Stop? OR try to do better?
By endure
2/9/2012 3:02:50 PM
I was really feeling good about myself, going several weeks without even a temptation. That's the pattern. I go a length of time and it does not even feel like a problem that I have, as if I'm above that now. Who am I kidding.

Needless to say with the number of adverse things that have gone on in my life the past year I'm finding step 3 very difficult. 2 job losses and a toddler with major surgery turning into extreme major surgery and still rehabbing her body. I just couldn't follow the spirit anymore. I felt like every time I did I got slapped. I stopped reading and praying, became bitter towards God for acting on his promptings and getting crushed. I became afraid to follow his promptings and actually lost faith that his way was the best. sounds silly now that I write that down but I couldn't shake it and gave up for a time. My life started to tailspin. I wanted to be released from my calling and crawl in a hole and just take a break from life. Looking back I'm surprised I didn't use porn more often to escape. I did have few instances where I gave in. Anyway I was ready to throw in the towel on life when a few Sundays ago I actually felt the spirit at church. It had been awhile. I picked up the Book of Mormon again and started reading daily again. Peace and comfort started to creep in my life and I was able to start recognizing blessings in my life which I was incapable of doing months prior.

I listened to E. Packards CES fireside and it was very good. He said to stop porn. Ive heard the prophet say cease viewing porn. Sounds like good advice to me but when I hear addiction counselors advise bishops. They tell them to stop saying STOP! that it just adds to the problem and gets them thinking about their problem and leads to acting out again. It doesn't seem like the church as a whole is on the same page and we are losing the battle o porn and morality.

However, I did like what E. Packard said about repenting. To keep doing it, over and over. That's the key it seems. Because once we stop repenting we lose desire and that's the danger when we no longer have a desire to change.


One day at a time...    
"It is a process. I don't think that the church is losing the battle on porn and morality though... There are so many success stories. The Gospel of Christ always wins. Sometimes people don't but with the Gospel they can.

And I think the about stop is that yes, we need to stop. And the prophet says that, because it is the first step. But there is more to it. I know that the bishops who I felt I had more progress with were the ones who went beyond making me stop. They had me find the roots of my addiction, they had me identify my triggers, and they had me prepare for my next temptation. Because the real trial is not in stopping, it's in not starting again. So I don't see these things necessarily as conflicting arguments.

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling peace and comfort again! When the problems come again, remember that you don't need your drug! You don't need it."
posted at 21:38:49 on February 9, 2012 by iamstrong
Punishment or blessing    
"Before I get started on the rest of my thoughts I agree that we must stop looking at porn, but it is a matter of focus. If “Don’t Look” is the whole plan that is wrong. That is probably what the counselors are trying to get at. But if we don’t stop the Spirit doesn’t have much chance to work in us. Any addiction needs a bit of sobriety to start recovery. I have to make sure my main focus is on my dailies, so that the day begins in the right Spirit. I have to focus on working the Atonement/Steps and that will strengthen and change me so that the fight is no longer the fight it was. I try to focus on the things I need to do rather than the things I shouldn’t.

I’m glad you are in a better place now Endure. Trials seem to push people away from or closer to God and I guess that is the real test: which way will we turn? As my sister said once, we have to look for the gift in our trials. Fortunately, my Heavenly Father drove that point home a little over twenty years ago for me. I taught a lesson on how we are blessed through our trials and then that afternoon my 13 month old son was burned with hot oil we were using to cook scones. After holding my son down while the doctor at the burn unit cleaned out his burns and explained that we would have to do the same thing three times a day until they healed, I was pretty angry and bitter as we headed back home. I thought, “How could this be a blessing?” I just couldn’t see it. Now I believe it was divine providence that I taught that lesson that morning so that the question would be on my mind through the coming weeks. I was able to list 5 blessing by the end. It has helped me through job losses and years of financial struggles. It has helped through career struggles and finally working in my number four choice of careers. It helped when a large truck came through the front wall of our house. I got my kids involved in searching for the blessings during that experience. When we got back into our house six months later, the list was over 50 items long. The same philosophy has helped me deal with my current challenge of Peyronies Disease. In fact just three weeks ago I felt devastated by it and now I feel it is the greatest blessing I have had in years and that it was a tailor made answer to our prayers.

I haven’t listed all these things to minimize what you have been going through. I wanted to you to know that I really do understand. Watching your own little one suffer is possibly the most heart wrenching thing there is. I am sure you felt like I did that you would willingly suffer whatever was needed to take away the suffering of your child. I want to share one of the blessings that came out of my son’s burns. I appreciate it even more now that I am in recovery. One day when I couldn’t take it anymore, we asked my father-in-law to come over and help my wife do the cleaning, and I took a walk. My mind began to see the parallels between our situation and what happened during the Atonement. This was my only son/child at the time. I realized just how much our Heavenly Father must have suffered during the suffering of His perfect son. He had the power to stop it, but He wouldn’t because He loves us so much. He knew this was the only way to save us. He suffered along with His Son for our sakes. I realize you are in a better place now, and maybe you have already done this, but I would challenge you to look back and try to find all the blessing and lessons that Our Heavenly Father was trying to give through these trials.

Maybe I am just dense, but I don’t know if I could get the blessings that come out of my trials any other way. Pain is a great attention getting device. I love this quote that seems to apply:

"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day." Abraham Lincoln"
posted at 22:14:11 on February 12, 2012 by justjohn
Thanks for sharing JustJohn    
"I still deal with hurtful feeling. And those who say adversity just makes you stronger I beg to differ. Before my child's surgery I listened to Elder Scotts talk about Faith. He said in there that continual correct choices brings strength, and during adversity is when it is used. I believe that to be true."
posted at 15:48:58 on February 14, 2012 by Anonymous
Thanks for sharing JustJohn    
"Sorry the above comment is mine. thanks for sharing your intimate experience and heartaches with me. I hope I can have a stronger testimony of the atonement. Maybe by more reflection and counting the blessings as you suggested will help me do just that. May you be blessed for your service on this site."
posted at 16:41:40 on February 14, 2012 by endure

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"In a decaying environment, the mind is the last redoubt of righteousness, and it must be preserved even amid bombardment by evil stimuli. Christ is competent to see us through, “for in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted” As promised, He will make either “a way to escape” or a way “to bear it”."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987