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By jacqueline
6/26/2012 12:26:35 PM
Are there women here with sexual addictions? I need some support please.

Comments:

hi    
"I'm not a woman, but its good for me to see that the addictions happen to both sides, not just horny guys! I hope you can find some good support here. ;)"
posted at 14:23:38 on June 26, 2012 by asdfjkl1234
You will find support here...    
"I am a man. However, a few months ago, when this site was hopping with lots of activity (it comes and goes), about HALF of the participants were WOMEN with sexual addictions. You are not alone.

Unlike ASDFJKL1234, I am not happy to see that this is a problem for women. I'm not happy that it is a problem for men, either. But, I don't think ASDFJKL1234 meant he was "happy" either."
posted at 19:10:36 on June 26, 2012 by beclean
nope didnt mean it that way    
"It only makes me sad that we all have to struggle with the same problems together. Wish it would all just go away!"
posted at 20:09:20 on June 26, 2012 by asdfjkl1234
Hi    
"I'm the wife of an addict and though I have not labeled myself as one. I have had my own struggle with masturbation and fantasy... mostly before I was married but I still face temptations and am far from perfect. Before learning about the struggles of others, I would have never admitted the issues I have had. I understand to some degree the pain and shame you carry. I'm happy to be a support and though I'm not here every day, I'm here enough to be a friend. I just hope that you can be honest with others in your life and with your bishop. I have learned that it is the secrets that bind us. I wish you well on your journey of healing."
posted at 20:51:01 on June 26, 2012 by dreamer
I was brought to tears ...    
"I have to be honest here - I constantly struggle and just to get some support is amazing; I am so grateful that you have all responded :) I have told only my husband and just a little bit. I want to be done with it. I limit my own progress because I CANNOT talk about it out loud. I honestly do not know if women are affected very much. But I know that many people do not realize that, yes, it does affect women too. We just moved into a new ward and met with our Bishop but at separate times. The law of chastity came up and the Bishop said, "you know, addiction to porn is very real ... do you have any concerns about your husband?" I responded no, which I really do not. But, I wanted to shake that Bishop and say, "women can struggle too!" but I did not - I am just too embarrassed, ashamed.

I have started the addiction recovery manual but only alone. I was curious, does anyone have experiences at the meetings? I want to go, I think I probably should BUT I do not want anyone to know. I understand the whole anonymity thing but my wiser side says, come on - if I am there, then people I know will see me and though they may not know the nature of my problem they will know I DO have a problem though.

ASDFKL1234 - smiles to you, I did not take it that way at all :)

I know there is a process I need to go through ... I have worked on this problem MANY MANY TIMES in the past but mostly alone. Years ago, before I was a member, I went to counseling but the counselor was not very helpful. She told me to "make a list" of all the wrongs from my pov & then tear it up symbolically ... as though that would - poof - fix me. I did not go back.

So, I guess the big question here is, what next? I cannot do huge leaps just yet but I do want to progress and again - be done with it (or at least have steps in place to make me resist more) ... any suggestions?"
posted at 15:17:19 on June 27, 2012 by jacqueline
ive been!    
"My first experience with the addiction recovery meetings was several years ago. I walked into the room and saw one of my classmates from college! I was very surprised and embarrassed like you say you feel. HOWEVER, I felt the spirit better in that meeting than I did in Sunday meetings for a long time. It was awesome. I promise, talking about your addiction, especially outloud helps alot.

It also really helps to get in the same room as people in your same situation. Don't be embarrassed. Everybody is in the same boat or else they wouldn't be there. The spirit is usually very strong there."
posted at 15:38:23 on June 27, 2012 by asdfjkl1234
Try a meeting!    
"They are great and very necessary. The only way to overcome this addiction is to take it out of the dark and bring it into the light.

If anyone you know sees you at the meeting, they will know that you have a problem, but you will know the same thing about them. You will be kind to them, and they will be kind to you. You would never dream of sharing their secret with anyone else, and they would never dream of sharing yours.

I have seen many women at addiction meetings, and I have absolutely no idea why they are there. All I know is that they are a child of god looking to repent. I am very hopeful and prayerful for them. I know only that they are humble enough to seek help from the lord and from others without fearing what other people think."
posted at 21:43:41 on June 27, 2012 by beclean
welcome    
"I understand the shame and feeling like you can't tell the bishop. I hope you do though. It was hard for me and I know it will be hard for you but the peace that comes is so very worth it. I have attended meetings that have been very helpful and the spirit was there. I moved to a new area and have not been to one since though I could use the support.

I have been to meetings with women present and there was no judgement and everything was very respectful. I'm glad you are here to discuss these things together. I hope you find the support you need. CTR"
posted at 00:22:22 on June 28, 2012 by cactus
Welcome    
"I know you are looking for someone who can relate apples to apples with your addiction, but I just wanted to throw in my "welcome" too even though I don't have the same kind of addiction. I am a codependent. But I think that regardless of the types of problems we have, the solution is always the same...so I hope we can help each other. :)"
posted at 13:54:26 on June 30, 2012 by maddy
Anon please take your email down    
"You are borrowing trouble when you are posting an email with your name on this or any post. You do not know this person and are breaking a known safety rule in cyberspace. Never let anyone from the internet contact you in real life.

You are 16-17 and a sex addicted girl. Lots of addicts are on here too and it is very unsafe for you to post a real email.

