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Day 4
By anon16
4/22/2012 8:58:03 PM
That, in itself is an accomplishment right now. My alternative? Cutting. It has helped distract me, get me through it. I've only done 8 cuts, all shallow, superficial. But, the sting makes me focus elsewhere - its something I can control.

On one hand, I know know its wrong, that it could become another addiction. A lot of me doubts that, because frankly I hate it - but almost anything is better then falling into the other hole.

The other part says, hey, I'm on day 4. Pretty solid compared to where I was. I can get through this, I'm being careful,I'm too much of a wimp to cut very deep - I cringe when I do.

I'm working at not letting it become an attention getter, I don,t want that. My reasons are its healthier then mb.

Comments:

repluy    
"I sense you are struggling, but replacing one way of dealing with your stress cutting vs. mb is not the best way to go. You are damaging your physical body and soul.

Reach out to someone who understands. Reach out to our HF who loves you and does not want you to hurt inside or out.

I pray tomorrow is a better day for you."
posted at 22:04:20 on April 22, 2012 by Anonymous
MB worse than cutting?    
"No, I believe that is a lie. I don't think you will find anyone other than satan who would tell you that. Relatively few people cut themselves on purpose. Almost everyone masturbates at some point. It is not holy or good, but it can be considered normal and natural. (The natural man is an enemy to god.) We need to put off those desires and keep our urges in check. But the way that you are worrying about these normal urges is causing you to do very unhealthy things.

You are not a bad person because of your addictions. You are a very good girl. Satan makes you think that you are terrible. He is lying. He is lying!

Anon, I forget, are you seeing a professional counselor?"
posted at 22:14:11 on April 22, 2012 by beclean
No, I'm not    
"No, I am not. I did for several months, but it didn't help. When I told my bishop that I was also struggling with cutting, he was concerned and brought that up. I said no. I'm not willing to do that- put myself out there like that.

I honestly don't know what to do right now. I was able to make it through a day without any of my behaviors, but that was mostly because of my being out. I was helping a sister in my ward with her 5 year old and painting stuff. The 5 yr old had me read him a story, and he climbed on my lap. Thankfully I wasn't triggered, but it was very tense for me.

I know its a replacement. I hate that. But, its not as serious as mb in the sense that I don't have to talk to my Bishop. Don't have church discipline. I asked my bishop and he told me that.

A lot of me just really wants to give up, period. My Bishop said, as we were discussing prayer, "People should get up and thank Him for being alive. We should be grateful for that." I told him, "I'm not. I want to be dead." It's true. I do. I don't see a lot of point in living if I'm going to fail every day in some form."
posted at 07:29:36 on April 26, 2012 by anon16
From my phone    
"There are 2 extremes with regards to masturbation and pornography. 1 is thinking that it is no big deal, and everybody does it. The other is thinking that it is the worst thing in the world, and that you're not worthy to live if you are involved in it.

Both extremes are completely wrong, but I truly believe that the second 1 is more serious. In the miracle of forgiveness, president kimball does not hardly address masturbation and pornography. He only briefly mentioned them as destructive habits that lead to more serious ends.

Anon, I think you need to relax a little. The fact that you struggle with masturbation and pornography does not make you a bad person, and is not the worst thing in the world. True, it is not a good habit, and it can lead to other things. But your attitude of wanting to overcome, and your faith in christ will lead you to overcome these habits. But it will take some time, so you need to have some patience with yourself.

Many of us have been fighting these problems since w. e were 12 or 13, and now we ar 30 or 40. You don't have to overcome this in 1 day or 1 week or 1 month for 1 year. But you will overcome, if you just keep getting back up and keep drawing closer to christ. He will take you away from this sin in his own time.

I am in my thirties, but I have had almost 10 wonderful years where I have been constantly progressing, to the point that I now believe that I am free from my addiction. You will be free some day too, you have started this journey earlier than some of us, and you are more serious than many of us. I have no doubt the lord will free you, and you will be clean, if you continue to stand back up on your feet, and put your faith in christ.

Right now, you are putting your faith in yourself. You think you should be able to overcome this in a day. You cant! You get so angry and frustrated because you are unable to overcome. That is putting your faith in yourself.

Putting your faith in christ mean knowing that he will overcome this and he will do it in his time and all you need to do is try to serve him and ignore the sin. Stop worrying about it, stop obsessing about it. Just do your best to serve god and to serve other people. Remember that you are not perfect, it is okay that you slip up every once in awhile. You are not a bad person because you sin, everyone in this entire world sins.

So, in summary, I think you need to relax, my dear 1. You need to know it is okay that you sin. You need to know that you are loved. You need to know that you cannot overcome this temptation, so don't worry about the fact that you have not overcome it yet. It is not your job to overcome this temptation. It is jesus's job to overcome this temptation for you. And he will eventually overcome this temptation for you, if you just turn your life over to him and let him do it in his own time.

With love"
posted at 09:04:29 on April 26, 2012 by beclean


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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987