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By anon16
1/10/2012 5:34:46 PM
I'm on day 2. I completely lost it, for 3 days, and binged. First day it was porn, but the other two days it was just mb.

I was emotional. It was a mutual activity, and I was with a friend who is a few years younger then me,and I just lost it. I told her everything, and was a mess.

Before I had joked with this girl about my bishop - how he was attractive, etc. I have found it amusing that he isn't unattractive, as most bishops I've had are. For a time I was attracted to him. I would say yes, I had a crush on him

But I was able to through prayer get over it. But she didn't know that. Because I used present tense. This year in a lot of ways, he has been my only support. He has really helped me, and spent a lot of time and effort with me. And I'm a 16 year girl. But I work really hard at not thinking that way. Did I always succeed? No. But I tried.

And the bishop is aware of this now. And he said that the next time we meet another priesthood holder will need to be there. When I read that I felt really betrayed. Not sure why but I did. Especially since he wanted the stake president.

I told him that I did not have a crush on him, and etc. I also said I'd prefer not to meet for a while, and that I wouldn't email/text him again.

For the past 2 days I've been very very emotional about it. I feel like my support is gone. And I realized that I need to get my support from the Savior. Not my bishop. I think this is what I needed to learn from it. It's just going to be so hard to do this myself without any physical person helping me. But I guess that's what I need to know - that I need the Saviors support to get over it.

I'm worried that I'll need to work with the stake president now. Could I be fully disfellowshipped?
He told me to make an appointment when I was ready, but did not say if someone else would be there or not. I'm thinking maybe when I've gone a month, which is Feb 8th.
Thanks for reading this. It really helps to get this out.

Comments:

Thank you for sharing.    
"I haven't been on this site for too long but I do find the support through other LDS a great blessing. I have kept myself away from the Church and making that reconciliation with the Lord and his Church for such a long time because I thought somehow that I couldn't be forgiven. Yesterday was a difficult day for me. But even though it's only a '2' it feels good to see at the top of this page, because I know that it wasn't me but the Lord. When it is the most difficult the thing that keeps me going is knowing what the Saviour gave us through his Atonement. God bless."
posted at 19:40:58 on January 10, 2012 by Aeslin
Try to see things from your bishop's standpoint.    
"He's afraid for his spiritual life. He might also be afraid of being falsely accused. And he's probably following the instructions of the Bishop's manual. He's not betraying you by requiring another priesthood leader to be there. He's merely protecting himself, his salvation, his family, and his reputation. And yours, too. He certainly doesn't want to be your trigger, no decent man wants that. So you will find men cutting off their relationship with you if they feel that they're triggering you in any way. They want to be part of the solution, not the problem. But the bishop is required to work with you, and so he needs to make certain that everything is done properly when you meet.

I read your comment, "And the bishop is aware of this now." "This" meaning your [on again/off again] crush on him.

How did he become aware of it? And why now, and not sooner? I'm not asking you to answer me or anyone else, but it does make me wonder if you or your friend emailed him something that informed him of your feelings for him. Or that you fantasized about him. That would scare the daylights out of me if I were in his position, having to meet behind closed doors with someone who felt that way about me. So try to understand things from his position. He's not betraying you.

Whatever, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I truly am. I think that you're one of those very independent young girls, mature beyond her years, who feels the need to break out. And I don't know how to help you except to offer my prayers and my support on this site.

As far as being disfellowshipped is concerned, I don't think that is going to happen. In my opinion, given your age and background and what you've done and haven't done, I don't even think that is a consideration. You would have to fight against the Church or not want to repent (be openly defiant) before they would consider that option, I think. Just let them know that you sincerely want to repent. And the strength to repent will come, but I believe it will take some time and a change of environment.

I do like what you say about making the Savior your support. Develop your relationship with Him, and lean on him for strength and comfort, and he will send it to you. You really need to strengthen your testimony through doing your dailies, and make certain that you pray fervently.

Do the best you can, be clean as many days or hours or minutes that you can. You're struggling valiantly, and the Lord is aware of this.

I'll be praying for you, and I hope others on this site will do so, too."
posted at 20:32:47 on January 10, 2012 by dog
I will pray for you too!    
"You did the right thing by letting the Bishop know. The stake president will be just as loving and helpful as the Bishop. He will keep things just as confident as the Bishop. Because of your age and willingness to conquer this, you will not be disfellowshipped.

You are on the right track. Its great that you are taking care of this at your age. Many of us, who have struggled with this off and on for years wish we could go back in time and take care of it earlier.

Keep at it!"
posted at 21:29:28 on January 10, 2012 by ilmw
Anonymous aa    
"I am in acoholics anonymous. But I suffer with masterbation and pornoghraphy. I live in a small town in virginia. And they do not have a probrahm. I need poeple that can be a support if anyone canhelp please"
posted at 17:25:09 on January 11, 2012 by Anonymous
I would be kinda scared too..    
"Its only natural. reality is almost never as bad as our imagination make it out to be.

I would definately have a 2nd person around too if I was the bishop. It protects you and protects him.

You arent going to be disfellowshiped.. relax.."
posted at 18:53:50 on January 11, 2012 by Anonymous
To the anonymous aa poster in the small town in virginia    
"Welcome to the website. Supporting each other is what we're all about.

You need to register on this website (click on 'join' in the upper right hand corner and you will be prompted what to do). Then click on the big red 'BLOG' bar on the left hand side towards the top, and tell us about your situation. We'll be able to respond better if you start your own blog."
posted at 20:40:38 on January 11, 2012 by dog


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" Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it appears that the person is unforgivable? Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern? Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can't forgive himself?The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means—total, complete, all, forever. "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006