By momof5
2/7/2012 2:44:29 PM
I have called and gotten the number of a lawyer from friend who just got a divorce. It has been two years since I caught my husband and it has just gotten worse in the relationship not better. I am now working on step 4 and it seems the further along I get in my recovery the further apart my marriage falls. My husband still is leaving weekly sometimes multiple times a week. I have not received an answer except to move forward. So I am assuming that means to go forward with the divorce. And to be honest I don't even think that will be rock bottom for my husband. All he ever talks about is him. He has done nothing to try and be in recovery. Except to quit cold turkey or so he says. His words mean nothing to me!!!!! Actions speak louder than words. Thank-you for lettting me vent it has been an interesting ride. If only my husband could have softened his heart and let someone in:(


Follow the Spirit, wherever it leads    
"I hate divorce, but when my sister was getting one (Her screen name would have been MOMOF6) I realized that sometimes it was the best thing. The kids were getting old enough to realize why dad was always locked in his office. Just having that spirit in the home probably would have caused unknown damage. It hasn’t been a bed of roses, but she now has two daughters that have married in the temple and one of those and a son who have served missions. I think most of them are flying right. One son seems to be struggling, but what family of six kids doesn’t have that? I thought when she started talking about divorce that her husband would come around, but it didn’t even faze him. Just follow the Spirit. God knows what your path should be and He is really the only one. I have seen marriages make it through terrible things. My wife prayed about leaving me twice. On the other hand I have seen people a lot happier after a divorce. My wife used to think my sister looked old because of the six kids and then after the divorce noticed that she looked a lot younger. I have an addict friend whose wife just wouldn’t forgive him. I used to wonder if he really was recovering, because he was so depressed and focused on the negative all the time. After the divorce he continued working recovery and it was surprising how quickly he brightened up. It turned out that he was just too co-dependent. He let his wife dictate his happiness.

The one thing I would encourage is to continue working the steps for your own recovery, regardless of which path you take. My sister used the steps enough to have the strength to let go of her 20 year temple marriage, but then quit when she got rid of the addict. She wasn’t the type that had to have a husband, but eventually did get married again. When that second marriage was dissolving it was obvious that she hadn’t fully recovered and had married the second time for the wrong reasons.

Using the Atonement to the fullest will prepare you to face whatever challenges the future holds.

I wish the best in your journey. And please keep in touch."
posted at 16:14:26 on February 7, 2012 by justjohn
Divorce from the kids perspective    
"I will always be grateful that my mother divorced my dad. Sometimes it is the most righteous thing we can do. Only you and God can make that call. My mother was so happy and at peace when she went through with the divorce. It was clearly not done in anger or as a reaction to my father's issues. She was following Heavenly Father's will for her and it showed. I was personally so grateful not to have that man in the house where he could hurt me and my brothers and sisters anymore. I was 7 when he left and my whole world became better once he was gone. To be fair, my situation was pretty extreme. My father was a sex addict and used lot of pornography but that was tied up with him also being sexually and physically abusive to the kids in horrible, horrible ways. I don't think it needs to be that bad to have divorce be the best answer, but it sure was in our case.

Anyway, I just want to lend my support to whatever you decide. Neither road is easy but with God's help you can do anything.

posted at 09:58:03 on February 8, 2012 by maddy

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"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006