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Once was here... back again
By stoptheabuse
4/7/2012 2:21:28 AM
A while ago I was on here as a wife of a loved one that struggled with a porn addiction. Life was so crazy and there was so many issues. I didn't think that I could take anymore. After years of giving every single thing that I could to help my spouse- I asked him to move out. I thought maybe it would be enough to have him change. This was not our first and only time of separating. Three months after he moved out I had a HUGE bomb dropped on me.

A child in my family disclosed that there had been abuse by my husband. I went through all the emotions. Total denial. Hate, frustration, sadness, depression, feeling crazy, and so many more. More children came forward. Not enough to have charges pressed... yet.

I entered a new world - a world I thought was "movie" material. I watch other parents, mostly moms, battle with the system. And each and everyone say it started with a porn addiction.

As a wife- no one gave me a list of ways to handle the discovery of a porn addiction. I look back and think of how wrong I handled it. But with what I now know I realize that until the addict can say there is a problem, there is only so much you can do.

Even though I am no longer in the situation- emotional baggage is still a part of daily life.

Comments:

My own story    
"My father was a pornography addict and it turned into sexual abuse to his children. He still is in denial about what he did. He can't even see that it was wrong or has completely made up a false reality about his life.

It is a harsh truth for sexual addicts to be told where this road can lead them if they do not stop. My father was married in the temple. He has a PhD. He is not the type of man you would see as a sexual addict or abuser. But he is. No one can underestimate that power that pornography use has over your soul and conscience. It can make you do things unimaginable.

Let me add this, I am so proud of your children and the other children for coming forward and speaking out. It is so painful. I am in my 30's and just barely started talking about it last year. Your children are truly courageous. I don't know what kind of evidence you need but a simple call to the right authorities should start an investigation. Please consider doing that if you haven't.

My prayers are out to all of you!"
posted at 08:34:44 on April 18, 2012 by maddy
Not enough to have charges pressed yet?    
"Any sexual abuse needs to be reported, especially when children are involved. Not reporting sends a dangerous message to the child. It invalidates them and their courage to be honest. Report it and let the chips fall."
posted at 13:11:52 on April 18, 2012 by Anonymous
"All Started With Porn"    
"Hi, I want to thank you for sharing this difficult part of your life with others. I am a man caught in the trap. I have always believed that it started with porn, but as I read that in your story, I had a feeling that it wasn't porn that started it all. It feels like porn is the gas I've poured onto the fire of insecurity, loneliness, low self esteem, fear, etc. I really wish we'd do more to address the underlying illness. Not that the behavior (especially the ones you've described) aren't problematic, but when we put out or contain the fire, the gas can't cause it to spread...in fact, it seems as if we'd feel no need to even touch the fuel. Thanks again for sharing and I pray a close connection with you and the Lord as you walk through these trying times!"
posted at 23:11:58 on April 18, 2012 by Anonymous
Where I stand    
"There was an investigation. What my kids told their therapist was enough for charges or so we thought anyway. Then when it came time to talk to the detective they said some but not enough. So after months the investigation was set to "inactive"
I currently have these emotionally hurting and damaged kids that are stuck in the "system" they are doing conjoint therapy now because they have to see their dad legally. Its so heart breaking. "
posted at 02:53:55 on April 20, 2012 by stoptheabuse
My blog    
"I did set up a blog with a few other moms that are in situations like mine
www.stoptheabuse21.blogspot.com"
posted at 02:54:44 on April 20, 2012 by stoptheabuse
Stoptheabuse,    
"You are doing a great job! I can't even imagine how hard this has been for you but I just wanted to tell you that you sound like a strong woman who is doing everything right. Where our efforts are exhausted,Heavenly Father will take us the rest of the way. I think you will get through this and because you are getting the kids help early, it doesn't have to hurt them for the rest of their lives. I am so sorry you have to deal with this kind of pain."
posted at 08:24:12 on April 20, 2012 by Anonymous


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"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006