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By byfaith
2/21/2012 11:40:30 AM
Oh I hate this so much! I feel like crying out WHY!! Why can't I bite this! But I know why. I shouldn't be asking why. Its so stupid how this keeps happening though! But I know that instead of asking why this is happening, I should try asking how can I do better, what can I do to keep myself safe? Where can I be that is safe? Who can I help or who can help me? Today was supposed to be day 6 and now it has to be the start of day 1.

I'd like to share something I read though. Its from the BYU Magazine that my brother gets every so often. It has a really good talk by Brad Wilcox in it. Its about the atonement and explains so much about grace that I didn't understand. His talk is called "His Grace is Sufficient." He says "As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins, and mistakes may appear, we can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy of a chance to begin again? No. We just have to accept these blessings and take advantage of them. As sure as each brand-new day, grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is constant."

Its comforting to know that even though I may fall, there is always a choice for me to pick myself back up again. Christ hand is stretched out still, even for a soul as unclean as mine. Knowing this I fortunately already have an appointment to meet with my bishop tomorrow and so I ask for your prayers that I can start doing better.

Comments:

Hang in there    
"I really feel your frustration. I’ve been trying to quit for at least 38 years, talked to my first bishop 35 years ago, I’ve been in recovery for 11 years and clean and sober for 34 days! Now don’t go out and kill yourself, I have a lot of friends who have recovered faster. They just aren’t as dense as me. I sometimes list stupidity among my numerous addictions when I introduce myself at meetings. It really is stupid at this point considering all that I have experienced and seen in others. For some reason I keep playing the dog returning to its vomit. On the bright side recovery has been very good to me. I have so much more peace and happiness in my life, and I've processed an awful lot and put it behind me. I have had some wonderful highs accomplishing things I would never have believed before getting into 12 Step recovery. My final frustration is putting together some long-term sobriety. I have never made it a year by my current standards. By my old porn addict criteria I do have at least one spell of multiple years, but that isn’t a level that I can live with having a clear conscience before my wife and my God.

I just try to not let it get me down and plug the holes each time I spring a leak in my sobriety. I do believe we will attain the goal if we just never give up. A friend of mine sent me this quote from Elder Christofferson’s talk last Oct. that I think says it really well.

Surely the Lord smiles upon one who desires to come to judgment worthily, who resolutely labors day by day to replace weakness with strength. Real repentance, real change may require repeated attempts, but there is something refining and holy in such striving. Divine forgiveness and healing flow quite naturally to such a soul... "The Divine Gift of Repentance" D. Todd Christofferson"
posted at 15:12:13 on February 21, 2012 by justjohn


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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990