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Guidance, thoughts, testimony...
By Gondor44646
2/24/2012 12:43:49 PM
I don't like typing about personal stuff. But I want relief and I think I can find it here.

I meet with my bishop often, I’m happy to say that I have been doing well against my problems. (pornography and masturbation) (6 months? I forget and I don’t want to care or count)

I had a wet dream last night, of course I know this is not my fault and that there is very little I can do, I can get over that, I still hate it though. For some reason after a wet dream I am greatly tempted to act inappropriately (masturbation). It was a difficulty for a while; I have been able to get over it several times now.

I am sad because I fear talking to my bishop now. Unfortunately last night after the wet dream I acted upon that temptation and masturbated. That is it. I am typing this blog for guidance. I don’t want to blow this out of proportion, I don’t want to have to tell the bishop every time something goes wrong, but because of my fear of man, and lack of humility I know that I am not taking this seriously.

I have prayed for forgiveness, and I have forgiven myself. I want the Melchizedek priesthood, I want to go to the Temple, and I want to go on a mission. And I will not let this problem stop me ever again, and I have been destroying it for several months now, I may consider this an isolated accident. But I am ready to tell the bishop if I have too.

I also wanted advice on 2 other topics... Sexual thoughts (1), although I am doing well to prevent them, all too often I find myself thinking and fantasizing about it. The devil has done well to distort my understanding about what is good and bad about sex. I can’t see the good things about it, and all I see and think are the bad. I know that the Lord has certain purposes for sex, and that it is not bad when done correctly. I also believe that it is important to remain chaste and virtuous before marriage and to control your thoughts. ... How do you control your thoughts... ... even after I tell myself to stop thinking about it I almost immediately continue thinking about it. I sing a hymn, I say a prayer, it helps... not perfect, but maybe this takes more time. Any thoughts?

I also wanted to talk about a testimony of the church (2), I believe this church to be true, I believe The Book Of Mormon is true, I believe Joseph Smith was a prophet... but I don’t know, I don’t have a perfect knowledge, and maybe that is why they call it faith. I have prayed about it several times, and on many occasions and at different times I have felt the comfort and peace that comes by the knowledge of truth (Holy Ghost). Recently I have found myself doubting everything; I believe the Devil is doing everything he can to try to confuse me before I get away. On one recent occasion I prayed for the truth again, and felt that I would receive a greater witness if I prayed and asked my questions in the Temple. I will do so, and I hope to do so soon... I want to know everybody else's thoughts about the truth. How do you know that we are not lead astray? How do you know that Joseph Smith was not a False Prophet? How do you know the doctrines we have been taught are correct? Of course I believe this church to be true, and any attempts to disprove it have only made my testimony stronger...

Ok, thanks...

Gondor

Comments:

I think you already know what to do...    
"As a veteran of addiction recovery, you should already know that you need to tell your bishop about the masturbation. One relapse of masturbation will not keep you from reaching your worthy goals. Just make sure you nip it in the bud and keep the addiction from taking over your life. I would imagine that your bishop will be very understanding, and even if he comes down hard on you, just know that it will be for your own good.

Congrats on the long period of sobriety. I'm really happy for you, and I hope you can continue to stay clean.

I know that it seems unfair when we have sex dreams. I had a wet dream earlier this week, and I have had six to seven times as many urges since then to act out as I normally do. I have also had sex dreams every night since. I wish I understood why we have to go through temptations like these instead of just walking down a simple road. I pray each night that the Lord will walk with me in my dreams and keep my thoughts pure, but this has not seemed to help me lately.

I will say that having friends in recovery has made a huge difference for me. I think that people who are not struggling with addiction would have a difficult time understanding what we go through. It has helped me a lot to rely on the fellowship in my group because they always listen sympathetically and give good advice when I ask for it.

As for your questions about sex being good or bad, I think it's ok for you to just assume it's bad at this point. I would tell you that it's good and sacred and everything, but I think it's only good and sacred for married people. You're not married, and neither am I. If we start thinking about sex being good, then we'll quickly fall into the trap of fantasizing about having good sex. I assume you already know all this. So until you've been married to your eternal companion, I think it would be best for you to label sex as bad in your head.

As for your testimony, that is something you have to find out on your own. Nobody can spoon feed that to you. I know the church is true because I felt the Spirit tell me personally. I hope you can have a similar experience."
posted at 10:52:50 on February 25, 2012 by ETTE
agreed    
"I agree with the comments above - I think you do know what to do. You're only questioning it because that's what Satan wants you to do. He wants you to wonder if it really matters if you tell your Bishop or not. Remember that this addiction thrives in secrecy, so nip it in the bud and tell your Bishop and let him guide you. Keep praying, studying your scriptures (not just reading) and going to church. Read Ensign articles, conference talks, etc. Surround yourself with good. Satan is working hard on you for a reason.

