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I need help
By Kim123
3/14/2012 6:46:21 PM
I am fourteen years old. I live in Salt Lake City. I have a problem with pornography and masturbation. I come from a very good family, and neighborhood. I also have always been a good kid, gotten good grades, been involved in church, and have been a role model for other kids, and I live in such a big lds community. That is why I am so ashamed about my problem. I have a great bishop, and I want to confess to him EXTREMELY bad, but I cannot stand to let him and my parents down. My parents have always told me how proud they are of me that I am such a good kid, and I cannot bare to have them think less of me. I want to stop more than anything, but I just can't. I make pacts with myself to stop but they never last more than a month. I want my bishop's help but as I said I don't want to let him down. It isn't that I am scared of him, he is the most loving bishop I have ever had and probably will have, and he thinks so highly of me, which makes it harder. I just dont want to let anyone down, or have people think less of me, please I need your help and advice as to what to do.

Comments:

This sounds familiar    
"I was the good Mormon kid. Good grades. Varsity sports. YW presidents of my class. Destined for a church university. Active in the church. I wanted to stop when I was young but I knew my Bishop so well, he knew my family. I didn't want to let anyone down. This is the story of many of us.

Don't be afraid. I have learned something over the past few years of recovery. People understand better than I had imagined. Bishops have been loving and very helpful. Even my mom who previously referred to sex addicts as perverts is now my biggest support. When I told her I couldn't go in the temple, she just asked me if I was working on it and how she could help. Then a few of my friends found out. I was worried they'd think I was hypocrite but they still looked up to me. They are happy when I have successes and help me up when I'm feeling down.

Don't be afraid. Faith is the opposite of fear. Have faith in Jesus Christ. Have faith in healing through confession. Have faith that people love and care about you. Don't let fear hold you back.

I'm here. And all of us are. We'll always be here for you. Take that first step of honesty and admit that you have done something wrong. Everyone does but not everyone admits it. Your confession will put you on the strait and narrow were few walk."
posted at 20:05:25 on March 14, 2012 by Iamstrong
Agree wth the above comment    
"Most Mormons go through this type of situation. I'm in ot right now, and I still haven't confessed. But, you know it has been the worst decision because I've been inactive for almost a year. You know, I've never been Unhappier. I love church, and this problem has cost me so much. I've never wanted to admit i was inactive, but i have been. I dont want that to happen to you, everything you care for begins to fall apart.

I want to help you any way i can, and maybe you might not do all you plan to so maybe i can give some tips to protect yourselves. Others feel free to comment on what i say.

How are you getting you porn? When are you accessing it? How often do you access?

Answer these things and we can figure out a way to block yourself from temptation. Of course, that isn't the only solution, your mind has to change completely but that will come as you pray and study. I think what's most important is to get away from danger so you can recover. Thanks, I'll check often. "
posted at 20:33:28 on March 14, 2012 by moroni
No better time than now    
"Think of it this way: You can confess now, maybe let e few people down and align your life for the greatest blessings God has for you. Or wait, allow the addiction to progress, be unworthy to partake of these blessings, let down more people, jeopardize a temple marraige... The longer you wait the harder. I would rather let down the whole world and do what is right and have God on my side, than falsely impress the world and not be in tune with God.

I hope I am not coming across in a negative way. There is no better time than now. It is worth it. People will understand and come with open arms to help. Take the leap of faith!"
posted at 23:35:10 on March 14, 2012 by Leo
Just too scared    
"Hey it's kim123 I can't remember my login. Moroni it is on my ipod, I get it just from google, and it is about once a month. But I don't think I can confess I'm just not the brave type, especially I my friends find out, they will never look at me the same."
posted at 18:26:17 on March 17, 2012 by Anonymous
I think you underestimate people    
"Just because you live in SLC, in a large LDS community, doesn't mean that problems don't exist. Everyone has problems. Your business is your business, they don't announce your sins from the pulpit. I think that you should realize that so many people are so wrapped up in themselves that they really don't think about other peoples problems all that much.
Your Bishop will be a huge support to you. When I was a teenager my Bishop told me that I didn't have to tell my parents if I didn't want to, so I didn't.
Relax, you will be fine. Talk to your Bishop really soon, you will feel so much better."
posted at 05:51:10 on March 18, 2012 by ME
Hey Kim    
"I'll give you some of the same suggestions I gave to TTT. Delete all third party apps that can get you on the internet. So search engines or other browsers. Download K9Web Browser, which blocks porn and such. This will replace your Safari app. I know you can't delete Safari, but you can restrict it. You go to the restrictions in settings and restrict safari and the app store, sk you dont download another browser. The key is not knowing the password. Is there anyone you know who can put a password on your phone?

But just know, you will need to confess eventually. But I think if you can stop as soon as possible, your problems will be easier. "
posted at 17:52:22 on March 18, 2012 by moroni
Why    
"Hey its Kim. Why do I need to confess if I can get through it?"
posted at 18:31:35 on March 18, 2012 by Anonymous
@Kim    
"First off what do you think of the k9 app?

Well, it is a part of the 12 Step program they have here. I'm young, I dont know a lot about the repentance process; other members here in sure can help you understand why but from what I know, you need to confess in order to repent fully. Its just the way it is but its not punishment, from others have said its a great blessing. I can't truthfully say it is because I haven't yet, but I have every intention to do so soon.

What I can say, is that it will change you if you dont. It will ear you up inside and you will almost try to avoid spiritual things. I went to church today for the first time in months. My heart has been hardened, I was so angry for no obvious reason. I'm not happy with myself, I'm not where I want to be. I'm angry at myself, at my situation and my failures. I wish I stopped right away, but I couldn't. I thought if I just stopped I would never have worry about it again. But I never could alone. You need the Lord and thr bishop will help you. Its part of the Process to confess.

If you dont have access to pornographic material, then the bishop may or may not make you tell your parents. Talk to him, let him know how you feel. I wish I had from the start. So what you need to do is prepare yourself to confess, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You don't have to tell your friends. This life is yours, live it."
posted at 19:05:39 on March 18, 2012 by moroni
Why do you need to confess?    
"Because it is the only way to get through it.

This started for me when I was like 10. I thought I could stop. Then I realized I was addicted. Still thought I could stop. When did I confess? Like when I was 17. Why? Because it had gotten out of hand and ruined my life.

It's like driving down a hill and your brakes go out. You need God. This is his process of healing. Yes, confession is hard. But as one of my role models, Mike Donehey, said "When a surgeon cute, we can trust that there is a plan to heal." It's going to hurt. You are going to be in pain. But you have to trust that God, the greatest of all surgeons, is healing you. That this "surgery" will make you healthier.

Every single person has a trial. Has a sin that they struggle to overcome. For some, it may be lying. For others, it may be stealing. For another, cheating in school. You having this problem does not make you a failure. It does not make you a bad role model. It makes you a human. I'd say that confession would make you an even GREATER role model. Because you know where your strength lies. You know that you can do all things with God. I always remind myself "Without God, I can't. Without me, He won't." We are both important in the relationship. But He is the source of my strength. The kids that look up to you, your friends, that large LDS community, DOESN'T have to know. You are confessing to the Lord. The reason you confess to the Bishop is because he is the Lord's ambassador. He helps to heal you. He helps you overcome your fear of the flesh. Your fear of confession. Your fear of this whole addiction. And he helps you replace it with faith.

In the Bible it talks about confessing. James 5:16 "Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed." We all want to be healed. That's why we are here. But how bad do you want it? Are you willing to get the surgery?"
posted at 20:25:19 on March 18, 2012 by iamstrong
They know    
"I am sorry to tell you this, but i am also glad to tell you this. they know. they might not know that you personally struggle with this, but im sure they are well aware that this is a big problem among guys your age. they won't be too surprised. i'm telling ya, tell them sooner rather tan later. turn around and walk back up the road. start right now. at a point it becomes absolutely nessescary to tell someone. one of the main steps of repentance is to tell a trusted friend or family member, as well as your bishop. they will still love you, if not love you more."
posted at 17:12:30 on March 22, 2012 by SeminaryKid
Letting go of my dirty little secret    
"I talked to my first bishop at 16. It just came out during my annual interview. When I left his office I felt like I was walking on air. I felt like a huge burden had been taken off my shoulders. You’re not the only youth who struggles with this and not the only one who has talked to your bishop. When I saw a friend not partake of the sacrament once it gave me more admiration for him, not less. He apparently took it more serious than I did.

Porn and masturbation are a tougher addiction to overcome than illegal drugs according to the experts (those that have been addicted to both). You probably won’t be able to just “get through it.” If you thoroughly work the 12 Step repentance process you are assured success. You may have to work the Steps for a long time and it won’t be easy, but the people I know who persist heal and become clean. I have always felt that confession was needed for this. When I follow the Spirit regarding who I need to tell I have had very good experiences."
posted at 17:07:15 on March 26, 2012 by justjohn


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"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

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