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Time Flies
By They Speak
5/30/2012 2:50:07 AM
It's been nearly a year I think since I last posted and almost exactly 2 years since I first posted. It's funny how much I used to rely on this blog to occupy my time and work out my thoughts. I had so much to say. And then one day it was like the well went dry. I'd said it all.

I wish I could say all is well in Israel...but it's not. So much has happened. Ups. Downs. All arounds. Recovery still evades me. It's like shackling the wind.

Anyway, just acted out. Feeling like a bucket a dumps and thought of how I used to come here all the time at times like this. Read about how recovery at its worst is better than addiction (didn't realize that text was from you John - thanks) at it's best. Don't know from experience but have always assumed it's true. Got me thinking "well damn Code, maybe you should take another stab at it. Couldn't hurt."

I think I've made big and small steps in the right direction here and there but just never put um all together at once. Like doing 90 n 90 but gettin pissed drunk every 3rd day. Or not drinking but lying to my wife about pornography. Or being honest but resentful. Or eating right but not exercising or reading. Or praying but always listening to loud music instead of listening. Whatever the case. Just never banging on all of um. Just didn't have the results I think it could have.

Anyhow, been thinking of trying another 90 n 90. Only this time staying all the way sober and working the program. I'll let ya know how it goes.

Comments:

Change the tire and keep going    
"I remember a great comment someone made at ARP a while ago. He said that a relapse was like having a flat tire on a long road trip. He said you can sit there with your car on the side of the road forever or you can put on the spare and keep going. Often with relapses we choose to sit on the side of the road for a variety of reasons but none of them help us.

Welcome back TheySpeak....line upon line I guess is all any of us have. Just keep going..."
posted at 06:44:30 on May 30, 2012 by maddy
Hey    
"I don't comment much on here anymore. But I just wanted to say I'm rooting for ya... :)

I always love your posts. You're real...I like that!! "
posted at 19:32:58 on May 31, 2012 by summer
Speak!    
"Glad to hear you are still alive! Do not come here much myself. Hope and prayers to you. Good to hear from you.
Hero"
posted at 02:38:17 on June 3, 2012 by Anonymous


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" Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it appears that the person is unforgivable? Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern? Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can't forgive himself?The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means—total, complete, all, forever. "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006