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Still have the mind of an ADDICT.
By myid
7/8/2012 11:11:43 AM
Still wondering in the wilderness of Hotels and Running low on
money. I'm missing church right now to tend to my daughter who
appears to have come down with Food poisoning? Today marks 9 days of Not acting out with M (Masturbation), P (Pornography) and L (Lust). During this time I've been a clean and sober individual and my confidence had started to grow. Problem is, I'm putting a little bit of my confidence in myself and I'm an Addict! just a little bit is Not a good idea.

So this week can be compared to a house with a cocroach problem and the owner one day decides to seal all the areas where they might be entering the house and even put down some traps. Of course the Cocroaches are still all in the walls and just waiting for the owner to put their guards down before going out to look for food within the home again when the owner is present. So it is with my addiction.

This morning I woke up and I realized all the cochroaches are still there. I had the mind of an addict. I was not entertaing a great lustful fantasy, there were no sexual dreams in the night I can recollect. I just had the addicts mind and fully aware of my tendencies: Binging, looking at internet Porn, Undressing women with my mind and creating full blown fantasies, seeking porn shops, flirting with other women, Masturbation, developing plans for acting out and speaking with sexual language in my mind and out loud.

The list could probably be added to, but I layed there with an underlying fear that I dont have much control over my mind in regards to acting sexualy. Its a scary thought that reminds me of what I am capable of when I am left to my own faculties. Maybe I felt this to remind me that the only long lasting success ive ever had with sobriety was when I put all my Trust in Our Saviour Jesus Christ.

Just one last thought, isnt it interesting how the general authoritie's quotes and pictures are all over this blogging forum. They know of our struggles and are in a way walking with us in regards to this addiction. They are confirming to me that The Lord is the solution becaue they are his messengers. These folks could be doing something else with there time but they are choosing to go out and help people like me. Wow, I really need to be gratefull for them!

Comments:

thanks for sharing    
"Great post"
posted at 12:25:35 on July 8, 2012 by asdfjkl1234
w00t!    
"Yeah, there are some really great quotes. I so agree that the Lord is the solution. We are weak, but He is strong. And in the strength of the Lord, we can do ALL things. :) With God, NOTHING is impossible. :)"
posted at 14:33:23 on July 8, 2012 by Girlie


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"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990