A lot harder than I thought
By jja1234
4/4/2012 1:47:15 AM
Its been 3 months since I talked to my bishop for the first time. And I dont feel like I have changed at all. I've had times where I was 1 week sober and so proud of myself that morning. And then that night I couldn't handle it and gave in to the addiction. I am supposed to be meeting with my bishop every week but i'm ashamed since i've made no progress so i've put off setting up an appointment for a few weeks now... I want to change. I really do. i'm striving to serve an honorable full time mission like everyone expects me too. I am just not sure if I will be able to. I feel like I should start going to the addiction recovery meetings but I dont know where they are or even if they are still active. Plus I dont want to arrve and be me and one other person. I'm sorry if this is confusing but I just feel I need to get this off my chest. I'm resetting my counter back to one and we will see how far I can get! Hopefully the infinity symbol pops up and I wont have to worry anymore.


The rest of your life    
"This is not just about a mission. It is about the rest of your life. I attend meetings where it was just me and the guy running it. It was humbling and I felt embarrassed. I just got to the point where I decided I will do whatever it takes to enjoy the rest of my life. Don't be so hard on yourself. Being accountable to someone is very important, and nice to have someone to talk to so you do not need to hold those feelings in. Trust your bishop. Do not think you are rare and this is only an issue with a small percentage of people. It is a huge issue, and you are the small percent willing to do something about it. You are on the right track. Take a leap of faith and realize no matter what you cannot do this on your own."
posted at 13:31:06 on April 4, 2012 by Leo
What helped me was deciding what I was willing to do to get sober    
"Was I willing to risk embarrasment and attending meetings? yes
Was I willing to go to counseling and talk about private things? Yes
Was I willing to journal and reboot my relaitonship with god? Yes
Was I willing to confess everything? Yes

Ask yourself what are you willing to give up?"
posted at 16:31:04 on April 4, 2012 by Hurtallover
You have made some progress    
"Hey Bud,

I agree with both the previous comments. If you haven’t read them a second time I would suggest that you do. Don’t set an expectation that you should be fixed by a certain date and all will be good. That is setting yourself up for disappointment. If you are like me true change takes time.

Meetings can be found at…click on “addiction recovery program”…click on “addiction recovery support groups”. I am assuming that your struggle is of a sexual nature (me too). I have noticed with myself and others that there is an awful lot of shame associated with it; maybe even more than other addictions. I went to LDS general addiction meetings when I started attending. I thought that if the other addicts knew what I struggled with they would shun me. I was just going to get the book and go home and work it on my own. I found out that first night that they didn’t care what my addiction of choice was. Even if you can’t find a pornography meeting close enough (one question HurtAllOver might have added is “How far am I willing to drive to get to a meeting?”) I recommend going to the general meetings. I still go to an LDS general meeting along with an LDS porn meeting and an SA meeeting every week. They are all good for me in different ways. If there aren’t any or enough meetings in your area there is a toll free phone meeting listed on the Salt Lake schedule under Tuesday nights. The fear you may feel about attending meetings is from the devil. He just doesn’t want you to get the help you need. It is like the feelings you had before visiting with your bishop for the first time. If you can just get through that door the first time you will find that fellow addicts are even more understanding and empathetic than your bishop was.

Beyond meetings and even working through the manual and answering all the questions, the most important thing is working the steps. They are what have made the real changes in me. The Steps have helped me really turn things over to the Lord. I may be wrong, but it sounds like you are trying to do it all and then reporting back to the bishop occasionally. No true addict can beat their addiction. I always thought I needed to clean myself up and then I could have a relationship with God and my Savior. Then the Atonement would apply. I found that the relationship had to be developed first and I needed to turn it all over to them and then the Atonement would become an effective part of my life and I would become clean. The Steps taught me how to do that.

Keep plugging at it,
posted at 13:59:41 on April 5, 2012 by justjohn

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"Nothing is beyond [Christ’s] redeeming reach or His encircling empathy. Therefore, we should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns! Having bled at every pore, how red His raiment must have been in Gethsemane, how crimson that cloak! No wonder, when Christ comes in power and glory, that He will come in reminding red attire, signifying not only the winepress of wrath, but also to bring to our remembrance how He suffered for each of us in Gethsemane and on Calvary!"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987