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By reform2012
2/6/2012 8:53:48 PM
Boo. I slipped today.

I'm a little frustrated because of it. Last week, I was thinking in my head that I could breeze by without the steps, that maybe I wasn't addicted after all - it just took a little self-control... but it's not hard to be humbled. I only watched about 3 minutes of a video tonight, but started to masturbate and turned it off because "I know better".. but I was really looking forward to sharing with my husband that I'd been clean for a month.....

3 days off.

I hate that I even prepared for it too, like I was hiding chocolates under my pillow waiting for a bad day to come. I felt the urges coming on, and I just figured I'd peek. I'm disappointed..

Well, what's next? I'll start again tonight I guess. :(

Comments:

honesty and confession    
"Good job going so long! Personally, I don't believe in this starting over stuff. If you went 27 days clean, and then you messed up for a few minutes, it doesn't mean that you're now back at ground zero. It means you have 27 wins, and 1 loss. 27-1 is a great record for any sports team. It's a great record for you, 2. You are not 0-1, and do you not have to start over. You keep going from right where you are.

Does this mean you still haven't told your spouse yet? Are you saying that you were ready to tell your spouse, but now that you slipped, you have to wait another month?"
posted at 09:57:03 on February 7, 2012 by beclean
All is not lost    
"I agree with BeClean. The sobriety date may be new (I know that stinks), but not everything else is lost. The spiritual growth developed during those 27 days can quickly be regained. Turn back to the Lord and let Him give you as much of the Spirit as He wants to. I used to hold them at bay until I felt like I was worthy. Please don’t make that mistake. You can also look at how relapses are getting shallower, shorter and further apart and take hope in that. You can also look at what went wrong and change for the future. Even a relapse can be turned to some good. Keep on keeping on!"
posted at 15:47:02 on February 7, 2012 by justjohn
More thoughts    
"The 27 days are a great thing. When I started working with the first bishop that understood I only made it 17 days. I was really discouraged and he wanted to see me every week. I wasn’t looking forward to that next visit, but the conversation that occurred led me to the addiction recovery program. I think keeping your husband updated will help him understand how difficult this is for you. It may also become a springboard to a higher level of recovery. I would also recommend you start attending recovery meetings. You don’t have to be specific, just introduce yourself as an addict. If you relapse you can just say you acted out. You can keep it very generic. They really don’t care, and you won’t find a more accepting, understanding group in the world. As one of my brothers said after my first meeting, “We all have a hole and we’re trying to fill it with something.” They don’t care what your “something” is. Get your husband or friend to go with you. That is fine too."
posted at 16:54:48 on February 7, 2012 by justjohn


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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990