Pain Magnified
By John07
5/25/2012 11:50:41 PM
Always, always she said that once we got to the new city we could work on things. Well, now she has decided that she just can't. She has not even tried. She says now that she needs a divorce in order to heal. I have just kept plugging along and hoping. I don't know what the plan is. I don't know where to go. I was finally honest with her, but I guess it was too late. I have never felt so worthless and unlovable as I do right now. I know I will go on because my kids need me, but hope is in serious short supply. My heart is crushed to pieces. My knowing my part in this just makes it worse. I have to let it out. Maybe I needed this to become more humble, I don't know. I wish I could see a glimmer of his plan because right now dark clouds are all around and I don't see any light. I am just a little, tiny ship adrift on a sea of pain. Oh where, oh where is my lighthouse. I am lost and just cannot see my way. I just want the divorce to be over with. I really don't want a long drawn out fight over things that I just don't care about any more. I hate this addiction and what I allowed it to do to me and what I allowed myself to do that has led to my current situation. I hate it, I hate it. I HATE IT!!!!!


I understand    
"You can't blame yourself for her choices. But you are accountable for yours. It's good though that you've recognized your faults and are working to repent. Repentance is a process and healing takes time. The road ahead is hard but worth it. I used to beat myself up over my divorce. My ex wife bonded with another woman. And it still continues today. It used to hurt to have the kids show the other woman love and affection and to feel like I was replaced. I used to blame myself for not being available emotionally. I thought I drove her to search elsewhere for emotional intimacy. I know I had a part in it but I no longer feel guilt. I didn't make her choose those things. So I hope you won't blame yourself either. You contributed but she ultimately made the choice. It might have happened without you but you don't know that. After trying as hard as I could to save the marriage the Spirit directed me to divorce and I felt peace. The road has not been easy. It is still filled with heartache and pain. But I'm closer to the Lord than ever. I'm on the right path. You are too!!! You work on yourself now. Let the cards fall where they may."
posted at 03:35:31 on May 26, 2012 by Anonymous
I am so sorry    
"John - I am so sorry.

Your lighthouse is there. The fog may be thick but He is there.

I don't know why these things happen when we've given all we can, but I do believe that there is a plan, even if we don't see it. For me, I think that God made a way for me to be so torn down by everything that was happening that I had nowhere to turn but Him....and I am so stubborn that was what it took for me to really find Him.

I am so sorry because your blog just emanates the hurt you are going through. I wish things would get better for you sooner rather than later, but I do know that they can get better. And I know they can get so good that every wound can be healed, including the ones that you don't know are even there right n ow. Have hope. Sometimes it is all we have, so embrace it. The Savior meant what he said about healing us.

Hang in there."
posted at 16:28:29 on May 27, 2012 by maddy
free agency hurts sometimes    
"I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. You can only fix you, (with the Saviors help) and keep praying for her. I am confident that the Lord will make up whatever difference, with you doing everything in your realm of influence, to make everything work out for you and your children. You should have some consolation knowing that you are still trying, you have not given up, you are on the right track, and most of all , the Lord is on your side.

I will be praying for you"
posted at 14:50:09 on May 28, 2012 by harveyf

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"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990