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By Leaf_It
1/15/2012 3:29:47 AM
I am 18 and since I was 9 I've had my problem. In the fourth grade while walking home from school I found a pornographic picture on the sidewalk. That's how it all started. I live in Utah and am trying to find help and support. I have told my mother and my bishop. Only my mom knows about my most recent failures. I have been clean from pictures and videos for 8 months until about a week ago, when my girlfriend broke up with me. That slam of depression weekend me enough that I came crashing down. I've seen just about everything on the Internet and know waaay more I ever wanted to. Sometime twards the end of the ninth grade I finally told my mom for the first time and tried to come clean. Since then I've come up and down in my efforts having my longest time with nothing bad happening being about 7 months. I am posting this from an IPod so grammar and punctuation may have been tragically lost but I finally found a place that actually looks like it could help. It's 2:32am here so Im signing off, but I'm 1 and a half days clean. Came here in a week moment barely holding off and choosing to find help rather than fall again. I pray every night. I'll post a full detailed confession tomorrow. Thank you for reading this grammar error filling plea for help. Goodnight.

Comments:

welcome    
"Welcome to a wonderful place where you will receive love and support from those of us who understand where you have been and where you would like to be, on recovery. It takes courage to reach out and dap I need help. I encourapge to read past blogs and to continue working with your bishop. Find a suppot group to attend and work the steps diligently.

Congrats on your recovery time and reaching out for support."
posted at 06:13:06 on January 15, 2012 by rachp
You are doing the right thing!    
"No effort is wasted. Every second that you resist temptation is commendable. Stay strong. Take it one minute at a time."
posted at 13:56:12 on January 15, 2012 by Anonymous
Welcome    
"My husband wished he had 1)tried to get help when he was your age and 2) there was help available. It may feel right now like your brain is full of things that you don't want, but Christ's atonement is big enough for any wound. You may not feel like you are ahead in this process, but the truth is that you some how finding the courage to fight this battle at a young age when most people are still in denial. You are stronger than you know. There is honestly a ton of resources out there and Utah is actually quote rich in support groups and therapists that specialize in SA.

Remember H.A.L.T...."Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired" Theses are triggers for addicts. If you start feeling one of them uncontrollably then that is a danger sign. Relapsing happens most often as a coping tool to these triggers. If you feel them...like you did when you were hurt by your recent break up...that is when you can guess you are most at risk. Addiction is a means to try and medicate our pain. You hurt = you try to numb it. The cruel irony is that addiction just hurts us worse in the end. It is such a counterfeit and such deceit. You can't stop life from throwing painful things at you...but you can change how you handle it. And there is a real balm for all pain...we just have to let Him heal us.

Welcome to your recovery journey.

Maddy"
posted at 14:38:47 on January 15, 2012 by Anonymous
You are doing the right thing...    
"Start going to PASG meetings if they are available. Wish I had been as smart as you....My addiction started about the age of 11, and continued for 35 years until I had the courage to take the first step. Do it! We are fighting a battle that is win-able."
posted at 21:20:03 on January 16, 2012 by chefdalet
You can do it!    
"I know it's hard coming down when so many images that you've seen spontaneously appear in your mind at bad times, but it's worth it. The relationships you have from here, when faced with honesty, are so much more rewarding than trying to get a thrill. It's amazing that you're thinking of this at eighteen! I don't know you, but I know you've faced yourself in admitting that you need to stop... and there's a lot that could be said about that. I started on this site a couple weeks ago, and the absolute best advice I can give you is to tell someone you trust about it. It will hold you accountable and help you overcome looking at porn. I promise. :) Good luck! We're all here for yoU!"
posted at 17:42:40 on January 23, 2012 by reform2012
welcome!    
"i too have struggled with this recently. i am on day 3 with starting over after being clean for almost 4 years. it upset me terribly that I've had to start over because i let my b/f become an influence on me, but one thing that i have learned is we are all human and we make mistakes. if you would like to talk i can give you my email address?"
posted at 13:16:25 on January 26, 2012 by churchgirl


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"I need not define your specific problem to help you overcome it. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it violates the commandments of the Lord, it comes from Satan, and the Lord can overcome all of Satan’s influence through your application of righteous principles. Please understand that the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now. Satan wants you to think that it is impossible. That is not true. The Savior gave His life so that you can completely overcome the challenges you face. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990