Another update
6/2/2012 2:57:25 PM
It has been just over two months since I told my wife and Bishop everything. I have been completely "sober" since the end of December 2011. I have been meeting with my Bishop regularly and will continue to. I have been meeting with a professional counselor regularly as well and reading a fair amount of material on the addiction and recovery. Currently I am reading "The Drug of the New Millenium". It is very good. If you haven't read it, you should.

My counselor just introduced the concept of "dailies" to me. Which have been good.

My wife and I have been diligently praying and studying our scriptures together everyday.

My Bishop didn't release me from my calling and that has been a blessing. I get to teach Sunday school every so often and I feel the spirit so much more now that before. I really do feel it everyday, which is such a big difference from where I was at a year ago.

Temptations still arise, thoughts and haunting memories pop into my head, but I try to say a prayer and ask for strength or come back to this website and read a couple entries to help me stay focused on what is really important, which is making my family eternal again and getting back to the temple.

It isn't easy. I knew it wouldn't be. It is a serious adjustment for me and still very hard for my wife at times and I know it will continue to be for years down the road.

Just as thoughts pop into my head, thoughts about my confession pop into hers and it is hard for her to get those thoughts out sometimes.
This does make it hard because on days when I have had really good days, she has had terrible days and is frustrated and angry at me for what I did before.

I don't blame her. Like I said I am just grateful she is still with me. I take full responsibility for what I did. I wish so bad that I could take those things back.

I love her so much. I am so grateful for her kindness and her love and support.
I can't control what she thinks about or how angry she gets at me. It hurts. But I can control, with God's help, what I continue to do in my recovery and the progress I make. The pain is still very fresh, for both of us. I pray God will continue to heal our hearts and protect our little family.


Keep up the good work.    
"Thanks for sharing."
posted at 19:53:05 on June 2, 2012 by BeClean
"Sounds like you are really doing great. Keep being patient with your wife. My husband and I talked about how it often seems that it takes the loved one longer to heal from an addicts behaviors than it does the addict themselves. You are recognizing that she needs to feel what she feels. Good for you!"
posted at 07:07:53 on June 4, 2012 by maddy

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" Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it appears that the person is unforgivable? Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern? Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can't forgive himself?The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means—total, complete, all, forever. "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006