its 2:07 am - just starting on this path
By myid
6/8/2012 2:25:46 AM
2 Nephi 26:10 — And when these things have passed away a speedy destruction cometh unto my people; for, notwithstanding the pains of my soul, I have seen it; wherefore, I know that it shall come to pass; and they sell themselves for naught; for, for the reward of their pride and their foolishness they shall reap destruction; for because they yield unto the devil and choose works of darkness rather than light, therefore they must go down to hell.
Its 2:07 am and this is my first blog. I just acted out using the internet and ending with mb. After I act out I often feel like my eyes are opened and I think "you did it again - we have a hard road ahead because of this dumb choice!" I'll feel bad for falling for it again and then act out again to numb the pain! luckily, this time, I searched "Sexual recovery blogs" instead. Additional sign of needing help: I recently went to a pornographic preview booth to act out just because I didnt want to waste time riding the lust roller coaster all day long and then end up mb in the end anyway; I went and got it out of my system; this just put me in the dumps the rest of the day! I know this is all insanity. I can avoid this misery altogether; Ive done it before! Well here I am now humbled that I can write honostly and full of pride for how I'm writing honestly!?! I'll check back when I have a few more days of sobriety; Maybe even minutes would help? I love you all already. thanks for this resourse LDS addiction Recovery!!!


so what is your plan? what are you willing to give up?    
"Impossible to fix on your own. What are willing to do?"
posted at 07:08:34 on June 8, 2012 by Anonymous
Advice, if you want it.    
"The number one reason I think people stay in the cycle of pornography and masturbation addicition is because they think that is an issue that can be resolved by themselves. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN FIX YOURSELF. You need the Lord."
posted at 17:32:51 on June 8, 2012 by Disciple04
Find a meeting    
"Community - is an important aspect of recovery. Start attending. Don't be afraid of sharing your junk and working the steps. There are guys here ...most who have been exactly where you are right now. Many of us now have years of porn and no MB. It's possible to be stronger and healthier than you have ever been. If you have a spouse or loved one...start working toward transparency. You can do this."
posted at 20:26:30 on June 11, 2012 by chefdalet
What is meant by "You need the Lord"?    
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Disciple04, but did you mean, "You need the Lord, his servants, a support network, and other people?"

These addictions thrive in darkness and secrecy. They die over time when we reveal them to our bishops, our parents, our spouses, our recovery group, and even other people."
posted at 14:15:02 on June 12, 2012 by beclean
Going to a meeting would help    
"Im sitting on the fence about going to meetings. I attended SA meetings in Houston/Sugar Land and had a great fellowship with those guys. Being open and honest was very healing. However I was torn because of my calling in the young mens presidency. The feeling of living a double life was tearing me up. Slipping up and acting out in private and then standing in a leadership role to 14 - 16 year olds was ALSO TEARING me up! Im living in hotels now with my family because we are relocating and I think I'll be more open not just about my past (Ive also been open and honest about this with Bishops) but about my capabilities. Its a great great honor to serve the young men in a ward (in my case something that gave me a little dose of pride) but I've learned the demand on me stretches me too thin. Luckily Ive been sober now for 20 days - this forum is helping me; an outlet for checking in; for now this is my meeting place."
posted at 09:58:21 on June 22, 2012 by myid

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"Now brethren, the time has come for any one of us who is so involved to pull himself out of the mire, to stand above this evil thing, to “look to God and live” (Alma 37:47). We do not have to view salacious magazines. We do not have to read books laden with smut. We do not have to watch television that is beneath wholesome standards. We do not have to rent movies that depict that which is filthy. We do not have to sit at the computer and play with ographic material found on the Internet."

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004