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Social trigger: Trying to fit in
By myid
7/10/2012 5:48:50 AM
Grateful for this blog where I can write down some of my insecurities.

10 days no mb or p. Almost slipped up yesterday: self lust; mirror (embarrasing to write).

Here on a business trip and went out to eat with my Manger, my boss, a female co-worker, An engineer who is easy to get along with and the young guy who is sharp bright and confident.

My great challenge is feeling comfortable around people who are trying to figure out if they can accept me or not. So I feel like I'm being judged and try to chime in with comments that are intended to make me look cool. Well some of the comments seem to stimulate conversation and help people gain trust. Other comments are out of place or are inappropriate:

My boss was drinking, well everybody was except for me and the lady co-worker, I had to get in on the conversations about the alcohol and all its varieties. I had a few funny and cool comments, but my comments about why I dont drink and that I have a "sugar" addiction instead could have been left out! - Remember, this is my manager I'm talking to who was just smiling after his 6th beer sampler. Just alot of instances of trying to Prove myself. Its my pride but its also wanting to fit in. I want to fit in because I like the job and I've got a family to feed. I also know that being isolated is dangerous for me. Pornography addiction and "Sex with self" really feeds off this social rejection.

But these guys are probably not thinking bad of me; they probably just think I'm a little weird and will get to know me as time goes on. They are probably worrying about their own problems. Luckily I was very tired when I got into my hotel room and fell right asleep.

Comments:

Way to go!    
"Almost.....Hey, you didn't. :) That is awesome. Keep it up. Also, you're being honest. That's part of the 12-steps. This is a good thing."
posted at 11:45:17 on July 10, 2012 by Girlie


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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

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General Conference, April 2006