Print
Gone but Not Forgotten
By BTTB
3/15/2012 7:19:05 AM
My addict died over 5 years ago. He was so sick and depressed and unfortunately, didn't escape the chains of his addiction while in this life. What would be our 33rd Wedding Anniversary is coming up in a few days. It's a tough day every year. It does get easier, not much, but a bit. I have learned to forgive him and myself for my side of the addiction and codependency. In my own vulnerable state of mind and mourning period, I have made some major errors and have had to go through my own steps of recovery and repentance. How grateful I am for the 12 steps, for the 6 years I went to meetings and listened, cried, laughed and learned. I have moved out of the States to a foreign country and there are no formal Recovery meetings here to attend. I miss the spirit I felt there and the strength I gained there. I do read my manuals and stay true to program as much as possible. I have a wonderful Branch President who is so supportive and kind. I meet with him every few weeks. By May, I should be able to partake of the Sacrament again and regain my Temple Recommend. How hard that has been, each week to listen to the Sacrament prayer and then realize I can't partake. I ask each day for an extra particle of His Spirit to be with me, I study scriptures and strive so very hard to have the Holy Ghost stay with me. Never again will I take the Sacrament for granted. I have also not been able to sustain the leaders during conference times. It has put daggers in my heart not to do so. It has been a long repentance process and soon I will be on the other end of it. It was so hard to go to my Bishop, but I did so because I heard in a talk "you can be miserable and uncomfortable for awhile here on earth, or you can be miserable and uncomfortable forever is you don't take care of it now" That motivated me to go through the process. I yearn for the day I can report to my Branch Pres. in my Temple Interveiw that I am worthy. Only 60 days to go! I am so grateful for this time to reflect on my addict and remember him for all the good he brought to my life, even in the times of trials and the depths of his addictions, I am grateful for the journey, for without it, I wouldn't have grown to have an appreciation of the Atonement. I am closer to my Savior now, than perhaps I would be any other way. He knows my heart, he knows my addicts heart. I won't forget him.

Comments:



Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006