By aurelius89
1/10/2012 2:42:22 AM
It has been a while since my last post. My thoughts were that consistent obsession about my addiction made the problem worse as my mind would not release the topic, or maybe that reading about the relapses of others justified my own falls. In any case, it has denied me the opportunity of openly expressing my feelings over the past while and what I have been able to learn after reviewing over my previous entries.

As this entry is entitled, my recent attitude has been quite complacent as I have gone significant amounts of time without acting out on lustful thoughts. My efforts are lulled by a distinct peace of going days without my addiction controlling my days with guilt. That is when I become satisfied with everything, but fail to recognize that my spiritual armor is left in my bedroom by not conversing with my Father in Heaven.

Furthermore, I have realized that arrogance has ruled my ways and offense has been taken where it should not have been. If Hero ever reads this, please forgive me as my youthful ignorance never can match up to the wise counsel of those that have gained years of wisdom. Humility is just one of the key elements of recovery, but an attribute necessary to achieve any form of success by learning from others.

I have been greatly blessed over the past few months with a new job and a car to call my own, even though it entails making monthly payments. I'm still happily engaged, and maintaining my relationship strong with daily study and prayer. Although with all of these new responsibilities, a lot of stress has presented itself to the point of feeling sick and triggering bad habits. Pessimism and self-defeat are two factors that lead to further distractions and relenting to my enemy. It seems that I can never please everyone, but I at least need to please the Lord and emulate His example of resisting temptation.

After reviewing the schedule of recovery meetings, it looks like I will need to attend the early morning session as I work the later shift with work, and so perhaps this will develop a greater sense of commitment. I will pray for you all in hopes that we all may come before the Savior with "clean hands and a pure heart" at the last day.


Welcome back    
"and I'm glad to hear that things are looking up for you both spiritually and temporally. And especially that you're happily engaged and doing your dailies.

Be careful about stress. It sounds as if that's one of your triggers. Time to pray and speak with the Lord about it and possibly ask for a Bishop's blessing to keep you out of temptation's grasp. It's during our trigger times that we need to throw ourselves at the mercy of our Savior and rely on Him for strength. That's when we grow and recover.

And I sincerely thank you for your prayers, because I need them."
posted at 11:08:01 on January 10, 2012 by dog

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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball