Mourning - My own cry for help
By derek
12/14/2006 1:19:05 PM
Matthew 5:4 — Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
What a great verse for me personally today. My wife and I are both really struggling today. She's mourning all the pain I've caused her and I am mourning the despicable things I've done to cause her that pain. I feel lost, trapped, hopeless, worthless, MOURNFUL. I know Satan wants me to feel those things, but it's just incredibly hard not to feel that way. How horrible is this addiction!!! I feel so disgusted and sick when I think of my wife's tears, her feelings of being unwanted, and unloved. Though it's not true, I can understand why she feels that way - I did it to her after all. I pray that this verse is true. Frankly it's about all I have to hold on to today. I pray that the Savior WILL comfort us. I especially pray that our wives may be comforted. They must endure so much because of our actions.


"The only thing that helps me get through those really down times is to pray. Kneel and pray, or pray in my heart.

Pray until the worst of it passes.

The wonderful thing about the atonement is that is can heal our pain as well as our sin.

Then, do something fun together. Sometimes I get so worn out from focusing on the addiction and I just want a normal life again. Spending time together doing something simple is really good medicine. It's nice to remember how much you love each other."
posted at 15:14:16 on December 14, 2006 by sophie
Finding Rest In Your Soul    
"Derek, you have made such wonderful progress and have been such an inspiration to all of us with your spiritual insights and your hard work and determination in overcoming this terrible addiction. Your struggle today has made me feel incredibly sad, but I am convinced that recovery from this addiction always has a bit of a roller coaster effect that comes with the territory. However, I was very inspired by the "thought for today" - "Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "— Larry W. GibbonsGeneral Conference October ." I am certain that this is also the only way to feel that peace and comfort you are in such need of today. I know that what you are going through is a necessary part of the path, but don't dwell there too long. When you continue to constantly beat yourself up you are in effect casting aside the hope the Savior has once again brought into your life. Concentrate on the progress you have made and most of all the healing power the Savior has shown in your life. You are his brother. He loves you. "Come unto Him, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and He shall give you rest. Take His yoke upon you, and learn of Him...and ye shall find rest unto your soul.""
posted at 23:30:31 on December 14, 2006 by Mother In Zion
Prayed for    
"Awhile ago you wrote about how your wife was very concerned about some of the people on this site - even to tears. You wrote about a beautiful prayer that was offered in their behalf. You should know that the favor is returned, and that you are prayed for. I know I have prayed for you and your wife specifically. I am very grateful to both you and your wife for the many blogs left here that have helped buoy me up and give me insight. You're in my thoughts and prayers, and I am sure you are in the thoughts and prayers of many others."
posted at 00:50:12 on December 15, 2006 by josh
Thank you    
"Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers on mine and my wife's behalf. It's so wonderful to have support when we need it. As is promised, I was comforted and so was my wife. I really was helped a lot by our support group meeting last night as well as by these thoughts you wrote yesterday and today."
posted at 13:14:55 on December 15, 2006 by derek

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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988