There are people on this blog who care about you, so please be smart and safe."
posted at 07:18:57 on July 1, 2012 by Anonymous
Thanks    
"It wasn't my real name.But thanks for caring-i took it down

Jacqueline, I'm also a woman sex addict. I'm a lot younger then you, only 16 but I have struggled with this for many years. At this point I'm the only one who is on here on a regular basis and I'm starting to not be as much.
Welcome. I'm glad you are here."
posted at 09:37:48 on July 1, 2012 by anon16
No respector of persons...age, gender etc.    
"The one thing we see more and more is that this addiction (sexual) knows no boundaries. It is affecting young and old, male and female without discrimination. While we may act out differently and have different triggers, I believe that we still struggle with the same core issues beneath the surface. There are some great resources out there for both members and non-members. I highly recommend a support group where you can go and share openly with like-minded sisters. As addicts we believe that we are the only one we know who suffers with these problems...I would say , above all work toward 100% transparency with your spouse. Nothing kills a relationship more that a sexual addiction. He cannot take the role of accountability partner, but that of loving cheerleader who can love you unconditionally, even when you slip. When you reveal to your spouse, just know that he will need time to process and possibly grieve for what has been lost....This is not the end of the road, but a great opportunity to grasp ahold of everything we believe the atonement was designed to help. My addiction nearly ruined my marriage of 27 years. A spouse can heal....YOU can heal. Attend meetings, work the steps. Be willing to change. Be transparent. You are only as sick as your secrets. Good luck Sister J."
posted at 13:05:18 on July 1, 2012 by chefdalet
TRY    
"Heart t heart is an 12 step LDS fellowship for recovering also. I'm new to that one so I'm excited. The spirt was so strong in one of the online meetings! These are all stepping stones; I cant do this on my own and I need multiple resources to help me."
posted at 07:24:11 on July 2, 2012 by Anonymous
Update    
"CACTUS - I did not go to any meetings or talk to the Bishop BUT also no overwhelming urges either; keeping it under control for the moment.

Anon16 - I was a little younger than you when it first started. Can you pinpoint why it is the way it is? I have thought about it a lot but I cannot remember the one thing that made me this way. Or are we born this way? It bothers me because I kind of feel like if I knew or could retrace, then I could work on the heart of it ... do you know what I mean?

Maddy - thanks for the welcome, I guess it does help to be able to share with someone that has the very same problem. The more I get into the AR Program though, the more I realize that I really have an addictive personality. So with that being said, all support is welcome.

ASDFKL1234 & BECLEAN - thank you for sharing your meeting experiences. I just cannot seem to go - I am so worried about what people will think. I am not prominent in the church but I am very, very active so a lot of people know me or know of me. I do not feel like I would be invisible at all. And that is what I want/need. Hopefully, in time.

Chefdalet - thanks you for your heartfelt advice.

Anonymous - do you have a link for the Heart t Heart online meetings?

You are all very nice and supportive. As I post, I do not know if I am doing it correctly or if I should start a new discussion. The whole social media thing confuses me a little bit. But, I want you all to know I am reading what you say, it is helping to know there are others out there and that I am not alone. Last week, when I saw some of the responses, I did not want to respond right away; not because I was angry or because anything anyone said. Rather, I guess I have been dealing with this on my own for so long - it is weird to have complete strangers care, let alone to disclose that I have a problem to them. The whole process is very bewildering. Thank you all."
posted at 13:31:36 on July 2, 2012 by jacqueline
You can try meetings outside of the church like SAA or SA    
"I felt like I couldn't go to an LDS ARP or PSAG meeting. Everyone would know me. I chose to attend SAA. I have tried LDS PSAG meetings but prefer SAA.

I guess eventually everyone needs to figure decide what they are willing to do to get over the addiction"
posted at 12:27:50 on July 5, 2012 by Anonymous
Thanks Anonymous for the suggestion    
"I actually found some online meetings and think that is where I will start"
posted at 08:11:25 on July 6, 2012 by jacqueline
Hey--I'm a woman :)    
"Yes, I am a woman with a sexual addiction. I thought I was the only one. I'm going to try to go to a SLAA meeting for the first time tonight.

Hang in there, Jacqueline. There's hope!"
posted at 13:55:29 on July 8, 2012 by Girlie
Girlie ...    
"Let me know how it goes"
posted at 11:48:54 on July 12, 2012 by jacqueline
SA vs SAA    
"You might find that SA is better in line with the LDS beliefs. In SAA, you define your own sobriety definition. Of course, if you define it in line with your convictions, then you should be OK there too. :) I participate in SA fellowship as well as LDS ARP. SA is wonderful. I also know some people from my SA fellowship that participate in SAA too, and they like it too, but they happen to like SA the best out of the two. Best to you in your recovery."
posted at 09:43:55 on July 23, 2012 by Anonymous
This is a good resource for women struggling ..    
"bythelightofgrace.blogspot.com"
posted at 12:29:50 on July 23, 2012 by Anonymous
Bless your heart    
"Good luck in your recovery process. It has been so hard, but I can't tell you how incredibly worth it it has been.
I would definitely recommend counseling as well. Look to see if your area has a Lifestar program.
The book "He Restoreth My Soul" is amazing and I believe needs to be a must read for every LDS person, man and woman.
It hurts, but in a true, honest, atoning way. We will pray for you."
posted at 00:52:07 on August 1, 2012 by WHATTODO2


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"One of the false notions of our society is that we are victims of our appetites and passions. But the truth is that the body is controlled by the spirit which inhabits it."

— Terrance D. Olson

“Teaching Morality to Your Children,” Ensign, Mar. 1981