Time Flies
By They Speak
5/30/2012 2:50:07 AM
It's been nearly a year I think since I last posted and almost exactly 2 years since I first posted. It's funny how much I used to rely on this blog to occupy my time and work out my thoughts. I had so much to say. And then one day it was like the well went dry. I'd said it all.

I wish I could say all is well in Israel...but it's not. So much has happened. Ups. Downs. All arounds. Recovery still evades me. It's like shackling the wind.

Anyway, just acted out. Feeling like a bucket a dumps and thought of how I used to come here all the time at times like this. Read about how recovery at its worst is better than addiction (didn't realize that text was from you John - thanks) at it's best. Don't know from experience but have always assumed it's true. Got me thinking "well damn Code, maybe you should take another stab at it. Couldn't hurt."

I think I've made big and small steps in the right direction here and there but just never put um all together at once. Like doing 90 n 90 but gettin pissed drunk every 3rd day. Or not drinking but lying to my wife about pornography. Or being honest but resentful. Or eating right but not exercising or reading. Or praying but always listening to loud music instead of listening. Whatever the case. Just never banging on all of um. Just didn't have the results I think it could have.

Anyhow, been thinking of trying another 90 n 90. Only this time staying all the way sober and working the program. I'll let ya know how it goes.


Change the tire and keep going    
"I remember a great comment someone made at ARP a while ago. He said that a relapse was like having a flat tire on a long road trip. He said you can sit there with your car on the side of the road forever or you can put on the spare and keep going. Often with relapses we choose to sit on the side of the road for a variety of reasons but none of them help us.

Welcome back TheySpeak....line upon line I guess is all any of us have. Just keep going..."
posted at 06:44:30 on May 30, 2012 by maddy
"I don't comment much on here anymore. But I just wanted to say I'm rooting for ya... :)

I always love your posts. You're real...I like that!! "
posted at 19:32:58 on May 31, 2012 by summer
"Glad to hear you are still alive! Do not come here much myself. Hope and prayers to you. Good to hear from you.
posted at 02:38:17 on June 3, 2012 by Anonymous

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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball