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My story
By TTT
3/13/2012 10:26:55 PM
One day when I was twelve out of curiosity I looked girls on YouTube. I was not away that even little things like that could lead me to where I am now. I kept looking up small things like this on YouTube. I never thought to go on the internet because it was wrong. I was unsure about what Masterbation was nevertheless how to do it. My sister saw history which in my youth I never thought to clear which was a blessing. She told my parents and they talked to me about it. Although I denied it at first, I confessed. I met with the bishop and he said that I could not pass the sacrament, which is very embarrassing because you feel like everyone knows your secrets. He told me to read and pray daily. I missed sometimes but I still continued to look these things up. I soon had a stronger sexual drive and I started mb. This was the big decline for me. I would sometimes do it twice a day. When I first started I would mb everyday. When I went to the bishop I told him I was improving and he said that I could pass the sacrament again. Around eighth grade I started texting. I first would look up porn on my phone which by the way cost money so my mom quickly found out. I visited the bishop again and tried once again to stop. I was starting to get more into pornography and soon I was onto hardcore porn. I also started asking a couple girls for inappropriate pictures and luckily they were not cooperative. In tenth grade I started sexting girls and I did not respect them at all. I had phone sex(once) and felt awful about it.
I am a pretty good kid and I have been president over my quorum ever since I have had the priesthood. Some days are better than others but I have not been able to quit through fasting, intense prayer, and all that I could do. I cannot remember a time that I went a week without mb or looking up porn since then. Im just waging and trying my hardest to kill these addictions. Which I fear will follow my I the future.

Comments:

It usualy starts that way    
"My parents never ever talked to me about sex or anything around that subject. We all grow up and our body changes, I need answers to my urges and questions. Unfortunately, the Internet is the WORST place to go. It started small and gradually got worse and worse.

You are in a different situation than me i guess, your parent know. But that can be a big blessing. How long has it been since you e told them you looked at porn? Do they think you've been clean for a while?

I'm trying to investigate if i can make a K9Web Protection Account from my computer so that way you can punch in the sign in info and i can change the password for you. That way you dont look stuff up in your moments of weakness.

Your other choice, is to have your parents do all of this for you but I'm just curious how you feel about it? You'll have to tell the bishop sooner or later i think, but stopping the easy access as soon as possible accessed be extremely beneficial."
posted at 23:07:30 on March 13, 2012 by moroni
Pretty long    
"It has been a while since I've told them. I think they think I have been clean for a long time. I don't want to tell them because i don't want to lose their trust again and I think they would be upset with me."
posted at 00:21:53 on March 14, 2012 by TTT
ok so download the k9web protection app    
"Do that, I haven't done that on an iPod in a long time, but do that now and let me know how the instructions go. Do you want to exchange email? I'm switching this account also to New_Moroni but that will be in the next few days but ill still use this one for a lol but.

Anyway, let me know if it requires an account for the k9 thing, I can make one of you want"
posted at 00:25:41 on March 14, 2012 by moroni
You said you can't do it...    
"And you are absolutely right. You can't. But Christ can. I have a quote wall in my room that is right above my computer and next to my bed. I can always see it. And it says:

"Nothing will happen today that you and God can't handle."
"Without God, I can't. Without me, He won't."
"Let go and let God."

The only way to overcome this is when you put yourself below the Savior and allow Him to take over. God has already solved our problems. He sees everything. He knows everything and he has prepared a way. He's ALREADY DONE IT. We just have to stop getting in the way. Focus on your faith and your conduct will naturally fall into line. I know that you have great faith. You are a priesthood holder and a good kid. You are son of God. You are in the Army of Helaman. But take this opportunity to learn more about the Atonement and come closer to Christ. The moral code is great. But you don't change because of a checklist. You change because of what Christ did. Learn doctrine. Not just do's and don'ts."
posted at 00:42:53 on March 14, 2012 by iamstrong
Can't help but type    
"I can't help it, I don't type much anymore. But I just can't help it, I am just casually reading some of these blogs... But when I see you two TTT and Moroni, I just feel this intense desire to try to help someway. Forgive me right now, my words are scrambled but I only wish to help out of love if I can.
Basically your story is the same as mine, except I'm much older now, and I started typing here back when I was 17, I hated myself just as much and thought I was a worthless animal, and although I am doing much better now I am still not perfect, but the peace and love that comes from learning the gospel and enduring these trials with humility and patients has helped me come to this point. I would talk to your bishop if you have not already... It may be difficult, but I would also talk to your parents, most of the time this is good... Sadly my mother had a difficult time with it, she tried to help but because of other situations adding up she based her self-worth on how her sons were doing, she needed time to learn and grow too... It hurt me too, but I am not perfect and neither is she, and she loves me, and I love my mother...
once we get passed the imperfection of it all we can see the problem for what it really is, an addictive sin that will lead to saddness if you do not fight it with all your strength. You will have to admit that you can not do it on your own, you help, you are only as sick as your secrets. This problem plagued and destroyed my youth. Do not let the devil distort the truth, he will do anything he can to try to convince you that this is an ok or acceptable practice because it is "normal" ... the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.....
... Even like this... Because of it's addictive nature it will in time attempt to destroy your agency... Do all that you can do, confess and forsake your sins, humble yourself because it is not going to magically disappear. I'm 22 years old now, it will only get worse unless you humble yourself now. Learn from the Plan of Salvation, learn to understand why your Body is tempting you in these things... God has a plan for you in this and in due time you will have the opportunity to marry a lady and to rise a family unto the Lord. You must control this now or you will crash like a drunk driver in a car... Like your spirit driving your body to the ground…
My mind is running on and on, I’m like an old record repeating over and over again, I can’t organize my thoughts too well right now… I love you guys, and I don’t want you to suffer, I wish it was not so difficult and tempting… God loves you always and anyways and he can help you."
posted at 00:56:31 on March 14, 2012 by Gondor44646
I agree with Gondor44646    
"It is like a drug. So much like a drug, that I am surprised I only had this realization recently. I have a brother that struggles with alcohol. Another brother that struggled with a pill addiction. Apparently addiction runs in my family...
When either of them were on their drugs they didn't think rationally, they weren't themselves, they would do stupid things that they would never do otherwise.
Everyone always says how porn is an addiction like a drug, but I never drew this connection.
That while "on porn" I would do things that the rational, sober me would never do! Without porn I am a well-behaved, rational, responsible human being who loves my wife and kids, my parents, the church etc. On porn, I am a crazed idiot looking for another boundary I can push, sneaking, dishonest, uncaring, perverted. Doing things that no rational person ever would. Because I wasn't drinking something or popping pills or smoking something I never realized how similar a porn problem really is. I have known I was an addict for years, but that connection was just made recently. "
posted at 11:04:48 on March 14, 2012 by WHATTODO
You don't have to live in the struggle    
"I am sorry if I sound like a broken record, but working the 12 Steps is the best way out. IamStrong is right. Everything she is talking about I really learned working the 12 Steps. I may have known some of that stuff intellectually at a superficial level, but working the 12 Steps made them a part of who I am. Now I know them to be the truth with every fiber of my being. I understand them in much greater depth now. The program works:
“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.” AA Big Book Chapter 5

If I were you I would get a hold of a few books: The LDS Recovery Manual, “Sexaholics Anonymous” (also called “The White book”) and even “Alcoholics Anonymous” (also called “The Big Book”) and the “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions”. You can find them all online for free in pdf format. If you can’t find them, I will send them to anyone, just email me at justjohnh@gmail.com Then I would work the Steps until you are healed and then maintain what they teach the rest of your life. It takes the fight right out of overcoming addiction. It will take a while, but that is better than being a hopeless addict the rest of our lives and that is the only other option. The worst day in recovery is better than the best day in addiction.

Love you,
John"
posted at 18:27:09 on March 14, 2012 by justjohn
The White Book!    
"Highly recommend it! Because the focus is surrendering to God, not fighting addiction. What I learned early in the program is that when you fight addiction sometimes you still let it control your life. Replace addiction with God. Stop focusing on porn, mb, etc and focus on God. He wants you still. He loves you still. He is willing to meet you where you are. God won't give up on you. So don't ever give up on Him."
posted at 20:14:19 on March 14, 2012 by Iamstrong
Great advice    
"Thank you. I am truly ready to quit. I got the K9 web search app and it's great. You do not need an account. I am going to follow the 12 steps and read the white book. I appreciate all of you more than you know. Thanks again for everything."
posted at 23:53:45 on March 14, 2012 by TTT
cool. but important part    
"Have someone that you trust go to the restrictions settings, and lock safari. I think you should do this as soon as possible before your tempted. Mu biggest point was to stop the use of porn, that's the most important right now then go to the bishop soon. Masturbation is an issue, but not as big as porn in my opinion, because there are a lot of people that try to tackle masturbation first and it doesn't quite make sense.

I emailed you before you deleted it. Lemme know if you get it"
posted at 23:59:52 on March 14, 2012 by moroni
that's an underscore after lds    
"The line kinda ruins it a bit, but hope to hear from ya, progress and what not."
posted at 00:01:16 on March 15, 2012 by moroni
TTT you should delete your posts with your email addresses as soon as you can.. especially since you are minors.    
"Be safe online.."
posted at 21:16:00 on March 16, 2012 by Anonymous
Thanks    
"Thanks I didn't even think about that"
posted at 22:09:05 on March 16, 2012 by TTT
apparently that was my wrong email, sorry ttt    
"But I did send you an email, did you get it?"
posted at 22:18:51 on March 16, 2012 by moroni


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"My brethren who are caught in this addiction or troubled by this temptation, there is a way. Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction. So, turn it off! Look away! Avoid it at all costs. Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths. Please heed these warnings. Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of ography that threatens our spirituality, our marriages, and our children. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference, April 2005