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Sometimes I Forget...
By iamstrong
1/25/2012 2:44:01 PM
So it's been a while since I last blogged. I had done so well, made it past 115 days. And I knew that there is never a number of days that you reach when you are done. This is about more than sobriety. This is about changing into a person who replaces their weaknesses with Christ. This is not about my addiction. It's about becoming a disciple of Christ. I slip up still. And I long for the day when it ends but I've been learning. Changing. I am still progressing. Over time it doesn't necessarily get easier. A lot of the time it gets harder. But it gets better too. And I've learned that sin and temptation are not the same thing. I don't always have to give in when I'm tempted. Temptation is an opportunity to turn to God and worship Him.

My Bishop once told me that Christ would no doubt forgive me. But I would have to go through the repentance process. I would have to meet with the Bishop, relinquish my temple recommend for a time, and not take the sacrament for a while in order for Christ to heal me. That is why I needed to confess and forsake. It is a healing process. It's like healing a wound. I might not be healed yet but I know that Christ has suffered for my sins and taken on my pain. It's like the scripture 2 Peter 1:9.

"But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins."

Sometimes I forget that I have been forgiven of my past sins and I hold on to them and let them hold me back. I have to let them go. I have to move on and be a disciple. That is the goal. Not sobriety. Sobriety is just a byproduct.

I've been feeling tempted lately because well, my body craves it. I am addicted. And the longer I go, the harder it is. But I read in a talk that music can help us overcome our weaknesses and I love music. So I have a few playlists that I listen to when I'm tempted. This one has really been motivating me:

1. Dare You To Move - Switchfoot
2. You Are More - Tenth Avenue North
3. Let It Go - Tenth Avenue North
4. Beautiful - MercyMe
5. Beautiful Heartbreak - Hilary Weeks
6. IN The Dark I See - LIGHTS
7. Saviour - LIGHTS
8. In Christ Alone - Adam Young

I know that the person who I was, that made so many mistakes, isn't all of me. I know that I'm more than that. But sometimes I wish I could see the me that Christ saw when He suffered for me. I want to see the me that is worth all of that. Sometimes it's just so hard to believe that Jesus could think I was worth that pain. I want to be that person who is worth it.

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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990