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Thinking of Something Else
By myid
6/28/2012 5:59:12 AM
OK, Todays a new day. I'm starting at the ashes today: We are in a new city (relocating with work) and theres alot of pressure; between the housing situation, my family, money etc. Long story short, things got really stressful yesterday - some things we were counting on fell through, and I turned to internet Pornography. I acted out two times while my family was away from the hotel. My thoughts today in Day 1 is not to dwell on it. I realize I've broken some Laws of Heaven but I also know there are Laws to rescue me from the consequences. I know I'll still experience feel the awkwardness around people, and the periodic flashes of the Porn I viewed along with M (the challenge not to dwell on it). As far as my temple recommend interview this Sunday, I'll definitely struggle with kicking myself for now being worthy; If I reschedule then my wife will know theres an issue. Fear is a consequece I am placing on myself - not part of the Laws set up for overcoming this. So I plan on focusing on the good in this life and building on the good. I know that in sobriety (Just have this morning right now) there are times when the whole world weights down on us. I'll need the skills outlined in the gospel to get through those times. I'll need friends also. As I write here I'll share the things that would be otherwise hid in dark places. I know the Saviour will need to be a bigger part of my everyday.

Comments:

try not to feel Guilty    
"Guilt is a tool that makes you fall again. Sometimes I want to make myself feel guilty, because you feel that it will make you want to get better, Hardly! So keep ur spirits up anduse love to help urself get back up.

I am in almost ur same boat. Our lease end in a month and the owners want to bump up the rent $200! We are so stressed."
posted at 11:21:26 on June 28, 2012 by moronidenovo
"My wife will know theres an issue."    
"She doesn't know?"
posted at 11:42:33 on June 28, 2012 by beclean
Wife    
"You need to tell your wife because you have sinned against her.

Believe me when I say that she will know that something is wrong. There were times when I thought I was crazy for my feelings. Something was not right and I blamed myself. When my husband became 100% accountable for everything, I look back on those times and understand that it was not me, it was him looking at dirty naked images of slutty women while masturbating, and not honoring his covenants to me and to God.

Tell her so that you do not hurt her more than you already have. Tell your Bishop and your wife because that is what God requires to repent. Confess and repent, and accept Christ's grace.

Satan wants you to justify and make excuses. God wants accountability and absolute truth. What you do depends whose side you are on."
posted at 16:14:40 on June 28, 2012 by Anonymous
I dont want to hurt her!    
"Thats the worst part about all this is the damage it does the those around. I've been getting along really good lately with my wife; believe me it has'nt always been that way. Our arguments have lasted weeks before. My wife has been dianosed with some emotianal issues and her downs can be severe for the whole family. I know in the big picture honosty is the key to all this. Your right I do need to tell her, its the right thing to do. I'm going to be prayerful about when and try not to let this drag me down. One concern is our family getting split up; thats a very REAL concern right now. I learned some tools while sober and going to Sexaholics Anonymous that has helped us keep our marriage together. My wife also gets help for her struggles. Ive been advised not to tell her about my slips because is can cause monumental emotional problems. This is why I need to be careful and tell her at the right time."
posted at 06:17:00 on June 29, 2012 by myid
I Dont Want To Hurt Her!!    
"I need to be Honost: I KNOW my use of pornography IS a MONUMENTAL stubbling block in the marriage also. When Ive got over 6 months sobriety we start to really see the Love for each other. So I dont want to fool anybody in thinking shes got the problems (not that it was'nt already clear I'm all screwed up!). As we all now this is a progressive disease; my defenses are weakening on big things like flirting with real women, chat rooms, prostitution. I know that path will destroy our family, emotional issues or not.."
posted at 06:26:26 on June 29, 2012 by myid
hurting her    
"You already are hurting her, even though she doesn't know it yet. You're twisting the knife with every new slip and every day of dishonesty. You are already destroying your marriage, and it's the dishonesty that's doing far, far more damage than the slips.

Being honest with your wife hurts like pulling the knife out. It is definitely painful, but absolutely necessary to begin healing

Of course, it's hard to change and start being honest. So, commit now to take that step as soon as possible. Pray for strength, and get help! Even if you can't yet flee the addiction, you CAN be honest with your spouse about it, and that will go a long way towards freeing you.

Satan knows This and would do anything to keep you dishonest."
posted at 09:46:04 on June 29, 2012 by beclean


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"I need not define your specific problem to help you overcome it. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it violates the commandments of the Lord, it comes from Satan, and the Lord can overcome all of Satan’s influence through your application of righteous principles. Please understand that the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now. Satan wants you to think that it is impossible. That is not true. The Savior gave His life so that you can completely overcome the challenges you face. "

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General Conference May 1990