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Day 13
By They_Speak
6/29/2012 2:08:35 PM
I have been to 14 meetings in 13 days. I wouldn't say pressure is mounting its more like just a slow steady pressure that is always present or lurking just around the corner. Gets tiring. Need to get some lies down on paper.

I want to get a massage:

Lie 1) I genuinely just want a massage.

Counter) Then let a big burly dude do it eh?

Lie 2) I can get away with it.

Counter) true it may be that not all massage places do sexual things but if it came up in the moment your power to say no and keep something from happening is...Zero.

Counter) you'd have to tell your wife. Have to. You can't get away with it. Even though emotionally your crazy brain feels you can. You can't. You have to tell your wife. You have to break her heart. You can go. But chances are there that you will leave having something to confess. And you have to confess. You're committed to honesty.

Lie 3) My intentions are innocent. My back really hurts.

Counter) Let a big burly dude do it then dog.

Counter) My intentions are evil. The impetus of my intentions and any actions I take on this course are lust. I want to inflame my lust. I want to walk the line. I want to risk everything. I want my heart to beat so hard with fear and excitement that my hands start to tingle and I think i'm going to have a heart attack or pass out.

Lie 3.5) Yet I want all that but don't wan't anything bad to happen. I want to get away with it. And I think I can somehow. Like I really believe I can act out with out anything unhealthy happening.

Counter) I'm delusional. I'm like the zealot who in-spite of all the evidence in the world will still believe dinosaurs don't exist and the earth is 6000 years old. And even thats not hard enough. I'm like the lunatic who in-spite of the cold hard science of Newtonian physics still genuinely believes he can jump off a cliff and fly without wings, and live.

Counter) I may fly/fall and not die but it's gonna be a hard landing. The good news - you've finally done enough research to know it's not a desirable landing. You don't have to be curious. Curiosity (euphemism - i can't think of a better word) was a real killer. Glad thats over.

Lie 4) I just want to know what it's like

Counter) you know what it's like fool! You've done it. Has it ever ended well?

The solution as I see it is not to get tired. I feel for me getting tired and frustrated with my temptation is a form of NOT glorying in my weakness. NOT rejoicing in step 1. NOT knowing in whom I have trusted. When I get tired because of my weakness its because I'm taking it on. I'm NOT surrendering it. I must and I will, as contradictory as it seems, love my weakness/need for God. I will let it serve only as a reminder of step 1, 2, and 3. I will not let it be a frustrating reminder of my inadequacies. For that is another lie. Probably the king of all lies! That the weaknesses that do so easily beset me make me bad and that I should hate them and be angry with them and be saddened deeply by them. Couple that with then trying to hide them and protect myself from them by playing make belief with my strength... When I accept that lie and slacken in my strength, the Lords strength, that's when I fall. Perhaps the only lie I need counter is that one. Interesting...this (last paragraph) has been cathartic.

Comments:

"Counter) you know what it's like fool! You've done it. Has it ever ended well?"    
"This is awesome. I have found myself thinking more-or-less this same thought when tempted.

Keep up the good fight theyspeak. I hope you are doing well, or at least better after this blog."
posted at 14:42:13 on June 29, 2012 by paul
I've had sexless massages...    
"Does the standard chiropractic clinic perform sexual favors when you get a massage from them? I've never been offered. Massages are great. Personally, I don't even know where to find an evil one...so it's possible to get a massage without problems.

BUT, it's not possible if that isn't your true desire. If you don't really want a massage, and you want something else, you won't find what you are looking for at the chiropractor's.

I love this conversation. Keep examining the conversations in your brain and tell your internal tempter, "Yes, I could do that, if I wanted to. Thanks for the suggestion. But I don't want to. So go away." Eventually, he gets the feeling he's not wanted, and he tempts you less often. That's been my experience.

PS Don't tell me where to get a dirty massage. I don't want to know, especially if the standard chiropractor DOES give bad massages. I've never been tempted, and I don't want to be."
posted at 14:49:29 on June 29, 2012 by beclean


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"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006