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I went to see the bishop
By Josh A
4/15/2012 9:46:31 PM
I have been lying to myself for a long time. I went to the bishop believing that my problem isn't "that" bad. I had a surprise. I have a new bishop in an new area. He laid it all on the line. I felt very foolish. There is no way to rationalize it. The sin of looking at a women in risque clothing or nude is a huge sin.
From one I have taken today. The sin is one of chastity. There is no two ways about it. We are empowered to pro-create, we are gifted only to create a child and it is Heavenly Father's power he gives us. This power is to be used only within the bonds of marriage. It means that I am only to cleave after to enjoy my wife only. This is what it means. When I have looked at an pg13-xrated picture video etc. I am abusing power I am driving away the spirit. I am sinning.
Here is the further work into this. As a homework assignment I have been assigned to write about all those I have hurt in the process.
Assignment #1- Who have I hurt. The different layers
Assignment #2- How do I make up for the hurts
Assignment #3- The why I need to repent

I will also work to put up safety measures.

Since I accessed a bad video on my phone. I will put down my phone, no internet when my wife puts hers down.

I will be in the open with my computer always.

I will blog once weekly.


Assignment #1- Part 1: areas to uncover the harm- Husband, Father, Priesthood holder, Counselor, teacher, my relationship with Jesus, my relationship with my heavenly father. I even believe that I may have set my relationships at work astray as result of this, I think this will take me more exploring but the bottom line is if I am capable of shining brightly and walking in the path of Jesus Christ and I sin on a weekly monthly however often basis I have messed up and there is consequences.

I feel awful I feel humbled. I know that this is a battle that I will not win, I am completely powerless. This is the area of my life I have kept so secret for so long. I have partaken here a little and there a little believing that I could justify as I would paritiallly repent and continue working towards the Lord. This is no different then one of my patients who say that they want to get clean from drugs but want have an occasional drink.


I am a husband and I have sinned against my wife on a spiritual, emotional, physical level. I have not been sensitive to my wife, and I know this fight will help us draw closer

Comments:

And of Course the related quote that always ties it together    
""Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"
— David O. McKay

I have realized that I am powerless and I might be successful stringing together one two or more weeks maybe even months. I have not cut out the disease until I have truly made a committment.

Here we go again. I have given up drinking, smoking, now it's time to give up pornography!

One day at a time. One hour at a time, one decision at a time as it relates to happiness that is promised or destruction that is sure."
posted at 21:49:06 on April 15, 2012 by Josh A
I completely get what you mean    
"It doesn't seem like a big deal at first. a while a go my attitude was "whatever" to everything. But i never realized how much if my faith i sacrificed for nothing, something that literally did nothing for my life. It degraded my spirit and testimony.

I have a question for you. I believe my dad is looking at porn. At the least, 3 years, maybe longer. I found out because i saw his history. What should i do?"
posted at 23:57:04 on April 15, 2012 by moronidenovo
@Moronidenovo    
"I have not a clue. I don't find it very easy to give my dad advice. I would suppose it is like fast forwarding 12 years an having my oldest say something to me. I am glad to be moving away from that confrontation. I suppose because it is a very individual relationship praying and getting guidance from the spirit and including your bishop to see what his perspective is would be the first move."
posted at 19:48:39 on May 6, 2012 by Josh A
I have enjoyed a change of heart    
"When I was talking to the bishop over 3 weeks ago I asked if I would ever see this sin that enters through the eyes as detestful as the others. He seemed surprised. Now looking back I might understand. I think i had rationalized it so well it was grey area. This is falsehood. I had thought I could partake here and there. This kept me feeling forever unworthy.
The most interesting timing is that my bishop was released the next week. As much as I never would have wanted such a strong harsh perspective, I needed badly to see myself in my own carnal state. I would not have gotten that from a brand new bishop I don't think. I had never recieved a call to gethsemane so strongly when I had gone in for similar issues in the past. I love the Lord and the way he knows what we need.

I have also been reading an incredible book written by an LDS sister, my wife and I have enjoyed it together on our kindle the timing again was when my wife has been unhealthy and now post surgery. I could feel my heart soften through seeing life through the perspective of a sister who had become gravely disabled. The husband was such a great example of love and care as well. Now one week and two days out from my wife's surgery, I am running to the store on the Sabbath to get my wife something she is too embarassed to buy at the grocery store and I feel honored to help her. The book could not have come at a better time.

I am still early on in recovery but I feel for the very first time I know what is sinful to view and what is not."
posted at 19:58:27 on May 6, 2012 by Josh A


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"Now, my brothers and sisters, let not Jesus’ redemption for us stop at the immortalizing dimension of the Atonement, “the loosing of the bands of death”. Let us grasp the proffered gift of eternal life! We will end up either choosing Christ’s manner of living or His manner of suffering! It is either “suffer even as I”, or overcome “even as [He] … overcame”. His beckoning command is to become “even as I am”. The spiritually settled accept that invitation, and “through the atonement of Christ,” they become and overcome! "

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987