I am going to be happy
By anon16
1/6/2012 1:51:13 PM
This week I have been trying to understand. I feel, a lot of the time like I am worthless and can accomplish nothing. I am trying to change my thought towards myself, and others. I asked someone what made them decide to join the church. And he said that he asked someone who was a member, "What makes you so happy?" And she replied that it was the gospel.

I want that. I want the gospel to make me happy. Right now it doesn't. My bishop said that I have an intellectual testimony, and I need to have an emotional testimony. That is true. All my life it has been forced on me, and been expected that I would do the right things. I'm here. I obviously didn't.

A friend said several things. First, you make the choice to be happy. And second, why? What motivated you in this direction?

I do make the choice. And I haven't. I have always focused on the negitive things. And that is going to change. I have noticed how a lot of posts on here are positive. Mine are not.

My reason for going down this road, was first curiosity. But also I didn't want to be "perfect". And I am still working through not having that mentality. I hate hate being told what to do. And I tend to not do it. I'm nervous and frightened about a lot of things. And I don't think people get it that I am. I have been a huge pest to my bishop. I am really working at not being so. Not being needy. Here also, I post too much. One of my issues is understanding what's not OK.

And not being too pushy or intense. I'm all or nothing. And I need to change that. I need to change a lot of things.

The really funy thing, is I would always try to experiment to see the difference, I would always say that I would make more of an effort to b good, but I would be bad first. That is not right. And until today, I never realized that that was a way of getting me.

I have never put a 100% into overcoming this. IAMSTRONG said to me, "You sound like you invite bad thoughts in." I realized last night that I do. And that néeds to change. I have never been good at controlling my thoughts.

I want to be happy. I am going to try putting 110% into this. In a week I will post my progress. My goals are these:

To control my thoughts
To be careful of the things I listen to
To be careful of the things I read or look at.
To pray in the morning & evening, as well as during the day.
To read church books, talks and Scriptures with real intent.
To rely on the Lord, not this site or my bishop
To not wallow or feel sorry for myself
Additional goals, or insight is welcome. You are all very inspiring to me and your posts help a lot.


Soiunds like you've taken a Major step in the right direction    
"I especially like what you said about 1) being positive, 2) avoiding evil things, and 3) reading the scriptures and praying and getting close to the Savior.

It reminds me of what President Monson said in his first (I think) Priesthood Meeting at General Conference when he spoke as the Prophet: 1) study faithfully, 2) pray fervently, and 3) live cleanly, "touch not the unclean thing". That's really what you've said above (so I think you're in tune), and we all need to remember that, so thanks for the reminder.

I have a really positive attitude about your positive attitude : ) The only thing I would add is to serve others. This will help to cheer you and build your self esteem while performing a needed service to others."
posted at 15:05:58 on January 6, 2012 by dog
Dear Sweet 16    
"In so many ways you remind me of my 16 year old son. I am guessing that you are very artistic and have an unquenchable imagination. Maybe not, but that is my guess. I also know that you do not want to be like this and that you think that you are just a bad person because you are like this. You may not really even know why you are the way you are.

Well, my dear young lady... This is how the Lord made you, and he loves you anyway. He knows that that you will find him through your struggles. That is why you have them. Believe it or not, you anon16, are perfect just the way you are. This is not to say that addiction is the ideal. It is to say that the Lord loves you as you are. However, you are in need of his healing balm, and as you seek him, he will deliver. You don't even need to be perfect in behavior for this to happen. You only to give your life to him.

Your focus seems to be so much on "the church" and your behavior It is good to focus on "the church" and behavior to some extent, but really that does not matter so much to the Lord at this point your life. What matters is your personal relationship with your Father in Heaven and his amazing son, Jesus Christ.

After 2 years of heavy drug use and lots of trouble for it, I am beginning to see little tiny rays of hope for my son. I am choosing to build on that. he has not been active for well over a year and that's okay. As he stirs in pain, I can see the Lord working in his life an many ways. Things have become harder and harder for him and I can see that this is his path. I believe he may be at the beginning of letting go, really letting go. The Bishop didn't do this. His YM Presidency didn't do it. If fact, he refuses to have anything to do with either. I didn't do it, his dad didn't do it. It is my son and his private conversations with his Heavenly Father. I don't see it happen with my earthly eyes, but I can feel it with my Heavenly heart. His complete transformation may be years away, but I know that this is about his relationship with God. You may be years away, or days away, who knows? What I do know is that you are a precious daughter of a Heavenly King and you are his.

At some point, I pray that your focus will be away from you having to work harder on your addiction. You do not have to work that hard. I think that is one of the misconceptions about recovery. As you let go, surrender, and let the Lord take over, it suddenly becomes so simple. It is an experience that no one person can say with words. It is something very personal.

You Bishop loves you, but you must understand his role in your life. He is merely your judge in Israel and called for a small moment as a guide. Your Bishop has no power to save you, only your Savior can do this. He is the only one that paid the price for you, me, and all who have ever graced this earthly life. And you are more that worth it to him. Even if you don't know it yet.

He's there right now waiting for you (sins and all). Remember that the handle is on your side of the door.

posted at 19:13:34 on January 6, 2012 by angelmom
I LOVE your goals    
"I love how they are focused on doing good things, not JUST on avoiding bad things."
posted at 12:18:00 on January 7, 2012 by Anonymous
This is it...    
"You've been thinking. Remember, happiness does exist for you. Do those things and you will see so much good and feel so much happiness. Someone commented that you focus on the church. They're right. Focus on your relationship with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He will show you the rest. You are doing so well! And I am so extremely proud of you for the progress you've made!"
posted at 17:07:47 on January 7, 2012 by Iamstrong
Good Goals    
"I'm sure that you are not the only one out there feels that they have been a pest to their Bishop. My Bishop had to had set boundaries with me on what was acceptable & not acceptable communications. So don't beat yourself up too much about that. Because we are so engrained in having a physical response, that having a physical person to rely on is just our natural instinct. But like it says in step #6 Study & Understanding Section it says:
“No matter what the source of difficulty and no matter how you begin to obtain relief—through a qualified professional therapist, doctor, priesthood leader, friend, concerned parent, or loved one— no matter how you begin, those solutions will never provide a complete answer. The final healing comes through faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, with
a broken heart and a contrite spirit and obedience to His commandments” (Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 9; or Ensign, May 1994, 9).
Basically, our Bishops, counselors & whoever we use for support are just that & that only, SUPPORT. Jesus Christ & Heavenly Father are the 2 that we need to getting closer to. The whole purpose of repentance is to realign ourselves with The Lord.
I like your goals. I just had to turn the station in the car because of stupid country song that gets my mind going. It's hard to change, but it is so worth it. I also suggest that you come up with a plan. Have 5 or 6 things that you will do whenever temptation comes your way. Doing those 5 or 6 things should take enough time & occupy your mind enough that the temptation should no longer be around by the time you are done with those things.
I will clean out a closet, scrapbook, read my scriptures, that sort of stuff, to keep myself occupied doing good things. "
posted at 17:31:08 on January 7, 2012 by ME

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"Jesus rejected temptation. When confronted by the great tempter himself, Jesus "[yielded] not to the temptation”. He countered with scripture. Gospel commandments and standards are our protection also, and like the Savior, we may draw strength from the scriptures to resist temptation."

— D. Todd Christofferson

General Conference October 2006