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AM I willing??
By ashly_54
2/3/2012 2:10:41 PM
Step 1 - Action Step — Become willing to abstain
Today is the day that I have decided I'm going to give this "willing to abstain" thing a shot.. Its a rough road, and withdrawls have already hit me hard, sweating, shaking, anxiety, everything... I want to stop so bad! I want to move forward and quit using! Please heavenly father, please help me not use today...

Comments:

Good for you Ashley!!! I've been praying for you.    
"I read your previous post a couple of hours ago, and I was worried that you were trying to detox and haven't written since Monday. I started praying for you. I had to leave my desk for a bit and when I came back and started working on my response again, I was so excited to see that you had written again!

Don’t give up! We are praying for you and your Heavenly Father and Older Brother will do everything you let them to save you. You mentioned telling Heavenly Father over and over again that you were quitting and then failing, and all the shame and self hatred associated with that. I relate 100%. It was over 25 years of addiction for me before I came in out of the cold. I made a very conservative estimate that I must have quit over 300 times. I can really relate to your “say you were quitting and relapse in three days” statement. I thought for sure I had used up all the allowed chances that God gives us. I promise THERE IS NO LIMIT TO HIS LOVE AND PATIENCE! He even says so in Mosiah 26:30, “Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.” You have as many chances as it takes."
posted at 14:35:02 on February 3, 2012 by justjohn
Thanks..    
"Thank you, very much... it means so much to me that people are there.. When I was reading what you wrote, I could hear so clearly my dad saying "Heavenly father has given you ONE MORE CHANCE! Don't screw it up this time!" So your comment was very welcomed from me. I so badly want this to be the time. The hardest thing is overcoming the first few days clean.."
posted at 14:49:37 on February 3, 2012 by ashly_54
Hang in there    
"I had more to say, but wanted to get that posted before making you wait too long. I am sorry for the pain of detox that you are going through right now. The only substances I am addicted to are porn and food, so I haven’t experienced it myself, but I have been with an alcoholic friend going through it.

Believe me; you are never out of chances. I have been in recovery for 11 years and I am still trying God’s patience if that were possible. He always takes me back. At this point relapse for me is just stupidity. I have experienced too much recovery, peace and happiness for it to be anything else. I know just what to do and sometimes don’t do it. Every time I come back He just puts His arm around and says, “Yeah, that was stupid, but I am glad you are back.” And we move on and He never brings it up again. Shame is Satan’s tool to keep us in our addiction. It has no place in God’s plan. Guilt is only good until it gets us to turn around and head in the right direction and then your Heavenly Father doesn’t even want you to feel that. He wants you to feel peace, love and happiness. You are doing the right thing! Why would He want you to feel bad!"
posted at 15:08:51 on February 3, 2012 by justjohn
I am praying for you too!    
"Ashley,

My heart goes out to you. I am so proud of your clear desire to work the steps. We all are here for you. I don't have your addiction, so I can only imagine the pain you are in right now. Please don't give up. John gave some great advice above.

I can't imagine doing this alone. Is there anyone in your family you can confide in? If you feel you can't, at least avoid being alone. Please keep posting, and we will be there for you. Most important, the Savior is there for you too!"
posted at 15:50:49 on February 3, 2012 by ilmw
There is a whole army out here who love and care about you.    
"You are not alone in this. First and foremost your Heavenly Father and Savior are always there. They care about you so much and will never let you down! I think the fact that I was drawn to your post is just another witness of how much they love you. The odds are very long on me just happening across your post at the right time. God has you in His appointment book and when that happens amazing “coincidences” occur.

I am marshalling the troops to pray for you as well. There were already Dog, Maddy and Anonymous praying for you from your other post, I called my wife, so there are three more there. I’ve sent out a text to 9 of my 12 Step friends and one of them have already responded that they will have their kids pray for you as well. Once the children get involved the faith factor goes way up. You are also on the prayer roll at the Bountiful Temple. As alone as you have expressed you are feeling, believe me it isn’t the case.

I think someone mentioned it on your other post, but if at all possible I would encourage you to find some LDS addiction recovery meetings you can attend. If you go to the “Links” tab at the top of the page, it has a link that will take you to the Church’s addiction recovery site. In the middle of the page there is a link for “addiction recovery support groups”. Hopefully you can find a schedule that has meetings in your area. I think you mentioned attending 12 Step groups before. The churches program is like 12 Steps on steroids because it fully embraces the Atonement. If you can also find a sponsor I think your chances of success will be greatly increased.

Even though you have tried in the past, I think your current attitude may make a big difference. You sound really ready. You sound like you are ready to do whatever it takes and that is what is required.

Don’t worry your Savior will carry you. If you go to google images and search for “forgiven Thomas blackshear” it explains what I am saying. I like to call it “Journey’s Beginning”. I think it is the best physical representation of our relationship with the Savior when we begin recovery. There are messages in the details. Notice how the man that represents YOU hasn’t let go of the instruments of pain yet.

I admire you and anyone else in the first week of being clean.

Love,
John"
posted at 16:10:41 on February 3, 2012 by justjohn
Your Step Family is Growing    
"Now ILMW has joined the throng. That makes 1,2,3... Hey! I'm running out of fingers here!"
posted at 16:19:13 on February 3, 2012 by justjohn
How are you?    
"Ashly,

I woke up today thinking about your situation. We love you and are praying for you no matter what situation you are in right now. We will keep praying for you.

You mentioned in your first blog, that you are living somewhere new and that you don't have any friends and feel very lonely. Is there an LDS Young Single Adult Ward or Branch in your area? I would highly encourage you to seek out this group. They have so many activities and get togethers through out the week. The more you get to know them, the less reason you will have to turn to your 'user' friends. This will give you more strength as you work through the recovery process again.

Please let us know how you are doing? We are your friends too. Don't forget, the Savior is always there for you no matter how many times you have to pick yourself up, and continue on."
posted at 08:59:25 on February 5, 2012 by ilmw


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"I need not define your specific problem to help you overcome it. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it violates the commandments of the Lord, it comes from Satan, and the Lord can overcome all of Satan’s influence through your application of righteous principles. Please understand that the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now. Satan wants you to think that it is impossible. That is not true. The Savior gave His life so that you can completely overcome the challenges you face. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990