By anon16
1/5/2012 1:35:33 AM
I have not slipped yet. But i lost the sacrament for another month.
Today was not a good day. There were several things, such as being done with mu counselor. And then having to tell my parents after my Bishop confirmed it that i had lost the sacrament. Didnt tell them when i mesed up thougj.

I talked to my bishop briefly. It was good and it helped. I also talked to afriend about this because i was so upset
I was crying and said at one point that if i had the guts i would kill myself. Whicj is true. But not something that im to the point of doing.

I think her mom talked to the bishop(am going to ask tomorrow) because he texted me and asked if i was ok.

Iamnot. I am not suicidal but i am contemplating cutting. Did i say that? No
I just said i was upset. Very frustrated
Am i going to cut myself? Not right now. But it could replace mb. Since i cant gove that up. Its not as serious and does to a degree do the sametning


Don't give up.    
"As my roommate told me the other day, "We go through the pain to get to the joy"... And when you reach the joy it makes it all worth it. Don't give up. You see this as a negative. Everything has a flipside. Life is what you make of it. Life is what you do with what happens to you. Do not become something that is acted upon. Become someone that acts. You didn't lose the sacrament. You gained an opportunity to draw closer to Christ. To correct your mistakes. To find happiness. Remember that nothing can separate you from the love of God. Nothing. He loves you. And your mom loves you. We love you."
posted at 02:01:52 on January 5, 2012 by iamstrong
so ,) what?    
"What's the big deal that is making you so mad? Who cares if you don't get the sacrament? Why is that such a big deal? Does it really do anything for you anyway?"
posted at 02:46:18 on January 5, 2012 by beclean
"No. It doesn't. But it gets my parents off my back. Because now they know I'm still having issues. I want to be done, I don't want this pressure. But I have no escape"
posted at 09:40:59 on January 5, 2012 by anon16
Seems to me...    
"That all of your issues are with your parents. I liked BECLEAN's comment... You need to figure out what is giving you this anxiety and sort it out. Either put it in the past or work it out. I think it might be something in your relationships with your parents. But you can't change the output if you are still inputting the same thing."
posted at 12:41:12 on January 5, 2012 by iamstrong
Parent Trouble    
"I went through that too. I don't know if my situation was the same, but I think the feelings involved were the same. I felt a lot of pressure from them. I was about your age when I started really facing up to this. After I started abstaining from the sacrament they were on my back about all the things that were "wrong" with me. My Mom would throw this problem back into my face every time we had a problem, related or not. Basically "well you masturbate and don't take the sacrament so you're wrong and a bad person." It is hard because when you're trying to tackle a problem like this, support is what you really need, and it seems like you don't really feel supported by your parent's. Just try to remember that this is hard for them too. They just want all the best for you and if your parents are anything like mine they are struggling with a lot of guilt themselves. Like, "where did we go wrong as parents?"

Believe me, cutting is not the same as mb. And it really doesn't help. I won't go into details but PLEASE don't do that. Even if your parents are having a hard time understanding, you are still taking the right steps! You're here for starters! You're owning up to your mistakes and trying to become a better person. And like BECLEAN said, taking the sacrament itself doesn't do anything for you. The sacrament is a way to draw closer to Christ, and it takes a lot of courage to abstain, but I've learned through this experience that the sacrament is not about appearances. If you're bishop has counseled you not to take it then you will feel better abstaining than you will taking it just to please your parents.

Anyway I hope I didn't sound preachy. I apologize if that's the way it came across. "
posted at 17:36:21 on January 5, 2012 by Anonymous
"That's frustrating to have parents who see your abstaining from the sacrament as a bad thing and they get on your back about it.

Shouldn't they see your abstaining as something GOOD? You COULD just skip church. Or you COULD go and take the sacrament, even though the bishop said no. could do what a GOOD person does. Good people abstain when the bishop says they should while they work on their problem.

Your parents should be PLEASED with your approach. Perhaps your parents don't "get" the whole repentance/atonement thing. You are going to learn it MUCH better than they have through this process, if you seek out the Savior to heal you, which He will.

Of course, it really doesn't matter what parents think, anyway. Heavenly Father is pleased when you try to improve yourself through the steps of repentance, which is exactly what you are trying to do."
posted at 00:47:09 on January 6, 2012 by beclean

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