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Today I rejoice
By John07
5/6/2012 1:56:03 AM
Today I rejoice in my Savior and his Strength. Today I am 180 days without acting out. Before this the longest time I ever had was the 60 days that I was in boot camp, and I really don't count that as it was outside influence that prevented me from acting out. I am afraid of success and confidence and pride. I do not want to have a slip. I will have to keep up with what works. Prayer, vigilance, and scripture study. I am sad every day that my wife and I are apart. I am sad for me, and for my kids. I do what I can and realize the best thing I can do for my kids is to be the best Dad I can possibly be and draw as close as I can to my Savior. A really appreciate the people on this blog. Ether, Maddy, Angelmom, FatherofOne, Beclean and many more. I get inspiration and strength and guidance and I feel the love here while I am between meetings with my Step Brothers. I know I am not free of this addiction, and I may never be in this life, but I can live with this addiction. These last 6 months have been the most stressful of my life. Trying to be both the provider and nuturer. I am not great doing both of these roles at the same time. This experience has taught me to really appreciate all the things my wife used to do. I am really looking forward to her resuming these duties, I just have to make the next 7 weeks before she can pick up again. I long for the pain that my children are experiencing to end. I know I am responsible for their pain, but I know that I do not shoulder the whole responsibility. I shoulder it all for now until my wife is ready to take up her share. She needs more healing, and I pray every day that she can find the path to her healing. I guess I just needed to get this all out. Writing this out helps me find the peace that I am seeking. I guess I need to look back to 6 months ago to remember the pain and anguish that I was experiencing and to see how much further along that I am now. I will always mourn all the lost opportunities that I missed with all my children and with my wife. I cannot change the past, I know that. I only pray and hope I will be able to make it up to them in the future. No burden is too great for me to bear for my children and wife, and my trust in the Savior. I still long for the days when I will not feel like a second class member. I know that is not the truth, but I still feel that way. I take my kids to church and I really enjoy what I learn there. I take them to the activities because they deserve to go, but I do not feel like I should be there. Its funny, all the years when I was fully immersed in my addiction I did not feel this way, and now that I have faced my addiction, I feel this way. I hope with the help of the Savior I can get past this feeling. Well, this is all I have for now. Take care all.

Comments:

Someday....    
"Thank you for posting this. It helps to know that there is somebody out there that is winning the battle and overcoming their trials. I've now come to realize that I may never be completely over this addiction. But with enough work and faith I can definitely win every time it tries to take over. I am currently on day 1.... Woo..... But with work, prayer, scriptures(my greatest weakness) and accountability(another big weakness) I will overcome this and win! I'm glad that you've realized all these things as well and are so far in the recovery!

Stay strong!"
posted at 03:39:53 on May 6, 2012 by jja1234
hope    
"Thank you for sharing your success and love for our Savior. You give each of us hope to continue fighting the fight. I to rejoice in your success, my success and love our Savior has for each one of us."
posted at 15:49:50 on May 6, 2012 by rachp
Nice    
"woooooooooooooooooo! Man, that was a breath of fresh air, lemme' tell you! 180 days??? That'scrazy, I'm clean today, but dang, now I know i can be clean forever, through my saviour Jesus, and his strength! Thankyou for that testimony :)"
posted at 19:17:26 on May 8, 2012 by regal777
That's great    
"I am so happy for you. I just hit 90 days today and feel like you were spot on talking about the fervent prayer and study. Keep it up."
posted at 23:51:49 on May 8, 2012 by ether 12:27
congrats!    
"day 180 is such a milestone. I remember when I could go no more than a day or two if I was really trying , and not in a middle of a binge. You should volunteer to be a facilitator, not only to serve in your group now, but when you leave you can tell the Bishop where you move too, that you are willing to serve, especially if they are no groups in your new place or are short on staff for meetings. Facilitators are the most important people in a meeting, missionarys are a dime a dozen. In a few months you might consider being a missionary for the program, recovering addicts make the best missionaries, in my opinion. This ia a calling you ask for, unlike other callings in the church. I love our missionaries and for the servicce they do, I just mean that someone who has gone thru the program can relate and share better than a non addict. I wanted to explain my dime a dozen remark, I know they are missionaries on this site, I are one too.

contrats again John07"
posted at 11:52:45 on May 12, 2012 by harveyf
HarveyF    
"There are some big shoes to fill, I don't know If I could do it justice. I am still an addict. I think I need more time before I am ready to fill those large shoes."
posted at 17:36:11 on May 13, 2012 by John07
6 months is such a milestone    
"We are only in competition with ourselves and no one else, but if there was a survey done here on this site and in our groups I think you would find someone with 6 months of total sobriety in the upper10 percent. A living example of recovery is worth a 1000 missionaries called to the program to serve. Very few people could do what you could do, and that is to bear testimony that the program (atonement) really works. I am still an addict and they seem to want me to still serve.
A calling for a facillitator and a missionary is given by your bishop, he is the judge in Isreal, sometimes we are not qualified to judge ourselves in perspective. Make no mistake these are callings you volunteer for, I have seen very few callings come from them without us asking them if we can serve in this capacity.
Even if you are not ready now keep the callings in mind for the future. I have seen great people go thru the steps and lack only step 12, they leave the program and later come back, when possiably if they continiured to serve helping others they may not have fallen. Of course who knows?"
posted at 17:28:20 on May 14, 2012 by harveyf
Can I Get a Whoop-Whoop?!    
"Seriously, reading this is exactly what I needed tonight. Keep strong, John! Remember that once you've repented, the Lordhas forgiven you. Don't ever feel like a second-rate member, we all know who that mindset comes from. The Lord would have you do great things, and you could bless a ton of people in His service. Keep it up!"
posted at 00:51:32 on May 15, 2012 by Anonymous
Can I Get a Whoop-Whoop?!    
"Seriously, reading this is exactly what I needed tonight. Keep strong, John! Remember that once you've repented, the Lordhas forgiven you. Don't ever feel like a second-rate member, we all know who that mindset comes from. The Lord would have you do great things, and you could bless a ton of people in His service. Keep it up!"
posted at 00:51:43 on May 15, 2012 by Fatherofone
I rejoice with you    
"Thank you it is just great,
keep doing strong"
posted at 01:17:14 on May 15, 2012 by mike81


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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004