02    
"I've been reading your posts for a while. I was not able to make any real progress in my recovery until I became accountable to my bishop. I would suggest you become accountable to someone who you really care about-that you don't want to disappoint. Like maybe your husband.
You won't make progress until there is something making you want to change, something that will sober you up. I'm surprised you don't have church disciplinebut if you keep going then you will. At this point you need a wake up call. I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh but I remember what I was like(completely different situation though)"
posted at 15:27:10 on July 16, 2012 by anon16
Girlie, you've heard it 20 times or more    
"You need to talk to someone. Now. Every day. Bishop. Sponsor. Group. Husband. AND us. Please do it. Get this out in the open, and your attraction to it will suffer a major blow."
posted at 21:28:46 on July 16, 2012 by beclean

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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006