I agree that sex is good for married people. Since you aren't in that category, just realize that there is no way you can realize how good it will be yet. It isn't a bad thing, but it's not something you want in your life right now, because you want it to be the sacred wonderful thing that happens in eternal marriages between spouses who love each other and the Lord and keep their Temple covenants.

As far as sexual thoughts, I don't know more advice but I think focusing on replacing the thoughts with something positive is the best way to deal with it.

Keep working hard at this. You are worth it."
posted at 11:08:31 on February 25, 2012 by crushedwife
What kind of music do you listen to? What movies do you watch?    
"To bluntly speak from my personal experience: the sexual thoughts, the wet dreams, the temptations, the lack of control, and even the weak testimony are all the product of one thing--lingering mind pollution.

Our "elders" have always told us that the music we listen to and the movies we watch are bad for us, but we typically ignore their suggestions as products of deranged minds. How could something as awesome as our media really be that harmful?

Isn't it amazing how Satan flips reality upside down? If we are listening to mainstream music and watching movies and TV that are absolutely SATURATED with sex, then WE are the ones with the deranged minds, not our elders, who warn us away from these things.

In my case, when I left the TV, PG13 comedies, and mainstream music behind, I learned a valuable lesson for me: How did I ever expect to control my thoughts and improve my spirituality with just 10 minutes of scriptures and prayer a day, when I was polluting my mind with hours and hours of soft porn from morning to night via the music I listened to and the media I watched?

That music and that media is poison, and it comes right from the dragon in the Revelation. In the last days, the dragon unleashes waters to try to wash away the righteous. I think the waters (which are normally a representation of doctrine in the scriptures) are MEDIA, and the constant barrage of sex in the media is washing away the testimonies of the righteous.

It comes down to how badly we want to be free of these temptations and how badly we want to be in control of our mind and flesh. We can't do it without faith, without repentance, without the Savior's atonement, and without help. But we also can't be free when we continue to swim in the river of filth that Nephi and Lehi saw in the vision of the tree of life.

We need to get out of the water completely, dry off, and head straight for the tree, holding on to the rod. Immerse yourselves in the waters of Judah (baptism) and the pure, living waters of Christ (his doctrine). Fill your mind with beautiful, spiritual music and uplifting, edifying media, and you will find, as you purify your mind with cleansing waters, that controlling your thoughts, dreams, and actions becomes much easier with time.

That's been my experience.

Good luck, Gondor. You are a great guy, and this one blip will not keep you from a mission or temple marriage. Put it behind you by telling your bishop, changing your habits, and moving on. Congratulations on the great progress. You are not losing this battle. At worst, you are about 180 wins to 1 loss. That's an excellent record, and it certainly puts you in the ring of champions."
posted at 12:44:26 on February 25, 2012 by beclean
How do I know?    
"I read the Bible. This church has taught me to act on the teachings of the Bible. It has brought me closer to Christ. It has warned my family about things that could hurt us. I know that this church is the Church of Jesus Christ because it can't be anything else. Satan isn't going to warn and protect me, or teach me about the Bible. That would be ridiculous! So I know by logic that this is true. In the Bible it says that that which is good will bring forth good fruit. This is good fruit.

One of my friends was told that we were a cult. And I loved his response. He said "This so called cult has taught me to obey the commandments of God, get an education, pray, read the Bible, serve the Lord, respect my parents, obey the law."

So that is how I know.

As to being afraid to talk to the Bishop... I heard a story from a Christian musician Mike Donehey. He said how a boy and girl went to talk to a pastor about how they had sex in a parking lot. And how they wanted to repent, they knew it was a mistake, and wanted to confess before the Lord. The pastor said that he had already known about the sin because someone saw them. The boy and girl were freaking out, somebody saw them?! The pastor said that God had seen. And then they were calm. Oh it was only God.... Mike pointed out how absurd this is! We have no trouble confessing to God, the Almighty! But we are afraid of man? It's ridiculous. It's because most of us still think of Him as this imaginary, invisible being. The flesh scares us. That is why God has commanded us to confess to each other and pray for one another. To show true repentance."
posted at 16:35:50 on February 25, 2012 by Iamstrong
So ive gone backwards, read your blogs    
"I'm 17, in your situation when you were 17. What is your advice to me. Give me the real thoughts in your brain, something unconventional and different."
posted at 03:44:25 on March 13, 2012 by moroni


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"My brethren who are caught in this addiction or troubled by this temptation, there is a way. Don’t accommodate any degree of temptation. Prevent sin and avoid having to deal with its inevitable destruction. So, turn it off! Look away! Avoid it at all costs. Direct your thoughts in wholesome paths. Please heed these warnings. Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of ography that threatens our spirituality, our marriages, and our children. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference, April 2005